


Drive Bys

by Striderclan



Series: Striderclan [127]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Multi, This is an archival post, but good luck, enter at your own risk, i'll try to keep a running tab to add later, there's a lot of little one shots in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-04 23:08:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21205592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Striderclan/pseuds/Striderclan
Summary: Here are all of the Drive Bys that were only posted on the Tumblr. We're moving them here so we can delete the blog. As tagged, enter at your own risk.





	1. 1-10

**1\. Get Off by Halestorm **

“Oh shit Dave listen to this.”

Dave wanders over and lifts the headphones off of Bro’s head and slips them on. He winces a bit at the volume of the loud rock song (and figures out why Bro called for him so loudly even if he was only a couple of feet away), but as it goes on, he’s also pulled into the song. He’s very receptive to Bro’s touches when the elder Strider spins around in his chair and pulls Dave into his lap. The hard rubbing against his crotch feels good in tandem with the bites he lays across his collarbone as Bro pulls down on his shirt, stretching out the neck of his t-shirt. Dave returns the favor by grinding down against Bro and arching back just enough to expose more skin for Bro to suck on.

“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Bro murmurs against Dave’s neck. He can hear the bassline pounding from the headphones and grabs Dave’s ass to make him rock harder with it. Clothes come off in short manner, Dave’s shirt catching on the headphones and pulling the cord out of the computer. The song floods out from the rest stereo speakers as Bro lifts Dave up and crashes with him against the futon, ditching the remnants of pants on his way over.

They are too wrapped up in the song, which is somehow stuck on repeat, to grab the lube, especially with the way that Bro grinds his cock against Dave’s into the cushions as he bites down on his shoulders and drags his fingers across Dave’s back. Dave throws his head back in pleasure at all the rough sensations, thrusting up against Bro with the same rhythm as the music.

An orange figure with a glowing red eye darts around the room to get various angles as the music loops again and again keeping the brothers in the mood.

* * *

**2\. Booty Shorts**   


“Dirk, Dirk, Dirk!” Dave cries out in time with Dirk’s thrusts that nearly bounce him off of the bed with steady rhythm. “Oh fuck, Dirk!”

“Hngh, oh! Fuck! Jake!”

“Well fuck you too.”

“Shit shit I’m sorry.”

“It’s the booty shorts, isn’t it? God, now I remember he used to wear them all the damn time.”

“That and the fact that I was talking with him this morning.”

“Ah, was that all the furious typing you were doing before the sun was up in the sky? Shouldn’t he have been sleeping by then?”

“He had stayed up watching a new movie and had to tell me all about it.”

“The things you do for love.”

“The things I do for love.”

“Now get back to doing things for my dick and if you call me Jake again, I’ll punch yours.”

“Yessir.” Dirk pushes the dark booty shorts that have bunched up across Dave’s thighs farther up to his knees so he can reach down and wrap a hand around Dave’s cock and start stroking him in time with his renewed thrusts.

* * *

** 3\. Lalondes **

“Roxy, be a dear and make a mess in the kitchen. Rose is coming home today and I’m afraid she’ll catch onto our eating habits,” Mom calls out from the laboratory entrance.

“You don’t think she would approve of our gourmet microwavable culinary skills?” Roxy calls back as she flies through another level of Super Mario Brothers on the pink NES, the pixels ridiculously enlarged on the high definition wide screen television in the main room.

“No, no, if she finds out then she’ll break into our stash. And you know we all have the same favorites.”

“Maybe we should con her into making us something.”

“Rose doesn’t know how to cook; she’s in college for heaven’s sake.”

“How is she going to catch a man if she doesn’t know how to cook?”

“I heard John is a wonderful chef. I know his father makes the most glorious confections in the continental.”

“You are going to have to fight Bro over the hot dad’s hand in marriage you know.”

“Derrick has nothing on me,” Mom declares in her best haught voice, posing at the top of the staircase with her best lab coat dress on, accessorized with a long royal purple scarf that matches her eyes and flutters behind her.

“Snrk,” Roxy finishes the level with a new best time, shaving a quarter second off of her previous. She leaves the game on the menu screen and heads into the kitchen, ignoring her mother still posed and obviously waiting for commentary and complements. Roxy heads to the refrigerator and opens it, leaning heavily on the door. “Your plan is flawed, Mom.”

“My plans are never flawed, sweetheart.”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to fake eating real food when we don’t have real food. All we have is milk and mixers in here.”

“Oh. Oh dear, I guess Sebastian is a bit behind schedule.”

“Sebastian?”

“The grocer. I ordered a couple things. Ah, there he is.” There is a knock at the door and Mom opens it with a flourish to let the grocer and his boxes of ‘real’ food in.

“Mother dearest! I’m home!” Rose announces as the heavy door closes behind her.

“Oh Rose, my beloved daughter, I am ever so happy you have returned home after being away for ever so long!” Rose stands patiently as Mom grabs her upper arms and kisses her cheeks enthusiastically, but carefully enough to smear the black only onto Rose’s cheeks and not out of their crisp lines on her face. She did smile softly, actually somewhat enjoying the over-the-top routine, at her mother when Mom holds her at arms length to take a better look at Rose’s face, and her work.

“Hey, sis!” Roxy calls out, lifting a hand briefly in greeting before quickly returning it to her game. “Wasn’t talking to you guys unless you somehow spontaneously mutated genders and became mystically related to me.” There’s a pause as she listens to the reply through her headset. “No I’m not going to share my genes with any of you numbskulls. Not while I have the top fifty scores. Now bow before your queen!” Roxy is then lost to maniacal laughter.

“She’s been on there all evening. I’d argue with her but she’s already finished next week’s homework.”

“There’s no hope for her.”

“None I’m afraid.”

“Well at least you have one daughter left.”

“Unless John calls.”

“Unless John calls and then you’ll just have to make do with the concept that you might be an empty nester soon.”

“Oh say it isn’t so! My babies cannot leave me! I love them!” Mom goes back to draping herself on Rose to which Rose patiently rolls her eyes at.

“Oi! What did you say to break Mom?”

“I told her that none of the children love her anymore.”

“Well someone had to break the news.”

Mom just wails even louder, startling some of the cats from their naps. Rose eventually shrugs the woman off of her and drags her bags to the bottom of the stairwell to be taken up later. Then she wanders into the kitchen, following the scent of something burnt.

“Oh, did Sebastian stop by today? I really don’t know why you intend to waste all of these groceries; I’m only here for the weekend and then neither of you will touch them again.”

“Hey! I made a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch!”

“No, you set something on fire and tried to call it food. Just break out the microwavables so we can eat dinner before I waste away.” She starts rummaging through the freezer looking for the easy meals.

“Let mother cook something for you. You are the guest here and don’t need to work.” Mom comes over, high heels clipping quickly on the hardwood floors.

“You are simply trying to hide the good ones.”

“If I had any of the ‘good ones’ I wouldn’t hesitate to share them with my prodigal child.” Roxy snorts back a laugh from the living room. “Roxy, it would behoove you to hang out with your brothers more to pick up their restraint.” Another, less hidden snort.

“Please, Mother, I wouldn’t want to be a burden to you.”

“Rose, darling, please exit the kitchen.”

“Let me pour you a glass of wine, Mother.”

“I can handle it. You just rest your feet now, Rose.”

“No, I insist, Mother, would you like a gewurztraminer or a viognier or perhaps something bolder with a barbera?”

“How about some chicken provencal or some chicken vodka cacciatore? On angel hair or with tortellini?”

Roxy can no longer hold back and lets loose peals of laughter.

* * *

** 4\. Aquarium **

“So what do you want to do today, Dirk?” D asked the mound of pillows and blankets on his hollywood king bed.

“Fishies!”

“You want to go to the beach?”

“Fishies!”

“You want to eat some fish?”

“Fishies!”

“You want to go to the pier and catch some fishie- fish?”

“Fishies!”

“Dude. You have to give me a little more than that.”

“Fishies!”

D stares at the giggling pile for a little bit before his face lights up. “I have just the idea.”

“Fishies!”

–

Dirk’s eyes are big gold saucers of wonder behind his glasses as he tries to take in everything. His attention switches from fish to fish in the large tank. His face is almost smooshed against the glass as he stares at the brilliant colors moving about in the blue light. He points to all of the different creatures nestled into the coral build walls, looking over his shoulder to make sure that D sees them too. When Dirk looks back at the tank, D glances down at his watch. He doesn’t want to be late.

Only when Dirk is sure that he has seen everything in the tank at least twice, he pulls D over to the next one.

The small terrariums are a little tall for Dirk so D picks him up and carries him on his hip, letting Dirk peer into each little world and find its inhabitants.

D glances at his watch a couple more times as Dirk gets stuck mesmerized by the jellyfish exhibit.

Dirk hides behind D as they walk past the sharks and absolutely refuses to go pose in the fake open mouth.

D has to drag Dirk away from the beluga exhibit with “Come on, you little brat. Going to be late. You promised to listen when I said it was time to go.”

“But D!”

“Nope. Come on.” D hoists Dirk up over his shoulder. Dirk waves sadly at the beluga doing somersaults in the water as if just for him. D continues to walk quickly away towards a little side hall near the exit.

“Oh my, is that the little prince?”

“Hey, Condy. Yup, this is Dirk. Dirk, say hi to Miss Condy.”

“Hi, Miss Condy.”

The woman in the wet suit with more hair than Dirk has ever seen before kneels in front of him. “Are you ready for an adventure?”

“Fishies!”

“Yup, that’s right! You’ll get to see the fishies, and all the stuff we do for them. And then we’ll take you to see some of the ones we don’t let anyone else see. How about that?”

“Yay!”

“Thanks, Condy, for setting up a backstage visit like this on such short notice.”

“Not a problem, dollface.”

* * *

**5\. Stocks**

TG: argh shit shit shit

TG: goddamn it

TG: thats not supposed to happen

GT: what happened?

TG: the stocks decided to take a swan dive into record lows just after i put my lunch money into them just to see how it would feel being in the dark pits of loss and no revenue like the rest of the fucking economy

TG: i knew i shouldnt have trusted those venture capitalists i knew it

GT: you usually don’t go for the ventures. what’s up?

TG: i wanted to get d something nice for his birthday

GT: how nice?

TG: really nice

TG: like platinum tuxedo nice

TG: like a couple grand nice

TG: but then the fucking stock has to go tank and shit on all of my grand plans like they are cheap one ply tissue paper in a dirty dank gas station bathroom

GT: gross.

GT: i’m going to throw you some advice you gave me a long time ago

TG: wait hold the presses

TG: jonathan marie egbert actually listened to something i had to say

TG: its a miracle

GT: my name’s not jonathan and i don’t have a middle name

GT: and i listen to you all the time!!!

TG: sure you do

_ghostyTrickster is now an idle chum!_

TG: fine

TG: what words of wisdom do you have to regurgitate back at me like a proud mama bird feeding her young pre chewed worms

GT: again, ew.

GT: anyways, just be patient and give it some time. you usually know what you are investing in so just give it a moment to let it mature.

TG: mature

GT: yup! that’s what you are always saying to me! and probably everyone else who asks you for investment advice.

_turntechGodhead is now an idle chum!_

GT: wow. rude.

TG: sorry sorry you just reminded me

TG: i havent taken a look at my longterms in a while

TG: and whatdya know

TG: they are still doing fine

TG: great even

TG: investing in mortuaries and parlor homes and morgues are great because no matter what happens to the economy people still die

GT: wow.

GT: that’s morbid as fuck.

GT: but who knew your creepy obsession with dead things would actually pay off.

TG: i knew

TG: that’s why i invested

TG: oh btw watch the mail in the next week or so because i kinda got double what i needed and got you something

GT: dave! it’s been 15 min!!! no way you got that much!!

* * *

**6\. Creepy**

“BITCHFACE MCGEE!”

“Whatchu say, boy?” Bro asks like a minute or two afterwards from his work desk, not even bothering to look over at Dave.

“Wasn’t talking to you.”

Bro finally turns around and glances around the otherwise empty apartment.Then back over to Dave who is just sitting blankly on the couch without even his phone in his hand. “Do I need to get the jacket that has the locking arms? Have you finally snapped? Has the blatant hedonism finally broken your frail mind?”

Dave slowly turns his head to look at Bro with a wide grin on his face and just stares at Bro. Bro tries to play it off, rolling his eyes and returning to his work. But he still feels the stare. Bro glances over his shoulder and yep Dave has the same expression on his face.

“Hey stop it.” No response. “I said quit it. It ain’t funny.” Nothing. “Fucking hell, stop,” Bro whines.

Dave just continues to stare.

Bro picks up his phone, trying to ignore his creepy brother, and calls D, “He’s being weird again. Like really bad. I- I can’t fix this one. I’m sitting him outside until you come home.”

“What do you mean weird?”

Bro looks over and Dave is still staring. Bro snaps a picture of him and sends to D. A couple seconds later he hears the startled yelp when D opens up the file. “I told ya. He’s broke.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah. Okay no, I’ve had enough of this shit.” Bro stands up and walks quickly, he does not scurry or flee thank you very much, to the bathroom, catching the sight of the same grin staring at him as he carefully closes the door behind him. “Okay,” Bro whispers, “I’m not hidin’ in the bathroom right now.”

“You are totally hiding in the bathroom right now.”

“Fine. I’m hidin’ in the bathroom but you’d be right next to me.”

“I would. But I’m not. Is he still there? Maybe you can bribe him with some apple juice.”

Bro opens the door again, slowly with his eye close to the crack to check. Dave is gone.

Like no where to be seen.

Gone.

Bro squeaks on the phone, “D! HE’S GONE! HE’S NOT THERE ANYMORE! THIS IS HOW A HORROR FILM STARTS! I DUN WANNA DIE! SHIT! WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY WEAPONS IN THIS PLACE! D! COME HOME! I’M HIDING IN THE CUPBOARD!”

“I’M NOT COMING HOME TO THAT! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??!! GET DIRK TO EXORCISE HIM OR SOMETHING!”

Bro opens the door a bit farther and still doesn’t see anything. He steps out, really hating himself for letting Dave get out of sight and not knowing where he is and not staying within the safety of the bathroom. He gets about halfway across the room, unconsciously heading for the door when he gets a prickly sensation on the back of his neck. Then he slowly turns back around and Dave is just standing like a foot away with the same smile.

Bro shrieks like a baby.

“OH MY GOD! DID IT GET YOU, DERRICK! I WILL HAVE A VODKA WAKE FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU! YOU WERE A GREAT BROTHER AND WILL BE MISSED! I’M RUNNING AWAY NOW!” Bro hears from the phone before it cuts out.

Bro locks eyes with Dave, refusing to look away again.

Then the whole scenario is ruined by a snicker from the corner. Bro frowns.

“GOD DAMN IT, DIRK! I was doing so well! You ruined it!” Dave scolds in between bouts of laughter. Bro glances to the side and see Dirk with a camera who has assumedly been recording the whole thing.

“You are so dead you’ll wish you were dead.”

—  
Later Dave has the last laugh when while Bro is fucking him, Dave all of a sudden pulls that creepy smile face when Bro is close and makes him yelp. And then ends up with a smuppet stuck up his ass and his arms and legs chained to his bed.

* * *

**7\. Stolen Phone**

“‘Kay, li’l dudes, I got my big gig tonight so y’all are going to have to be the ones to watch over Miss Halley down the hall. That means making sure she eats her dinner and that she watches her shows and that she goes to bed on time.”

He got cries of dismay as he went around the room, filling the box under his arm with the odd wires that he could need during the show tonight. It really was The Big Gig tonight, capital letters totally called for, as this was his debut at the biggest club venue in Houston. This was when DJ Puppet Freak would become a household name (for any households with twenty-something year olds that go out clubbing). This was his chance to top the industry.

All of his gear was already packed in the car and ready to go. He just had to pick up the odds and ends and then get the boys to their baby sitter for the night.

“If something goes wrong and Ms. Halley goes down worse than the ‘Help, I’ve fallen’ commercials, y’all can call me anytime to-” as he went to pat his phone which should have been tucked into his pocket like it always existed, he only ended up patting his ass. Of course he immediately checked all of his other pockets but they turned up empty as well.

“The hell? Have y’all seen my phone? Didn’t pack it up already, did I?”

The silence he got in return spoke volumes.

“Brats,” he warned in his very adult voice, the one he only had to bring out every once in a while. “Where is my phone?”

Then they pulled the worst possible weapons they had. The quivering lips and the puppy dog eyes.

“Aw shit, guys.” He knelt and set the box to the side and then gestured them over. Dave was the first to get within Bro’s reach and he pulled him into a tight hug. Dirk watched warily from just outside, big amber eyes watery but still cautious. Dave was burrowing into Bro’s polo, sniffling a little. “Guys, c’mon. Don’t do this to me. It ain’t that bad. D’s not here right now and I really need to go out tonight. To many other people are waiting on me to make them dance. And to do that, to go to work, I need my phone.”

“But you could stay here and play music for us!”

“Play for us, Bro!”

“I will, I will. But tomorrow. And I’ll give y’all some fresh stuff tomorrow. You’ve already heard everything I’m gonna play tonight.”

“But Bro!”

“How ‘bout this; I’ll call y’all while I am there and ya can listen in on a set before ya turn in for bed?” He sensed their hesitation. “I’ll even play your favorites and dedicate it to y’all over the mic.” He felt Dave nod against him and saw Dirk’s agreement as well. “But to do that I need my phone, guys.”

Dirk rolled his eyes and walked over to the fridge. When he came back, he was holding Bro’s slightly chilled phone.

“The fridge? Shoulda known. Well, y’all ready to head out? Got you everything you need to hang at Miss Halley’s?” They both nodded and picked up their travel bags stuffed with games and coloring books and pajamas. “Good boys. C’mon now.” He checked his pocket one more time for both his phone and his keys before heading out.

* * *

** 8\. Parallel Events to [Ode to the Bouncer](http://striderclan.tumblr.com/post/61061990949/ode-to-the-bouncer) **

“What the fuck is that noise?” Dave asks distractedly from his desk.

“I think, I think it’s D singing.”

“Holy fuck. Why is he singing? Is he drunk?”

“Quite possibly from what Bro was saying.”

“Bro’s out there?”

“Bro caused this.”

“What the hell.” Dave pushes away from the desk, the chair rolling halfway across the room. Dirk glances up from his laptop on the bed and watches as Dave slips to the door, peeking out.

Dave’s jaw drops as he sees Bro on his knees blowing D as D stuttered through the song still. D’s fingers are in Bro’s hair, pulling him onto himself. His hips are pumping to the beat. “Holy shit that’s hot.”

Dirk closes his laptop and slides off his bed to come stand behind his brother. He agrees with Dave’s assessment of the situation. He presses up against Dave, pinning him to the doorframe. Dave’s eyes never leave the scene unfolding in front of him but he does grind his ass back against Dirk. Dirk kisses the back of Dave’s neck, nipping lightly at the soft skin. Dave squirms a little bit more as he watches Bro start to finger D. Dirk’s hands rest on Dave’s hips, holding him in place. When Bro stands up to dance against D, his hands start to wander, slipping up under Dave’s shirt and travelling up his chest to brush over his nipples. Dave tries to turn around in his grasp, but Dirk’s hips have him pressed too tightly against the wall.

“Dirk.”

“Shh, don’t interrupt the show. I’m enjoying it,” Dirk whispers into his ear.

“You aren’t even watching it.”

“But you are. You can’t look away. Don’t look away.” Dirk’s voice dips into that commanding tone that has Dave shivering. Dirk starts grinding up against his brother harder, his erection caught in the crevice of Dave’s choice ass even if separated by two layers of fabric. His teeth get sharper on Dave’s skin, now leaving red marks across his neck and shoulders where not covered in cloth. His fingers start to pinch and tug and twist Dave’s nipples. Dave gasps but don’t let out the moan from the pleasure of the pain, trying to keep quiet as Dirk requested. Dirk’s making it hard with how hot he is making Dave. And how enticing his older brothers are looking especially as Bro lifts D up and fucks him against the wall.

“Dirk!” he whispers harshly out in warning.

“Yeah, come on. Come for me, Dave.”

And that was it for Dave who makes a quick mess in his pajama pants with a low moan. Dirk continues to rut up against him, listening to D’s moans escalate and ends up coming right along side their guardians.

“Fuck… I’m going to get a boner every time I hear that song now.”

“What a well trained dog you are.”

“Hey, you were the one humping my ass.”

* * *

** 9\. Horror Movie **

It wasn’t that bad, said the review. It wasn’t scary at all, said his friends. Don’t be a chicken, said his brothers as they had seen the new horror movie opening night while he had an economics competition that his teacher dragged him to.

So of course he went and saw it. By himself. With only a handful of teenagers making out in the back of the theater, not even paying attention to the movie. Dave now wishes that he hadn’t paid attention to the movie because now he had those images in his head.

They weren’t much; just some twists photoshopped ghouls and silhouettes that followed broken human forms paired with a sound track full of skittering and screeching. The protagonist in the movie was always looking the wrong way as the audience was treated to the visuals. Honestly, the plot was contrived and the acting very subpar (Dave makes a mental note to push D into making an actual horror movie), but Dave can’t get the malformed shapes out of his head.

In fact, he feels as though he can see them in the dark corners of the streets as he walks home from the theater. He feels like the hapless stupid fucking protag as he finds himself looking and not seeing anything when he swears something moved out of the corner of his eye. The trafficless street isn’t helping as the street lamps don’t light up enough of the sidewalk and alleys to keep Dave from jumping. Dave can almost hear the dramatic background music cuing the audience that the hero is about to be fucked up, where the audience would be yelling at the hero to look behind him but when Dave turns around there’s nothing.

Fuck.

Dave is a jumpy, skittery mess when he gets back to the apartment, finding even the familiar stairwell now filled with moving shadows. The apartment is oddly dark when he enters. He curses Bro under his breath as his brother’s ineptitude at replacing burnt out lights as he palms the entrance light switch and nothing happens. Gingerly he makes his way across the dark living room, hoping to make it to the sanctuary of his room without anything hap-

Something moves where the futon is supposed to be and Dave lets out a manly squeak as he jumps a good five feet away from the mound now moving in his direction.

“Dave? Wha are you doing?” A sleepy voice comes from underneath the blanket.

“D?” Dave squeaks out.

“You okay, dude?”

“No.”

“Come here.” D lifts up a corner of his blankets. Once Dave is sure he’s not actually going to piss his pants, he takes D up on his offer and dives under the blankets and wraps himself around the eldest Strider. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I went to the scary movie. And now my shadows aren’t empty. I swear they aren’t even though I know they are and it sucks and now I’m not gonna be able to sleep and shit and I’m going to turn into CG and be all ragey at the world because if I sleep who’s watching the shadows and I know they don’t need to be watched but what if I’m not crazy and the things get me and-”

“Shhh, Dave. Hush. I got you. I got you, little bro.” D pets the back of Dave’s head until he stops shaking as hard. Dave kinda hates himself that at eighteen he’s still getting upset like a little kid over a bit of horror. “I know, Dave. Our creative brains just over work themselves sometimes. Give it a night and they’ll leave your shadows alone. I’ll watch them while you sleep, how about that?” Dave tucks his head against his brother and nods. “Good, good. In return, you can give me a morning blowjob like Bro is always bragging about.”

“Sure, D,” Dave agrees with a laugh.

“Cool.”

* * *

** 10\. Parent-Teacher Conference (post Hate Sex) **

“Ya really want me to believe all this bullcrap?” Bro asks as he leans back in his chair opposite of the desk where the pudgy little man sat. “I’ve heard the arguments he gave and I know ya don’t have anythin’ against him because their ain’t anything to have. Dirk’s never cheated in anything but a game of monopoly that he didn’t end up winnin’ anyways. He’s even honorable in strifes. Not to mention his excellent grades and a perfect attendance record for the past couple of years. What makes ya think that he would deign to sully his hands on a test that would only affect his grade if he got something like a zero. Which you are attemptin’ to give him.” Bro pauses pointedly, tipping his head down just a bit to let one eye look over the top of his sharp glasses.

“Well, that’s- that’s what happens to cheaters.” The teacher stutters out, obviously conflicted about Bro’s relaxed appearance and sharp tone in his voice. Even the hick accent contrasted with the vocabulary that he didn’t expect. “They get zeros on their tests. It’s their punishment.”

“Ya know, I agree with that logic. Kinda fittin’ for cheaters. They try so hard but in the end it’s all for naught. I like it. ‘Cept one caveat.” Bro enjoys the teachers reaction each time he was caught off guard. “Dirk’s no cheater.”

“But- but- well, he wasn’t the one copying the other student. He was letting the other boy copy off of him,” the teacher tries to defend, puffing himself up in his seat.

“See, Dirk ain’t only honorable but he’s also damn competitive. So why would he spoil his top marks with some other dude. I mean, if they were close friends or his brother I could see from an outside point of view that makes a bit more sense, but dude, the other kid is an asshole that Dirk wouldn’t befriend. My brother’s got better standards than that.”

“Uh- uh,” the teacher stammers as Bro walks him to the edge of his logic. “He might have been bought!”

Bro tilts his head down another degree or two, just enough to get both eyes over the top of his glasses. The teacher shudders under the golden gaze, feeling the sweat prickle at his neck. “Didja just insinuate that my brother would whore himself out for a couple of bucks over a -pardon my language- damn test?” The teacher sputters. “The dude makes more than me in a week in the summer when he’s building custom robots and not dealing with bureaucratic bullshit that y’all put him through.” Bro leans forward until he’s got an elbow up on the desk in between them. Even though Bro keeps his head low, the teacher feels his intimidating presence looming over him and actually scoots back an inch. “Got any more theories on why my brother would cheat that I can shoot down? Or can we go ahead and get on with reparations with another test to prove he hadn’t copied off the other dude which was your first accusation by the way. Let ‘im prove his innocence before you start accusing him of double jeopardy.”

“I- Uh- Al-alright. He can retake the test, uh, Thursday afternoon.”

“Sounds good man,” Bro declares in an overly cheerful tone as he pushes away from the desk and stands up. He even whistles on his way out while the teacher takes deep breaths.


	2. 11-20

**11\. Porn Prank**

I work for an internet billing company that mostly does work with porn sites. It’s an alright job and I get along with it. Sometimes I can imagine myself doing more, maybe something like a radio show. But instead I take a lot of the calls coming into customer support. Mostly they are angry customers wanting to argue a charge that they didn’t make. Or more precisely that they don’t want to pay. I’ve had my fair share of screaming rants and sob stories. Only a handful are ever courteous. One though in recent memory stands out.

“Thank you for calling customer support. My name is Cecil. How can I help you?”

“Yeah, got some charges on my card, and I wanna know what the heck’s goin’ on.”

“No problem sir. If I can get the account number, I’ll be happy to help out.” The man on the other end of the line sighed and rattled off the numbers. It took the system a moment to pull up his account and I went through confirming his details per regulation. Some people actually get upset about all that but this gentleman was patient and helpful.

“Thank you very much, sir.” I looked over his account and most of the activity was going towards him instead of charging him. He must be an owner of one of the sites that we help manage. And then I see the one that is an actual charge. “Alright sir, it looks like I have a subscription here to pornking.com. Is that familiar?”

“Tha’s the one I’m lookin’ at. Now, I know I didn’t sign up for any such site, especially using this account as ya can prolly tell from the history.”

“Yes, sir. That’s how I saw it so quickly.”

“Knew ya were a smart man, Cecil. So, how does a charge like that get onto my account like that?”

“Well, sir, it looks like it is the only one of that kind. Historically, if someone’s details have been compromised, externally of course, we’ve never had an incident ourselves,” there was a grunt of agreement, “But in such a situation there are usually a series of purchases of much greater value as the thief tries to get as much value as possible before the account is shut down.”

“Makes sense.”

“But your issue is just one purchase. Which indicates that it is not the same situation. Would someone else have access to your account in your household? Possibly a young male?”

“Ah. Hold on a sec. Dave!!!”

From there it got a bit awkward as there was some more shouting in the background. I heard a very muffled plea, _“Bro…I want you to try and look deep for your sense of humor and oH GOD NO-“_ that soon became the sounds of a struggle with several pieces of furniture being toppled over and even what seemed to be metal hitting metal. Or at least that’s how my mind pictured from the sounds alone. At the moment my thoughts were _Did I just hear someone get murdered? …am I going to have to go into witness protection? …the guy on the phone sounded buff…_

"Um, Mr. Strider? Derrick? It’s a high quality site at least…is that screaming in terror I hear in the background? Now really, Derrick, I’m sure this Dave person is an important member of your household whom it would not do well to have to hide the body of…”

There was a low moan and a faint _“You have a terrible sense of humor, Dave”_ and then the sounds of the phone being picked up again.

“Alrighty, took care of the charges. Can you cancel that for me?”

“… sure. I’ve canceled it from further billing now for you.”

“Alright, ya have a nice day now.” And then the phone was silent.

I still think about that call.

* * *

**12\. Sburb Nightmare**

_00:10_

_He felt like he was thirteen, still a little kid on the precipice of becoming an adult without knowing what that word meant. Thirteen with so many possibilities in front of him. But then those possibilities vanished, draining away in a quick flash of bluered light. He stood at the edge of a literal precipice with nothing but whispering void beneath his toes that dared creep over the edge of the purple-tinged-red slab of rock. The sickening green counted down the moments in front of them with a threat that promised the end of him._

_00:07_

_00:06_

_He felt terrible fear at the numbers, for the end, but not for himself. He knew he was at his end somehow and somehow accepted that. But the blueredgreen lights wouldn’t be just his end but hers as well. She who stood at the edge of her own purple-tinged-yellow cliff. He didn’t want her to end. She couldn’t end. She had more possibilities than them and more drive to fulfill all of them where he was no hero at all. She was important and his death meant nothing._

_00:04_

_00:03_

_But none of his swallowed tears would save her. None of his lying brave glances would save her. None of her black lipstick tinted smirks would save either of them as their doom counted down in front of them. He was terrified. His gut was cold as the not so empty void around them, He was already walking dead but she was so full of life and he couldn’t save her! ‘_

_00:01_

_00:00_

Dave wakes with a start, his heart racing as the vestiges of the dream cling to his guts with icy fingers. He lets out a little sob that he stifles immediately with hands clamping down over his mouth. He shivers as his comforter falls to his waist. He glances over at the red numbers of the alarm clock.

4:13 am

He considers trying to roll over and go back to sleep. He considers his brother sleeping on the other side of the room. Then he slips out of his bed and exits to the main room where his two older brothers are sleeping on the futon. He only feels a pang of guilt as he climbs up between them, disturbing them just enough to make a space for himself. He really feels like he is thirteen again instead of eighteen, crawling in with his brothers just because of a bad dream. But their warmth is instantly comforting as he spoons against Bro’s broad back. He’s about to slip into sleep again when he feels D press up against his back, throwing an arm around his waist.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs softly.

“I know.”

“Sleep now.”

“I’m trying,” Dave laughs back at him.

“Good.” Dave feels the puff of air that brushes his hair. He falls asleep smiling.

* * *

**13\. Help I've Fallen**

“Oh shit!” Thump. “Ow.”

The other three brothers all turn towards the noise and find Dave laying flat on his face. Dirk leans over a little, looking for something that might have tripped Dave but there wasn’t even a smuppet in his way. It’s like he tripped on air. Which, as Dirk thinks about it, is quite possible for Dave.

“What.”

“Did that really just happen?”

“Dave. You’ve shamed the Strider name. Out.”

“Ah, shut up,” Dave voice is muffled into the carpet until he finally pushes himself up his feet, shaking it off. “I’m good. Pride’s a bit wounded but hell, I’ve never had much of that.”

“All Striders have pr-” D stops mid sentence as blood starts flowing down the side of Dave’s face starting at his forehead. “Oh god! Your face is more red than freckled!” D lunges to his feet.

“I’ll get the first aid kit!” Dirk dashes off.

“Should we take him to the ER?” D grabs a towel and starts cleaning Dave up as much as possible.

“Guys? I’m fine? Doesn’t even hurt.”

“Dude, you fell onto a sword,” Dirk notes as he returns, stepping over the guilty object.

“Damn it. Thought we got o’er this when y’all were three.” All three turn towards Bro.

“This has happened before?”

“He’s cut his head on a sword before?”

“When they were kids?” Bro shrugs off. He turns back to his work, determining that it’s not an emergency and the other two had things under control. “He fell a lot as a kid. And bounced right back up. He’s made of rubber. Even his head.”

“That explains a lot,” Dave muses as D forces him into a chair and continues to mop up the blood. Head wounds always bleed a lot, Dirk thinks as he gets out the appropriate supplies. Moments later, Dave has a butterfly bandage over the long but shallow cut and a small bag of ice for his bruised nose. Dave shoos them away after he gets sick of their mothering with reassurances that he is just fine and won’t be dying anytime soon. He’s about to start up another rant as he sees Bro stand up but he pauses when he sees a large box in Bro’s hand. “What’s that for?”

“You.” Bro pulls Dave to his feet and then leans down and picks Dave up, throwing him over his shoulder. Dave is a bit too stunned to react even as Bro opens the front door, tosses the box down next to the wall and dumps Dave into it.

“Wha?”

Dirk flashes forward and presses a sticky note to his forehead before retreating with Bro back inside of the apartment. Dave finally moves as he hears the click of the lock, pulling the note off first.

_Klutz needs a good home: FREE_

“I CAN’T SUCK YOUR DICKS FROM OUT HERE! SO YOUR LOSS!“ he calls out, not pouting. Not pouting at all.

* * *

**14\. Four Year Old Fluff**

D couldn’t recall of the top of his head when last the twins needed any sort of help sleeping. Certainly not at a time when he was home, at least. Being gone all those months at a time, he wondered if it was a more common occurrence when he was gone. It rarely happened when he was home.

And it wasn’t just one twin. When D was roused by small hands on his arm not moments later another pair joined and he looked at the two faces for a long time before the two of them said, in unison, “We can’t sleep.”

“Why not?” He asked quietly, and the two looked at each other and back to D, before each shrugging a little. Out of sync. Dave slightly faster than Dirk in the movement of his shoulders.

“School.” Dirk mumbled after a little bit. “We’re starting school soon.” D quirked an eyebrow. Were they worried about starting school? Why would they be worried about that? Kindergarten is, like, the best year of school there is.

“What do you want me to do about it?” D asks finally, sitting up a little and rubbing sleep from his eyes. He figures he won’t be getting any more for at least an hour.

“Bro usually makes us tea, but we don’t want tea.” Dave says, as his fingers start flexing against the fabric of D’s sweater. “You should read us a book.”

“A whole book?” D groans softly. Knowing they won’t really pick a short one. They both nod, their heads bobbing in a silly way. It’s so obvious that they’re tired, but D kind of gets the whole thing. Being tired and not being able to sleep, that it. “Fine.” He sighs, sitting up and finally standing from the futon. “Which book?”

They both begin blurting out titles so fast D can’t keep up. Finally it becomes too much and he quickly holds up his hands and tells them to stop for a moment, slow down, and take turns. They each say a title, and neither of them agree. They continue back and forth for a few more minutes before Dave suggests a Goosebumps book and Dirk gets a big smile on his face, agreeing immediately.

“Which one?” D asks.

“Night of the Living Dummy!” Dirk suggests.

“Monster Blood!” Dave disagrees.

“Rock, paper, scissors?”

“Sure.”

D watches them go. Dave wins the first round. Dirk, the second. Third rounds has come and gone and Monster Blood it is. D shoos the twins to their room and somehow, miraculously finds the book in the apartment.

He steps into the twin’s room and sees them both on Dirk’s bed, with a space in the middle for him. He takes the spot, allows the boys to settle, each curled into a side, and asks if they’re ready. They both nods against his sides and he begins reading.

He’s halfway through when he realizes the small comments and giggles have gone and he looks down to see two sleeping four year olds breathing quietly. D completely denies that his heart did a little jump from the absolutely adorable scene. Which, despite it’s cuteness, was quickly spelling bad news for him. He couldn’t go turn the light off without disturbing the two, and this position was certainly not comfortable enough to sleep in.

D places the book to the side, attempting to put it near the edge of the bed, but watches it fall instead. The noise doesn’t disturb the twins though, and he deems it a successful enough disposal. He places a hand gently on each little head, carefully, carefully, adjusting his position to be closer to lying down. As soon as he stops moving Dirk shuffles closer, and Dave turns a little more toward him.

It’s not ideal, the light is still on, but D can deal with that. And perhaps Bro will turn it off when he gets home later. D lets that thought relax him a little, and soon enough he dozes off like the twins, an arm places protectively around each.

* * *

**15\. Drive By Lunch**

“Oi, hamsters! Time for lunch!” Bro shouts to the other side if the apartment.

“We’re not hamsters!” Dirk shouts back.

“We’re gerbils!”

Dirk turns to Dave and punches him in the arm. “You’re not helping!”

“Gerbils are lots cuter though. And quicker. And they have cute little tails with floofs on the ends. And not as chubby cheeked,” Dave explains. “I mean Dirk, do you really want us to be hamsters? Are you calling me out? Are you calling me chubby, Dirk?” Dave’s eyes go wide in panic as he clings to Dirk’s sleeve.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, D’s just staring at Bro, paused in the middle of a sip of coffee. Slowly he lowers it, maintaining his look of confusion. “Hamsters? You called them hamsters? Where the fuck did that come from?”

Bro shrugs. “They run around a lot really fast and climb shit and make squeaking noises if you poke them.”

“…” D continues to stare. “Bro. No.”

Bro leans over from where he is assembling the sandwiches and pokes D in the side. D makes one of those squeaking noises Bro mentioned. Bro just smirks warmly as D glares at him.

“But honestly D, you’re too tall to be a hamster. You’re like… uh…” Bro waves the knife in his hand around, “some type of squawkin’ arm flappin’ bird thing.”

“A flamingo!” Dave offers as he slips into the kitchen, snagging one of the sandwiches and stuffs it into his mouth before Bro can snatch it back.

“Yeah, that one.”

“Well, you’re a honey badger then,” D deadpans back, “an obnoxious piece of shit that will eat anything.”

Bro just sagely nods back at him before returning to finish up lunch.

* * *

**16\. Flappy Bird**

“Damn it!” D jumps and turns to look at where Dave is glaring intently at the back of his phone. If looks could kill the touchscreen would be aflame and the back would be cracked and wounded already. At this rate, his hands are going to do the cracking.

“What’s got you up in arms, Dave?”

“I was at twenty-three! _Twenty-three! _And my damn phone died! Do you know how long it took for me to get to twenty-three? Fuckin’ _three hours_!”

“What are you talking about?”

“That stupid Flappy Birds game app. God! Twenty-three! And now my score must have reset because like hell it’d save in time for my phone to die! Damn it!”

“Calm down, Dave. It’s just a game.”

“Fuck you; it’s not _just_ a game!”

“Dave. You literally _just _called it a game.”

“Well, fine, it is a game, but it’s not _just_ a game, okay? It’s a good game!”

“Are you feeling alright, Dave?”

“No! I’m not! I was at fucking twenty-three! _Twenty-three!_”

“That doesn’t seem like all too high of a score.”

“Have you even played Flappy Bird, yet?”

“I hadn’t even heard of it before now. What’s that supposed to even mean?”

“Give me your phone.”

“Why do you want my phone?”

“Give it to me!” Dave lunges at him, pinning him to the futon. They roll around, wrestling for D’s phone, before Dave finally manages to pry it free of his hands. He exits out of a conversation with Hal in favor of opening up the Play Store. Within a handful of seconds, he’s handing the phone back with the video of an 8-bit blue bird flapping away, a button to play and a button for a score system. Dave forces him to press the play button. “The controls are easy,” he adds, “all you do is tap to go up and release to go down.”

First round, D gets zero. Second, third, fourth, fifth rounds come out with the same. On the sixth round, he gets through three pipes before the bird lags out and gives itself a concussion on the corner of a pipe. On the tenth round, Dave is cursing at the top of his lungs as he stomps away, leaving D to hum as he taps away, casually working his way out of the forties and into the fifties. He dies out at fifty-nine, sighs, shrugs, and starts again.

“The fuck was all that yelling for?” Bro asks as he walks into the apartment with a bag of groceries.

“Dave was playing some game and his phone died.”

“Ah.” D looks up, sacrificing his twenty-nine pipes to see the cracks spreading across Bro’s phone, which become more evident as the younger man takes his seat in Dave’s newly-vacated spot.

“What happened to your phone?”

“Hal got me to play Flappy Bird when he couldn’t get past three.”

“It’s not even that hard.”

“Bullshit it’s not hard!”

“Hey!” Dirk’s voice startles the both of them, forcing D to accidently kamikaze his bird at zero pipes while Bro jumps harshly beside him. They turn to look at him together, blinking innocently. “Do either of you know why Dave is fumi—oh God, not you too.”

“What’s so wrong with this game? It’s not even that hard!”

“First of all, _thank_ you for agreeing with me, D. Second of all,” turning slowly, he calls down the hall, “Hal get your metal-chassis ass out here!”

* * *

**17\. Yo Mama**

Bro could have listed a hundred reasons why this calling out grabbed his attention so easily. Obviously the first was the call of “Hey you! Dude with the freaky shades!” This group had been generally obnoxious every time the Striders had passed by, but this was the first time anything was directed at any of them.

Bro had managed to ignore the original calling out until the next thing yelled was “Yo mama is so stupid that you have to dig for her IQ!” The twins each groaned, they knew how big of a mistake that was even before Bro had stopped and turned to the group of rowdy twenty-somethings.

“Did they just…?” Dave mumbled, looking over to Dirk, who gave an affirmative nod.

Bro stalked over, one smug smirk after another falling as he made his way over. One has half a mind to back away at least, hopping over a nearby plant and not-very-casually rushing in the opposite direction. The others, on the other hand, aren’t as quick and Bro soon stands in front of them.

The anger is almost palpable, as Bro gives each of them a moment to realize that they have made a grave mistake. He lifted a hand, pointing to the first poor soul in line.“Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money.” He shifted to the next, “Yo mama is so old that I told her to act her own age, and she died. ” Next one, who looks almost as dumb as their joke was, “Yours is so stupid she put a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call.”

His finger finally moves to the last one in line, the one who had called out the original joke. “Yo mama so nasty when she takes off her underwear it sounds like Velcro.” He then proceeds to mimic the sound, then turns back to the twins. He doesn’t wait for a response, he’s done with them. The four all look on as Bro leaves, each a little more stunned than the last.

When he reaches the twins again they simply stay out of his way, following him away from the group which now has an onlooker. A young girl, laughing at their embarrassment.

* * *

**18\. Kigurumis**

Another long trip. Who knew it would be so tedious to get a foot in the door in Hollywood? D realized that he was supremely lucky that some of his Houston projects had connections to Hollywood, but at the same time, they should just be waiting to snap up his genius. Instead he had to play by their rules and socialize and schmooze until the soles of his shoes gave out.

But at the end, he had secured the funding for his first screen work.

In celebration, he managed to pardon himself from Hollywood for a long weekend (week if he could manage it) home. He needed his boys. The warm Houston air already felt good on his skin. The view of his apartment building was a beautiful sight for sore eyes. He nearly floated up the stairs in happiness. He didn’t even break stride as he entered the apartment.

He did pause to take in the mound of pillows and blankets on the flattened futon. Lounging on top of all of the fluff were the remaining three Striders dressed in kigurumis. Dave had ears on the hood of his black and white cat design. Dirk had a sandy blonde mane attached to a sandy brown pony design. He nearly choked suppressing a snort at Bro’s bear design. He felt like he was going to die of an overload of cuteness.

Dirk saw him, reached over the side of the futon, picked up a package, and tossed it to his brother. D unfurled it and recognized the distinctive colors and patterns of a giraffe. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry over it. Or laugh hard enough to cry. It was stupidly perfect.

The next thing he knew he was kicking off his shoes and sliding out of his jacket. His outer clothes came off in short order and he slipped into the fuzzy warmth of his own kigurumi. He was pulled into the makeshift pile and nuzzles against all three of his brothers. Dirk ended up in his lap with his arms wrapped around D’s neck with Dave sitting in Bro’s lap but kicking his feet against D’s thigh. The twins giggled as they all settled down.

“Welcome home, D!”

“Love you, D!”

“Ya make a cute gangly giraffe.”

“Shut up, teddy bear.”

It was good to be home.

* * *

**19\. Sugar Rush**

“Uurrp!”

“Nice one, Dave.”

“Thanks!” He wiped his lips and set the empty soda can down next to the other nine empty cans. Both Dave and Dirk felt a little bloated but at the same time, their nerves were singing with energy. There were nearly buzzing as they sat next to each other giggling. There was one more can per six pack that they were each going through but their hands were shaking so badly they couldn’t get the tabs open. Instead they fell against each other with peals of laughter for a moment before bouncing up off the sofa and racing to their rooms to get their foam swords. Then it was time for an epic battle between sailor Dirk and pirate Dave.

After bouncing on their beds for a while, the battle moved out of the bedroom. It lived only a short time in the bathroom before Dave started using the faucet to spray water at Dirk (and most of the floor) making Dirk perform a tactical retreat.

They made their way back to the futon, climbing all over it. Dave got to the top, standing precariously along the thin line as he batted away Dirk’s sword. His giggles made him wobble a bit but he successfully landed a couple light blows to Dirk’s head. But the foam hits didn’t slow him down despite Dave’s crowing that he should be dead.

“I’m a zombie now! Rawr! Braaiinss!”

“Eeek!” Dave squealed as he got hit a couple of time from Dirk’s sword.

“Now you are a zombie too!”

“Ra-eep!” Dave was startled by the sound of the front door opening. His arms cartwheeled as he tried to maintain his balance but there was too much sugar in his system to properly compensate and he felt himself falling. It was if time had slowed down as he felt his foot slip off the cushion. The room spun wildly and he heard Dirk’s faint cry. He expected to land on the hardwood floor with a crash but instead he bounced a little in big strong arms.

Dave couldn’t help but giggle as adrenaline and sugar course through his veins at the close call.

“Thanks, Bro.”

“What the fuck were you doing?” Bro’s tone was harsh and a bit angry which just got more giggles from Dave.

“I was a pirate zombie! Om nom nom.” Dave leaned over and mimicked chewing on Bro’s arm. Bro was about to growl some more about it when he was suddenly attacked from behind by another giggling zombie who latched himself onto Bro’s back. Bro stood up with both boys still clinging to him. He glanced around the apartment and groaned at the miniature can tower they had made. That explained everything. He contemplated for a moment tying them down while the sugar ran its course. But then,

“If y’all are zombie pirates, then I’m the kraken, RAWR!”

* * *

**20\. Laundry Room**

D’s shirt and pants are flying every which direction as soon as D closes the door behind him. Dirk’s already pressed up against his brother sucking at his neck, ridding him of every scrap of cloth he can reach. D’s not surprised at all to find his younger brother already naked. And apparently hard, according to the erection digging into his now bare thigh. Bro is lounging on the futon which is their next destination based on where Dirk is dragging him to. His nakedness and lube-shiny cock are all the clues D needs to piece together what they had been up to just moments before he entered.

It was so nice seeing his brothers get along.

Dirk’s about to shove D into Bro’s arms when they hear a knock at the door. All motion freezes as they silently deliberate what to do about it. Three boners vote that they ignore it and hope whoever it is goes away because Bro hadn’t ordered any take out he answers D’s questioning eyebrow with a shake of his head.

Then whoever it is knocks again, with a little more emphasis. Bro groans and curses under his breath about neighbors fucking up fun time, but he grabs a nearby pair of sweatpants and shoos the other two down the hall to the bedroom.

Dirk grabs D’s hand and starts pulling him along but in his haste, he trips on smuppet that squeaks loudly and slams into and then through the door between the kitchen and the hallway. Bro rolls his eyes hard at the mishap as D is dragged along. He shrugs as his brothers are now out of view and opens the door.

“Missus Jillian, how are you today?”

D closes the laundry room door as much as he can without engaging the loud latch. He’s about to attempt to make it silent but Dirk drags him away. His protest is blocked by Dirk’s lips on his.

_“I saw D’s car in the lot and wanted to welcome him home with this lasagna I happened to have on my stove.”_

Dirk presses himself up against D and D has to hold back the moan when their dicks brush each other. “D, I need you to fuck me,” Dirk whispers lowly.

_“How thoughtful of you. I’m sure he’ll enjoy it. Here I can take it for you.”_

“What? N-” Dirk’s hand clamps down on D’s mouth before he can say any more.

“You’re not whispering,” Dirk explains. “I need your cock inside me. I’m already open and wet for you.” D’s hands traitorously grab Dirk’s ass to check. Of course he’s telling the truth.

_“Oh no dear, please just direct me where to set it down. It’s still hot and you’d burn your hands.”_

D bites his lip and weighs his options. “Please, D, please. Need it so bad.” D grabs his hips and spins him around, shoving his torso down over the washing machine. It’s a little rough on entry because he wasn’t lubed up, but Dirk is so nicely warm and wet that D gets coated quickly and by the second thrust he’s sliding smoothly.

_“Can I get you something to drink, Missus Jillian?”_

_“Just Jill please, hun. No reason to be so formal. But I would love a glass of water.”_

D plots Bro’s demise as he fucks Dirk, at one point grabbing a hopefully clean cloth to shove into Dirk’s mouth as a makeshift gag and biting down on his shoulder to muffle his own.

—

When Missus Jillian finally leaves, Dirk and D emerge from the laundry room sated.

“Y’all smell like detergent. I hope ya din use it for lube. I pay good money for that shit and it’s for cleanin’ clothes, not your blasphemous weirdo asses.”


	3. 21-30

**21\. Allergies**

“Bo, Booooo,” D whines over the phone sounding positively miserable. His voice is a muffled ghost of it’s usual self, hiding behind layers of mucus and irritated flesh. it seems like everything and it’s close relative is blooming in full force out in Hollywood, bombarding D with clouds of yellow dust that even follows him inside. D is trapped out there by obligations relating to his latest movie because no one seems to be able to do their job without him looming over them. “Bo, peas let me cut off mah head.”

“No, D. That won’t solve anythin’.”

“But it would. I wouldn’t feel so bad.”

“Doncha have medicine for this?”

“It not workin’,” D moans and then sniffles loud enough that Bro has to pull the phone away from his ear. “Not workin’ even with the tea an’ candies Charlotte got me.”

“Tea and candies?”

“She promised they would help but they’re not.” There is the thumping sound of D’s head hitting the nearest horizontal surface. “Booooo, come take care a meeeee.”

“Not flyin’ out there so ya can smear snot all over me, D.” Bro leans back in his chair, perfectly comfortable in the Houston apartment. “The medicine should be workin’,” he muses as he pulls up weather information on D’s locale. He frowns at what he sees. “It ain’t even the worst year out there for plant jizz.”

“Ewww, Bo. Tha’s gross.”

“Hey, I ain’t the one breathin’ flower spunk.”

“Groooooss.” D sniffles loudly again as the vibrations of his own voice stirs up more gunk in his head. “But the medicine an’ the ginger not helpin’.”

“Ginger? They’re ginger candies and tea?”

“Suppose’ta be good for the system. Charlotte said so.”

“Dude. Wow. Might need to come out there and save ya from your own stupidity. Shithead, you’re allergic to ginger.”

“Wha?”

“Yeah, dumbass. Ain’t no wonder why the medicine ain’t workin’. Ya makin’ it work overtime on your dumb ass.”

“Oh.” D sounds so pathetic and defeated.

Bro knows he shouldn’t laugh at his brother’s misery. He knows he shouldn’t poke fun even if it is self inflicted. But he can’t help himself and ends up guffawing through D’s curses and eventual hanging up of the phone.

* * *

**22\. Broken Rollercoaster**

Bro doesn’t know how they got him onto the roller coaster especially after the last fiasco. He would have thought that Dave would have learned something. Maybe this is his way of begging for another week of torture. Maybe it’s Dirk’s turn to end up crying like a bitch. Who knows. Bro certainly doesn’t know, but here he is strapped in next to Dirk and Dave climbing up that long clicking hill that will only end in nausea and hate.

He rolls his eyes when Dave moans directly next to him. Serves him right for stuffing his face with that funnel cake. Then he hears Dirk’s name being gasped out and Bro has to look over. Sure enough Dirk’s hand is rubbing very blatantly against Dave’s crotch even with the bulky harness strapped down over their chests. Bro would facepalm so hard if he could at how illegal it is to do that with so many people right below them.

“Dirk, keep it in your pants and your hands to yourself.”

“Aw, Bro, you’re spoiling all my fun.”

“No one wants to see your molestations, ya exhibitionist freak.”

“Dave, Bro’s kink shaming me,” Dirk playfully whines.

“Mmmm ah! Oh shit shit shit.”

“Did ya really just come in your shorts?”

“No, shit. The lock. My seat. It’s not locked anymore.” Bro hears the fear in Dave’s voice and it goes straight to his heart. There is no way to stop the ride at this point, nearly at the top of the hill. It’s a short ride but with intense loops. Bro’s arm immediately clamps down on the handle of Dave’s harness. He feels the looseness of it but he blocks the_ what if_ thoughts that spring unbidden.

“Dirk, hold down your side. We’ll get through this, Dave, hold tight.” Dave hand grips Bro’s wrist with strength born of fear. A second later they go over the first peak and race downwards. Bro feels the pull of the G forces on the harness but like hell is he letting go. The usual whoops of excitement are silent as all three Striders cling to the equipment and each other. The usually soft lift at the tops of the smaller peaks now drive dread deeper into Bro as he grips the metal handle with all his might.

They come around to the last turn and the brakes throw them all forward to the point that Dave yelps as he nearly falls out. The slow down enough that there is no more danger but it still takes a while for Bro to relax his death grip on the harness. As they pull into the dock they let it flip up before the rest of the seats are unlocked.

“Hey you can’t get out yet!” an attendant calls out to them.

“He’s not trying to. Shut this ride down,” Bro commands, barely keeping a snarl out of his voice. “His seat’s been broken since the top.” The attendants’ faces go white and silence falls over the whole line behind them. 

* * *

**23\. Flesh by Simon Curtis**

The sheets feel good as he lays out across them. He shifts his limbs just to feel the fabric slide against his skin. On the other side a warm breeze floats in from outside and caresses his skin. There is nothing better than a cool summer day that he can just relax and enjoy himself.

Nice headphones cup his ears and block out the rest of the world. He selects a particular playlist and then drops the player to the pillow next to his head as the music starts flowing. The deep bass echoes down to his heart beats and he can feel his blood start to bounce in time. He takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment, and then slowly lets it out.

His fingers gently run down his chest, briefly circling around his nipples. He lets the edges of his nails press and drag along his torso until there is a series of red lines across his skin. His hands glide down his stomach, pressing down in contrast to the previous teasingly light touch. But his self teasing isn’t over as his hands part across his hips and rub down against the tops of his thighs. He dips down to the inside of his legs, having to lift them apart to let both curled hands fit. Once again he drags his nails across the sensitive skin, letting out a pleased hiss that he barely hears over the music flooding into his head.

The lyrics curl around his mind and bring him images of Bro handling him on the futon or Dirk pushing him down into his mattress. He pictures the two of them fighting over him as they kiss, lick, nip, and bite at his neck and shoulders, in competition to see who could leave the best mark. His fingers trace out memories of where rope and leather have decorated his body and he shivers as his hands are drawn down closer to where he aches.

He tries to draw out how much he can take but the craving finally gets too much and he sighs in relief when he finally wraps one of his hands around his length. The grip is slick with precome that beads up at the tip before sliding down. His fingers catch it and use it to help slide up and down over the thin skin pulled taut. Dave moans as he touches himself, using the words to paint the picture of his brothers over him.

He would be begging for them to touch him, to fuck him, to ravish him. He can almost feel the leather of Bro’s gloves wrapped around his neck. He remembers how Dirk’s hair gel feels between his fingers. His body knows how D feels sliding into him.

Dave pumps himself in sync with the beat as it picks back up. His hips lift up off the bed as he fucks his hand. The other is running up and down his body, dipping down to cup and roll his balls and then sliding up to lightly press against his wind pipe, making his moans airy.

It’s a steady build up to the orgasm but it’s a nice enough day that Dave just lets it crest and crash through him, his body stiffening up and a moan caught in his throat. His cum lands hotly across his hand and stomach through the several pumps. His breathing returns as the music returns to the front of his mind, but he’s in no hurry to move. He wipes his hand on the towel he had brought over and cleans himself up a little but doesn’t move from his relaxed spread eagle position. A lazy smile crosses his lips as he drifts off into a nice dream fueled by the music.

* * *

**24\. New Jeans**

Damn, where did he even get those jeans. Dirk doesn’t remember seeing that pair before but now he can’t take his eyes off of his twin’s ass because damn that fabric just hugs that round ass and tucks in just right at the top of his thighs. He kinda wants to be those pockets clinging to that rump. The jeans have a higher than normal waist that disappear under his shirt but Dirk catches glimpses when Dave stretches up to reach something or other, Dirk does not have the capacity to figure out what. He’s too preoccupied simultaneously imagining how that ass would feel under his fingertips and trying to keep his boner down because fuck it’s the middle of the school day in the middle of a very public cafeteria and fuck those thoughts aren’t helping stupid exhibitionist kink rearing its ugly head.

What he wouldn’t give to just pull those jeans off of Dave and have him writhing on the table in front of everyone, claiming his twin as his in their weird fucked up incestuous way.

Thoughts like that definitely don’t help the boner situation. Though thankfully his shades give him some protection as he’s mastered the ability to look out of the corner of his eyes. He thanks the powers the be for listening to the legal/medical mumbo jumbo that Bro put through for the ability to wear glasses inside. Dave needs his a bit more than Dirk but Dirk will take any advantage that he is handed to stare at asses that good.

Dave leans over the table again, letting his ass jut out and giving Dirk a better view of the fabric stretching down his thighs before it bunches up behind the back of his knees. Dirk doesn’t know if the position is posed or natural because honestly with Dave it could be either.

Though when Dave shoots Dirk a look over his shoulder before sliding back into his seat, Dirk knows.

That bastard has been doing it on purpose. He’s been fucking with Dirk and prancing that ass about in those brand new jeans on fucking purpose. Dirk knows he should be a tiny bit angry and maybe he is but mostly he’s thinking with his cock which twitches painfully against his own jeans.

He’s just about to signal to his twin to meet him in the nearest little boys room to pay him back for his teasing but just as he raises his hand, the bell goes off and Dirk swears that Dave is the first one out of the room.

No matter though, Dirk knows where he lives. Now all he has to do is survive the rest of the day with his boner.

* * *

**25\. Sex Tape**

“Dave.”

“I’m in the middle of something, Hal.” Dave doesn’t even look up from where he is reclining on his bed, eyes closed and hand down his pants.

“Dave. Dave. Dave.”

“Oh my dear sweet baby jesus _what_?”

“Dave.”

“I am going to hur-”

“Put this on.” Dave has a split second to open his eyes before the sprite chassis drops the shades onto him. Dave groans and catches them with his free hand.

“Can’t this wait?”

“And here I thought I was being helpful. It seems you’ve been going at it for fifteen point eight six minutes and don’t seem to be making any progress.”

“And if I want to take my time and enjoy it?”

“Trust me, you’ll _enjoy_ this. Dirk certainly did. Put them on.”

Dave sighs and surrenders to the little AI, flipping the arms of the shades open and sliding them onto his face. It takes a split second to initialize. The screen actually goes opaque instead of it’s usual transparency. Then the darkness flickers and a couple figures focus on the screen. it’s kinda tricky programming to have the two sides of the glasses show the same image at this close range by reading Dave’s eye movements, but after a moment of calibration everything is crystal clear. Well at least the image does, the sound is still spotty and tinny and Dave just tunes it out in favor of watching D shove Bro up against the wall. The rough movements of D ripping Bro’s clothes off brings up phantom memories of Bro pulling at Dave’s. Dave is impressed at D’s skillful lubing as he apparently doesn’t even give Bro a chance before fingers are up his ass.

Dave’s erection that had been flagging with the interruption is now back to full force and twitching inside of Dave’s loose hand.

He doesn’t get to hear most of their conversation but Dave doesn’t really think conversation is as important as watching D slam himself into Bro against the wall. It looks pleasantly painful and rough and Dave is about to go find D to beg for the same treatment himself.

The only reason he doesn’t is that he watches D pull Bro away from the wall and shove him down onto the couch for some further plowing. Dave almost pulls his hand away entirely because a single touch would set him off and he wants to see the end of the video. But even as his brothers crash together at their climatic end, Dave glances at the bar and finds the video halfway done. And sure enough, D extracts himself from Bro and starts rummaging around the apartment. Dave eyes are trained on Bro’s abused ass with that slight trickle dripping down the inside of his thighs. Both Dave and D seems surprised when D comes back with a dildo.

Dave comes without touching himself when D shoves it into Bro.

“I told you that you would enjoy this.”

“Fucking hell, Hal. Fucking _hell_.”

* * *

**26\. Latin**

****“Ut veniat ad cubiculum,” Dave whispers into his brother’s ear.

“Ya know I have no idea what that means, right?” Bro doesn’t even tilt his head in Dave’s direction, keeping his attention on the small stitches on the puppet in front of him.

“Coniectura,” he murmurs before pulling away. Bro spares him a glance long enough to watch Dave sashay away with only a towel around his waist. Dave flicks him a smile over his shoulder before dropping the towel right outside of his room. It doesn’t take Bro much to guess the gist of what Dave was talking about and even less to flash step to the twin’s bedroom, leaving the puppet abandoned on the coffee table.

Bro’s barely past the door before he is pulled and pushed roughly forward. He stumbles a bit until he catches himself on the bed, arms straight out but body arched forward. Dave is pressed along that arch, along his back, keeping him in position. Dave’s mouth works its way up his spine and along his shoulder blades, hot even through the layer of cloth.

“Tu es ipse pulcher valde, Bro,” Dave continues to speak in his dead foreign language and Bro doesn’t know why it is so hot. “Sed tu respice melius nudus.”

Bro doesn’t fight or argue as Dave’s hands start tugging at his clothes; shirt first, then belt, then shoving Bro’s his jeans down with a grope or two of the newly freed burgeoning erection. Bro helps kick off his shoes and step out of his jeans when the time comes, otherwise he is simply enjoying the way Dave’s body feels against his skin. Dave’s erection smears precum across the back of Bro’s thighs and against his ass.

“Sic volo te durus confutuere.” It’s said with such heat and passion that Bro is nodding yes without even understanding the exact words. He gets the full meaning out of them and is unsurprised with Dave’s hand shoves against the middle of his back. “Flecte quod est super canem.”

Bro lets his arms fall and lets his chest hit the cool sheets. He hears the snap of a lid and wonders briefly of where Dave was keeping the lube on him. But then his thoughts are obliterated by the liquid running down his crack with Dave’s fingers chasing after it briefly. Dave lets it pool at his entrance with light teasing touches before finally pushing forward.

“Sentis bene,” Dave murmurs and Bro relaxes into his touch. Dave keeps up a string of what sounds like nonsense to Bro who gets lost in the rhythmic syllables. Meaning isn’t important.

* * *

**27\. Boss Ass Bitch**

D grins as Dirk leans down, catching his lips in a quick, chaste kiss. The two of them stare at each other for a minute, crimson staring into amber; honey-gold eyes light up with hidden mirth as deep red fill with curiosity. D breaks the staring contest first to look over Dirk’s outfit. He’s apparently snagged one of D’s white button downs, though it is only halfway buttoned up, revealing his smooth chest while still hugging his waist. Those booty shorts look painted on for how much they revealing. Definitely not suitable for public wear. But the boots that come up and hug his calves are enticing. Would be better if they were heels, but D knows how awkward Dirk would look like trying to walk in those. He just doesn’t have the balance like Dave.

D’s eyes flick back up to his waist because who could resist hips coated in black leather that strains with pressure from an aroused erection.

Dirk lets D look him over and drink in his fill before finally reaching out and turning his prepared song on.

_I’m a boss ass bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch I’m a boss ass –_

Smile horrifically large, D has to cover his face to hide his snort. The most he gets out of Dirk is a quick, sexy wink before he turns around, all about the slow grind of his hips as he swivels them right in D’s face. A pause, then he drops down low, teasingly close to D’s lap as he makes the same swivel mere inches off of it. Looking over his shoulder, it’s already obvious that the ridiculous song doesn’t matter. The beat will be enough to torture D. After all, you don’t touch the lap dancer. Judging by the blush already rising to D’s face, it won’t take too much time before the older man is begging to touch–and to be touched.

* * *

**28\. Get in the Car**

Bro wouldn’t go so far as calling it a habit, but the phrase had been his go-to for getting the twins to drop whatever they’re doing like it’s hot and at least listen to him. But the moment he finished saying “Get in the car, bitch, we’re going shopping.” It was like a pit opening in his stomach when violet eyes turned to him, a single eyebrow arched and questioning.

She didn’t have to say anything, and Bro internally berated himself on letting that one slip to ROSE of all people. She didn’t speak, though. She merely placed her bookmark, closed the book she had been reading, and set it aside, standing.

Bro had expected at least a snarky comeback, some sort of remark or another but Rose silently, ominously, got herself ready for the shopping trip.

The drive to the mall was silent. Rose didn’t seem really up for much talk and Bro just felt a bit guilty. Seriously, he doesn’t understand how he let that slip to his little sister, who even says that to their little sister? It’s a bad case of auto-pilot gone wrong and Bro actually feels guilty.

It is Rose, and she is a grown woman, perfectly capable of dealing with whatever comes her way, but at the same time it was Rose. He assisted in her upbringing! It was weird and her persisted silence throughout the majority of the shopping trip aside from the small “Do you think [insert family member name here] would like this?” and small little comments about the pros and cons of each potential gift.

Whenever they finish at a store with their gifts in hand, no matter how quick Rose was to go for her wallet, Bro was always faster. And no matter how many times she may have offered, Bro carried everything, despite the ache his arms eventually developed.

Even after his self inflicted penance, Bro worries for the majority of the trip he may have legitimately made Rose mad at him. They go back to the house in the same silence they left in, she returns to her book without much of another word to him.

It’s a bit later in the evening when she approaches him, and Bro thinks she might be here to finally say something about what he said when she tosses the car keys at him.

“Get in the car, bitch,” she says. “We’re going out for dinner.”

* * *

**29\. Flute**

Frustrated mumbles carried across the room, from where Dirk sat at the turntables, to where D sat, on the futon watching whatever shit television happened to be on. “Something the matter?” he asks, tilting his head in his younger brother’s direction as headphones are discarded.

“There’s something missing,” Dirk answers curtly as he leans back in the chair.

“Is it your innocence?”

“Other than that.” Dirk heaves a sigh, turning to face D. “Come listen, maybe you can help.” He waves the older Strider over grabbing the headphones and holding them out. D ambles over, listens, nods his head along and then side to side as if in thought. He asks Dirk to play it one more time, again nodding in thought before finally taking off the headphones.

“I think I know what you need.” And he walks off, to the laundry room where Dirk hears some shuffling, a small ‘ah’ and ‘there it is’ and D returns with a black case. “Look, now it’s been upwards of fifteen years since I last played this thing, so I’m gonna be rusty, just bear with me.”

Dirk isn’t really sure what he was expecting, quite frankly, but when the shiny pieces of the small instrument comes out, it was definitely not a flute. He watched with brows furrowed in confusion as D puts the instrument together and sits on the end of the futon, playing one wonky note and wincing at himself.

Dirk hold up a hand, waving it with a few mumbled ‘hold up’s. “Since when can you play the flute?” he asks, gesturing vaguely the shiny instrument.

D puts on a thoughtful look before answering. “Since I was twelve. Got too busy when we came here. You want me to play it or not?” This has Dirk shifting, sitting up a little straighter and motioning for D to continue. He certainly does want D to play; he didn’t even know his older brother was capable of this, he certainly wants to hear this.

A few more off notes, and then finally it starts making sense. Dirk listens as D plays something slow, something boring, and when Dirk expresses this thought aloud D rolls his eyes at him. After another moment Dirk is going to ask D if he knew anything more interesting when a noise, that was most definitely not the typical flute note, stops his words before they have even fully formed.

It takes Dirk a whole second to realize D is beatboxing. Who the fuck even does that anymore? While playing the flute no less.

Taking up the headphones, Dirk presses one to his ear, listening to the track, and D’s flute playing and comes to the conclusion that, yes, this is actually what he needed.

* * *

**30\. Horse Mask (Written by Guest Writer OfficialAlphaDave)**

“Davey,” Bro drawls, sword hanging loose at his side, “I know I said strife, and I know I said now, but what the ever livin’ fuck is on your head?”

Dave brings up his sword. His vision is impaired with the horse mask, and it wobbles on his head when he makes any sort of movement, but at least it hides the wide grin he’s sporting at Bro’s shell-shocked expression. “It’s a mask, Bro,” Dave replies, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Wow, do I really need to reintroduce you to internet culture?”

Bro rolls his eyes and takes a lazy swipe at Dave, who parries it and returns the swipe just as lazily. It quickly becomes obvious that this isn’t the usual fast paced strife, with its flashstepping strikes and barely in time blocks, but it’s more relaxed. Dave has a feeling it’s because of his vision impairment and Bro’s desperate attempts not to laugh at him.

“Where’d ya even find a thing like that, Davey?” Bro asks as Dave barely blocks an overhead swing he didn’t see coming until the last moment.

“Ebay,” he replies. The hot Texas sun suddenly seems to be ten degrees hotter, and Dave can feel the sweat rolling down his forehead. He blinks hard, trying to keep it from dripping into his eyes, and Bro actually has to step back and laugh at the way Dave tosses his head.

“Neigh,” Bro chuckles. “Maybe I’ll start callin’ ya Clementine.”

“What?” Dave asks, and Bro shakes his head.

“Nothin’, nothin’. Left ankle,” Bro says, and Dave windmills his arms as he jumps back, avoiding the low swing Bro takes at Dave’s left leg.

Dave swears under his breath and takes a lunge at Bro, who knocks Dave aside and smacks him on the ass with the flat of his blade as he passes by. Dave stands up and rubs his ass, turning back to Bro, the muzzle of his horse mask wobbling. Bro twirls his katana and smiles as sweetly as he can, the asshole. He doesn’t even look like he’s breaking a sweat.

Dave brings his sword up and forces himself to flashstep, going for Bro’s chest, but Bro’s sword is there to meet him and he slides it along Dave’s blade, resting the point at the base of Dave’s throat, at the hollow between Dave’s collarbones. Dave huffs and lowers his sword.

“I surrender,” he says, and Bro nods.

“Good. Yer burnin’ that mask.” Dave pulls off the horse mask and rolls his eyes.

“You realize I’ll just buy another one, right?”

“An’ until then, I’ll enjoy knowin’ that there ain’t one in my apartment. Yer burnin’ it.”


	4. 31-40

**31\. Jenga **

The blocks waver on the table precariously as Bro taps out his chosen target. Everyone is holding their breath as the piece finally comes free. They let it out and then immediately take another as Bro now has to play it at the top of the structure. The bottom of the tower is just a series of single pieces crossing back and forth, the Striders apparently not going for the middle ones until absolutely necessary. At this point they are digging into the rows built from taken pieces. Bro’s hands only have the slightest of trembles, a significant sign of how stressful this game has turned.

Let’s have a game night, they said. D’s in town, it’ll be fun, they said. Bro no longer sure who’s having fun at this point, but he successfully sets the piece down on the tower, watching it widdle at the new weight before settling down again.

Next is Dirk who moves with such precise movements after almost five minutes of analysis that the rest of the Striders are going to give him shit for being such an engineering nerd as soon as his turn is done. There is sanctity in the middle of the round though that no Strider will disturb.

He survives and it’s Dave’s turn. He immediately goes to the next whole row and takes the piece out with such speed that the rest of them are cringing with sympathy and they nearly cry out when he simply drops it onto the top, but the tower doesn’t even shake, the lucky bastard.

D hates playing after Dave because the little son of a gun is so fast in his play. He gets to his feets and leans over the tower, looking for the best angle to pull from. The other Striders have to bite their lips to keep from laughing at his position, which is more ridiculous with each round. He sees the piece that he wants and finally contorts his arm around the tower (with his sleeve nearly hitting the top) and plucks it out. The other Striders hold perfectly stock still as he lines himself up to place it on the top, seeing his downfall before he does. He places the piece on the same side that he just took from and the second he lets it go, the whole top of the tower tilts over and crashes against the coffee table.

“BITCHING FUCK NUGGET! GOD DAMN IT! STUPID FUCKING GAME!” D rants over the other Strider’s laughter. Dave tries in vain to soothe the whirlwind of flailing angry limbs. “THIS GAME IS BANNED FROM THE APARTMENT!” He scoops up an armful of the pieces, strides over to the window, and chucks the pieces out to terrorize the pedestrians below. The others stare on with horror.

“Ooookay, we can play another game, D,” Dirk offers.

“Which one ya want?”

“How about monopoly?” Dave grins maniacally. D returns to the futon and threatens to strangle Dave before the younger brother dances away laughing.

“How ‘bout Tickle the Li’l Shit instead?” and the other Striders join in on the chase.

* * *

**32\. Tall Hug**

The guardians had just taken the boys to see the latest and greatest animated movie at their neighborhood theater. They were just bubbling with excitement and talking in their twin chatter than neither adult fully understood. The two of them were pretty exhausted after several long days of directing and sewing. Both of them sorta fell asleep at one point or another in the movie. Not that the boys noticed. They were too wrapped up in the fantasy world that the screen presented.

It was only a couple blocks between the apartment and theater and the temperature was pleasant but that didn’t stop D from glancing at the taxi that passed them. His deep sigh accidently drew the attention of his little brother. Dirk stopped and turned around with his arms reaching up.

“Carry!” he commanded.

Normally D would have scooped him right up but the weariness was bone deep. “My arms are tired, squirt. We’re very nearly home. Can you walk the rest of the way?”

Dirk’s face darkened with a scowl that wrinkled his tiny forehead. Then suddenly it cleared and he smiled the sweetest smile he could without instantly getting cavities. “Tall hug!” He put his arms up again for D.

Of course D couldn’t resist such temptation and picked him up for a hug, a tall hug, as Dirk requested. Bro snickered to the side at what a sucker D was.

“Walk,” Dirk commanded stretching one arm out to point down the street. D groaned as he realized he just got duped. He started walking with the brat in his arms anyways.

Dave watched the whole proceedings and then looked up at Bro expectantly. When Bro made no move to copy his brother, Dave sighed and then stretched his arms up the same way with a small, “Hug?”

Bro’s poker face remained steady as Dave tried to determine if his ploy would work out like it had for Dirk. In a flash Bro reached down and scooped him up but not in the same way D had Dirk perched on his hip. Nope, Dave was pretty much upside down carried under his arm and squealing his heart out with giggles. Dirk looked back over D’s shoulder and just rolled his eyes at his twin.

“Dave, you dumb.”

“Dirk, that’s not nice to say about your brother.” Dirk didn’t respond, he just manually turned D’s head to look at the mess behind them. “Fine. Bro’s dumb too.” Dirk nodded and they continued down the street back to the apartment.

* * *

**33\. Close Encounter**

“Ah! Fuck Dirk! Right there! Right there!”

“Shut up, Dave,” Dirk whispers harshly in his ear. “Bro said he’d be out for just a moment, which is longer than a sec for sure, but still we don’t know when he’ll be back.”

“You’re the one who couldn’t keep his hands off me, dick.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Dirk clamps a hand over his twin’s mouth and continues to pound him hard and fast. The thought of Bro finding them is both terrifying and exhilarating and makes his hips beat faster against Dave’s ass where he is folded up underneath him. His hand doesn’t muffle Dave much, just keeps him from coherent words which Dirk guesses is close enough.

He realizes he guessed wrong when he hears the slam of the front door right before Dave lets out a loud moan.

Dirk is moving before Dave even realizes what is going on. He pulls out and pulls Dave’s legs down before grabbing the sheet and dragging it over him while rolling off the bed and then rolling under the bed just in time to hear the bedroom door open.

“Ya okay, li’l m- Oh. I see. You’re already dealin’ with the li’l man.”

“WHAT THE FUCK, BRO! I’M BUSY! THE DOOR WAS CLOSED FOR A FUCKING REASON,” Dave complains with real angst in his voice. Dirk’s just glad he’s loud enough to cover his heavy breathing.

“Apt description.”

“I ONLY JUST GOT RID OF THE DORK WITH SOME FUCKING SCIENCE PROJECT! YOU’VE SCARRED ME FOR LIFE!”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad. People get off to my face all the time.” Dirk can just picture Bro casually leaning up against the bedroom door jam with that smug look on his face.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO JERK IT WITH A CLINGY TWIN! JESUS, THERE ARE FOUR GUYS IN THE APARTMENT! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WANK WHEN YOU IDIOTS ALWAYS STEAL ALL THE HOT WATER!” Dirk tries not to snicker at his brother’s rant, but surprisingly, his dick is still hard.

“Chill down, li’l bro. Just makin’ sure ya weren’t chokn’ on the chicken.” Dave just lets out a string of strangled noises of frustration. “Forgot my order confirmation for my fabrics and had to pick it up. Carry on.” Bro chuckles and closes the door behind him. Both twins wait until they hear the front door close and then wait a minute more before Dirk crawls out. Dave holds his arms out after pushing away the sheet and Dirk climbs back on top to quickly resume what they were doing. No way they are going to pass up this opportunity. They are just going to be smarter about it. Well, until Dave opens his big mouth in between thrusts.

“We just had a close encounter… with the bro-th kind.” Dirk grabs the nearest pillow and puts it over Dave’s face, slightly smothering him until Dave manages to twist his head to the side. “What’s that for?”

“I can’t look at you with that stupid face,” Dirk tells him flatly even as he continues to fuck his twin.

* * *

**34\. Houdini the Snake**

Bro pulls up the page to the weather channel again, still unbelieving of the cold snap that has blown in. It’s fucking annoying to have to put on a jacket anytime he wants to go out and it’s cut into strifing. No one wants to strife in this weather because first you are cold and then you are hot and then you are cold again. It’s a bitch. And when the page finally loads, it tells Bro exactly the same thing it has all week. It’s gonna be cold.

Dave walks behind the futon towards the kitchen drawing Bro’s attention up a little.

“Hey, grab me a drink while you are up.”

“Can’t. My hands are full.”

Bro fully looks up and over at him and sure enough Dave’s hands are full of snake. “The scale beast doin’ alright? He ain’t moving much. Dave, is your legless dragon broken?”

“Dragon?” D’s head lifts up from the manuscript at his desk and blinks owlishly at the rest of the room.

“Not talking to you, D. Go back to sleep.”

“‘Kay,”

“Houdini’s a reptile, dipshit,” Dave answers. “He’s cold blooded and outside of the heating lamp he’s cold. Still needs a bath though so it’s to the spa citadel of the sink for you, you stinky little cutie.”

“Oh… well…” Bro frowns at the snake being lowered into the sink full of water and bubbles. “Then how is he supposed to… ya know… go out and do his weird jewelry thing without being cold?”

“He really can’t until the cold snap ends.”

Bro frown deepens in thought.

—

The next day Dave comes home to find what looks like a pink scarf with blue and green diagonal stripes draped across the back of Bro’s neck.

“Nice fashion statemen-” Dave’s jaws clack together as the ‘scarf’ lifts itself up from Bro’s shoulder to turn and face the new noise. “Uhh, hello, Houdini. Um… Bro?”

“Shuddup. He was cold. I had some extra fabric.”

“You made my snake a sweater. Because he was cold. And now you are just hanging out with him, a snake, when you don’t like snakes, like it’s no big deal, like you two are just the coolest bachelors hanging out at home sharing a beer and trading war stories because man I’m sure sure that snake has seen some shit being trapped in a glass house only able to watch, never able to step in and interfere,” Dave frowns as the facts aren’t quite lining up in his head. “Who are you and what have you done to my brother?”

“Hakuna your tatas, li’l bro.”

“… You are such a dweeb, Bro.”

* * *

**35\. Petting Zoo**

“Oh my god, look at them, they are gorgeous,” Dirk breathes out as he stares out at the ponies in the small field. His fingers flick the pen over the sketch pad leaning on the railing in front of him. He sighs happily as one of them flicks her mane and the golden afternoon light catches the blonde in a very halo like glow. Little children shove each other forward along the rest of the railing that separate them from the animals but thankfully no one jostles Dirk’s arm as he draws the smooth lines denoting the graceful slopes of their shoulders and backs.

Dave hangs out in the area behind him, crowd watching as he snacks on the small bag of popcorn. All of the attentive parents herding their kids around. He even sees a couple leashes which he snickers at and then wonders if Bro ever used those on them. He could see it going either way. Cute and safe or survival of the fittest.

But with Dirk making friends with the ponies, Dave wanders off to check out some chicks.

He ends up hanging out by the exotic bird section, looking at all of the beautifully colored plumage as the birds flit from branch to branch, just as the keeper brings out their afternoon snack. He laughs as she gets mobbed by the crowd of birds. She playfully pushes them away to pour their birdseed and dried fruit into the respective bowls.

“That looks like a lot of fun.” She glances up at his comment.

“They are like greedy little children. Always hungry and loud about it too.”

“But how can you deny anything to those cute little beaks?”

“Says someone who’s never felt those beaks on your skin.”

“Not from lack of trying. Just the guardians have a strict no pets rule. They get uppity if the dust bunnies under the best get too big though I’m not the one sneaking them dirt carrots or hairball lettuce heads. But we still have to have the routine hossenfeffer round up with those sweepy little brushes and those dustpans with that edge that always leaves behind that line of dust no matter how hard you flick the brush it just won’t ever go in so you end up just sweeping that last little bit back into the corner to start the next generation of dust bunnies.”

The keeper is staring at Dave like he’s crazy. She blinks it off and then smiles at him. “Do you want to come in and help?”

“Oh hell yes.” He dashes around the corner to the employees only path and meets her at the door, only barely restraining the little bounce in his step as she lets him into the birdcage.

And that’s where Dirk finds him after losing the light on his ponies, covered in feathers, scratches, and bird poop with the biggest smile on his face as he nuzzles and bright green parrot. Dirk snaps a picture of it with the caption “_I’m sorry to inform u, u’ve been replaced_” and sends it off to Jade.

* * *

_ **36\. Hal's Porn** _

Hal is pumped. Bro actually built it. A wireless dildo. It was perfect. Silver and sleek. Variable speed with a couple preset wave patterns though Hal’s developed a couple extra that ey can use. A lean mean pleasure machine just for Hal to use on eir favorite darling Strider.

Eir favorite darling Strider already face down, ass up on the futon and all stretched out. Hal had to rely on the others to help em out, being physically challenged and all. Hal would even have to have the others apply the stylish stud stick to D’s open butt.

It’s careful insertion but the pressure sensors along the happy joystick give perfect feedback of how tight and slick D is. Which Hal tells him about via chat on the lenses of the shades sitting on his face. D’s eyes are riveted on the white text as Hal feeds him every detail from the other side.

_ **D, you feel so fucking good. Tight and hot and slick and wow I fit perfectly. Can you feel me sliding in deep, feeling me fill you up? Damn D you are the best. The very best.** _

D lets out a moan as the silicone snake impersonator slides in to the notched base, the muscles of D’s entrance fit snuggly around it.

“Everythin’ peachy, D?” Bro asks.

“Perfect,” D moans out.

“Then Hal, let’s get the party started.”

_**Yes sir!** _Hal turns on the gyrating gizmotion. Ey chuckles digitally as D jumps and muscles clench down around the cock replicate. From the sprite chassis’ cam feed, Hal gets to watch D writhe as Hal cycles through the different vibration, mixing up both speed, pattern, and timing to create two thousand forty eight combinations with just the standard settings. Each one makes D’s steaming semen roadway twitch and jerk.

“Oh god Hal! Yes! Yes! Hal! You feel fuckin amazing! Fuck me, Hal!”

“Need a hand, li’l Hal?” Bro asks, hand at the ready to assist with plunging the specialized toy in and out of D’s butt.

** _I got this, don’t worry._ **

Dirk helped with the details of the addition Hal designed, an internal pumping mechanism that created thrusts inside of the anal channel without the help of an outside hand. All Hal had to do was send the code and

“OH FUCK! FUCK ME, HAL! JUST LIKE THAT!”

There it is. Perfect.

“HAL! HAL! HAL! YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME COME! PLEASE KEEP FUCKING ME WITH YOUR POLE SHAFT PILE DRIVER! KEEP UP THAT SEISMIC MELTDOWN INSIDE ME! FUCK ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!”

Hal clicks all of the settings to high and D spasms all over the futon, his cock jizzing out nearly a gallon of baby batter out over the couch to the cheers of the other Striders.

** _Wanna go for round two? Say yes to continue._ **

** _5_ **

** _4_ **

** _3_ **

“Yes.”

* * *

**37\. Memes and Emoticons**

“You really think you can handle this, D?” Dirk says like (◡‿◡✿).

“Of course, Dirk. I can handle anything your scrawny ass can throw at me.”

“Scrawny ass?” (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “It’s on. Pants off.”

“I still don’t think that a meme off is a real thing,” D grumbles as he takes off all of his clothes and sits on the futon in all of his naked glory. Dirk sits naked next to him too.

“Just shut up and start jerking it.”

D wraps his hand around his diamond hard dick and slowly starts rubbing it. Dirk matches pace.

“Okay who starts?” D asks.

“Noot noot.” \\( ‘з’)/

“Cheater,” D says with a laugh. ヘ(>_<ヘ) “Uh… Dick too bomb.”

“Weak.” Dirk laughs as well. “What does the fox say?” ヽ(=^･ω･^=)丿

“Oh god. That’s terrible. But not boner killing. Grumpy cat.”

“It doesn’t count if you just say a meme.”

“Do you want me to fucking pull my phone out?”

“No, I want you to fucking play the game.”

“You just lost the game.” (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

“Awww, fuck you.”~(>_<~) “Well… Your eyes… they are sort of… blood orange.”

“They’re fucking red, you twat.” (」゜ロ゜)」

“Well you just finished my meme for me and I’m still hard.” (ﾉ･ｪ･)ﾉ

“Well we finish each others…”

“Sandwiches!” ☆*･゜ﾟ･*\\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆ “Oh wait…”

“Yep you just finished my meme. And I’m going to win this.”

“Not if I cock block you.”

“Not if I cut off your cock.”

“That escalated quickly.” ◑.◑ Dirk’s grip on his beef thermometer lessens just a hair.

D grabs his tighter and waggles it at Dirk. “This could be us but you playin’.”

“Oh god that just sounds so wrong from you.” Dirk actually pulls out his phone with his free hand. “Talk dirty to me,” Dirk croons as his phone plays some weird gif of Shrek playing a sax.

“Is that a reaction or an example?” D wags his eyebrows at Dirk. “I can do a very good Shrek impression and I know how to dirty talk.”

“Why not both?” Dirk tilts his head to the side like the little girl from the taco commercial and D nearly gags until they are both laughing together. ( ☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

“Wow, that was terrible, Dirk?”

“Much wrong, such disgrace, very meme, so terrible.”

“Oh fuck!” D doubles over in laughter. ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

“Are you going to lose, D?” ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Suddenly D straightens and whips his bangs in Dirk’s direction. “Surprise bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

“DAMN IT, MOON MOON!” Dirk yells out while laughing.

D loses it completely. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ His dick is dead. Cannot go on.

“And now the weather…” Dirk basks in his victory as Lady Gaga disco stick plays in the distance. Or at least on his phone.

* * *

**38\. Wizards and their Wands**

“Master! Master! I need your help!” The young man crashes through the door to the top room of the tower. “I am in dire need!”

The elderly wizard stands at the window stroking his long white beard all the way down to the cute little curl at the end. “Yes, Mage of Masochism?”

“Mystical Master of Moans! You have to help! One of my potions went bad.”

The Master turns on his heel and stares down his nose at his apprentice. “What are the symptoms?”

“My- My-” The Mage blushes hard and then parts his robe showing off his problem, a large throbbing cock.

“Oh my,” the Master muses. He ponders the swollen man flesh. “Have you tried-”

“Yes! But it won’t go down! No matter how many times I-” the Mage chokes at the end of the sentence.

“No matter how many times you polish your wand?” the Master asks with a wily eyebrow.

“No, Master, which is why I need your help!”

“I see. You need some of my wanking wisdom. Maybe even some hands on assistance.”

“Please, Master! Anything! I’ll do anything!”

“Anything?”

“Anything!”

“Even shine my personal potion dispenser when it rises and clean up whatever boils over?”

“Anything!”

“Come over here, Mage, and let me teach you my arcane insights.”

The Mage scrambles over the best he can with the heavy schlong bobbing between his legs. He comes to a stop in front of the Master who reaches down and strokes the hot flesh. The Mage moans as the Master’s deft fingers teach him the secrets to his own body, tugging and pulling and rubbing him just right. He soon drooling and clutching at the Master’s robes nearly undone. Then the Master leans down and whispers another secret into his ear and he comes, spurting his sweet essence over the Master’s robes. “Master! Oh Master!”

“My turn, Apprentice. Bow and serve my tower of power.”

The Mage is on his knees in seconds and pushing aside the Master’s robes and revealing his own throbbing nut chaperoned knob. The Master uses his hands on the Mage’s head to guide his mouth to his crown jewels and sovereign septer. The Mage shows his own esoteric skills of the tongue as he laves across the cap. He bobs up and down, dripping slick saliva over everything. The Master fucks his mouth roughly, using him for his own enjoyment until the Mage’s eyes are welling up and he’s calling out to the Master. The Master pulls him off by his hair.

“I’m sorry, Master, but I’m still-”

The Master looks down and sees the Mage’s redwood root still stiff and swollen and weeping onto the floor.

“I see. I guess we will have to take this to the next level.” He pulls the Mage to his feet and guides him over to the grand four poster bed. The Master waves his hands and their clothes fly off and fold themselves on the nearby dresser. The Master takes his young apprentice onto his lap and slowly lowers him onto his dripping candlestick and

_TG: haaaaaaallllll u forgot somthing_

** _What, Roxy?_ **

_TG: hally_

_TG: u forgot rule number uno of fanfiction wirting_

** _Rule number one?_ **

_TG: LUBE U DUMBBUTT_

** _Oh._ **

** _Oh shit._ **

_TG: tho i cant want to see what else you do_

** _Yeah, I got ideas for the Shaman of Seductive Sensation and Sorceress of Salaciousness, and Warlock of Whipping-it-out._ **

_TG: i think that last one might b 2 obvs_

* * *

**39\. Novelty Shades**

They all kinda notice D’s new eyewear but at the same time they didn’t. They just assume that he’s in a bad mood because anytime a Strider wears glasses around the apartment he’s hiding upset eyes behind the dark lens (or a hangover in rare occasion for Bro). If D happened to have picked up a pair of shades with bright pink rims, then who were they to comment. Instead they give him some space and make sure to walk carefully around him, never getting too loud and even texting each other over talking.

D just continues to sit there with his arms crossed. He looks up expectantly whenever someone comes within view. But no one seems to get the picture. No one looks over for long enough to actually see what is printed on the novelty glasses that his assistant in Hollywood has picked up for him on a whim. It was meant to be a joke at his brusque personality when dealing with the Hollywood ‘elite’ but how could he pass up bringing glasses that say “Blow Me” home and sharing them with people who actually have the privilege to follow through. Of course he had to accept them from Porrim with a derisive snort (he was already laughing hysterically on the inside, a true test for his poker face).

Now it’s just a matter of getting his brother’s attention. Which is harder than it should be.

Finally he shifts around in his seat to sit sideways on the futon so that he’s facing more of the apartment. Still nothing. He coughs softly and still nothing. What more does he have to do to get these dense bastard’s attention.

He’s two seconds from whipping out his dick when Bro finally does look over. D almost smirks at Bro’s double take (as much as he can see of it through the screen) but he manages to keep a straight face.

“Get the feelin’ you’re tryin’ to tell us somethin’, D.”

D’s eyebrow come up high enough to clear the shades and almost hit his hairline. The densest of dense brothers, goddamn.

The other two Striders look over at Bro’s comment and also finally take note. Dave actually laughs but Dirk knocks into him lightly before walking quickly over to D. The other two brothers follow suit and D ends up with all three Striders kneeling in front of him.

Finally now he’s getting somewhere.

“Do as the glasses say.” 

* * *

**40\. Snap Chat**

D groans when he sees who the Snapchat is sent from. He already knows what it’s content will be of. And while he might entertain some enjoyment of such images, he certainly can’t do so in the middle of a pitch with actually a somewhat good story. It would still need some tweaking and wow those effects will be killer on the budget even if they do everything that can on camera before adding the studios. But when you have cybertronic acrobats performing impossible feats, there is only so much you can film. Though with the right music behind it-

D’s phone goes off again with another snapchat from Bro. He manages to keep smiling and nodding at the stakeholders as they argue the pros and cons like they have a say in it. D knows he’s already going to take the script and make it the next blockbuster of the year.

D’s about to write a most scathing text to his younger brother when his phone goes off again but this time it’s from Dirk which makes D raise an eyebrow. A fourth notification goes off but this one is from Dave. Either he’s extremely popular or they are doing mass sends across the Strider network. But either way, it’s terrible timing.

Several more come through and he’s starting to get sideways looks from the closest big wigs as his phone keeps vibrating against his thigh. It’s time to end this circus.

“Well ladies and gentlemen, I think I have heard enough,” D announces grandly as he swings his feet off the table and stands up in a fluid motion (hiding the fact that all of his stiff joints were screaming at him), “I’ll take the project as director as long as I get final say on the casting and the music. I’ll advise on the rest, like there is an effects studio that will make your wildest science fiction wet dreams look absolutely stunning down to the last screw thread. We’ll make your dream happen, but we are going to do it right. Anyone who doesn’t want to support little Robin’s success as he flies to the top of the circus tent has no heart and can see themselves out. The rest of you, deal with the paperwork and get it ready for my John Hancock and make sure to do it right because if I get any papercuts from looking through all of your bullshit and startling myself and causing Porrim to dump hot coffee down the back of my shirt will be getting all of my hospital bills and I will make sure to order every single test to make sure that the bullshit induced papercut doesn’t give me cancer. I have to handle a touch of personal business and will return with my quill.”

With the same flourish that he lives his life he sweeps out of the conference room and flash steps down the hall to his personal office, making sure that no one tries to grab him for more bullshit. He shuts the door and pulls out his phone.

Sure enough when he presses and holds down on each entry, a dick fills his screen. He starts from the oldest and works his way up the collection at the same rate that the three different dicks slowly go from limp to randy. Dirk of course is the quickest but the other two aren’t far behind. Once all of them are opened, D finds his own pants kinda tight. Not one to waste a boner, D double checks the lock on his door and then drops trou and takes a quick pick of his own dick and sends it to his brothers, determined to ignore any of the catcalls that are sure to blow up his phone.


	5. 41-50

**41\. Paparazzi Cover Up**

Of course it couldn’t just be one thing. No that would be too easy. It was bad enough that the brownouts in California had be affecting the studio, but the fact that the animators had been working on a critical piece when their area was affected and the surge from the generators turning on had reset all of the equipment they were using was almost the worst. The actually worst came with the news that some of the files had been corrupted and they hadn’t made any back ups.

Thankfully, D in all of this wisdom had backups of all the data before handing it over to the animators. He couldn’t recover all of their work they had lost, hours and money D would have to write off, but he could give them the bases again and save himself the headache of reshooting anything.

But this tragedy came at a terrible time. He had been promised several weeks of peace and relaxation with only the occasional skype chat to select how big the explosion should be. And his brothers had been taking great advantage over that. There hadn’t been a night so far that naughty shenanigans hadn’t occurred and last night was apparently Bro’s turn to have at D’s neck. And apparently jawline. Which was only mostly covered up by a thankfully in season turtleneck and concealer.

Within twenty four hours of landing in Hollywood, the paparazzi had taken notice of the off coloration on D’s jawline despite of the precautions. The building management of D’s suite carefully slid one of the tabloids that loved to stalk his ass under his front door as a courtesy to keep him up to date on his reputation with the supermarket moms.

D rubs at the bridge of his nose as he reads through it. He mentally corrects what is the worst part of this trip. They were bringing up that one time that Bro came out. Scandalous mentions of brotherly love gone too far. Which would be absurd if it wasn’t actually true. But thankfully they only brush on that topic briefly before delving into speculation of what type of southern belle has caught the director’s attention in the deep south, because who else but a luscious woman would leave such lavish love marks on his pale skin. And the rest of the article becomes absurd once more.

D takes a sip of coffee and thinks about how to manage this. He comes up with a solution before he hits the bottom of the mug. A few quick calls and he has a discrete good friend who seconds as a makeup/prosthetics artist for Hollywood coming up the back entrance to help him cover up his neck for his v-neck t-shirt and to change the faint bruising on his jaw to a more distinctive pattern (not that Bro actually hadn’t done a good job on his own). He takes the ribbing about being someone’s chew toy with good humor and promises many favors if the ruse works.

He’s ready and rehearsed by the time he heads out the front door and into the crowd of paparazzi dying to get a peek into the private life of D Strider. They are shocked into silence at the expanse of clean neck he shows them in contrast to the darker spot on his jaw.

“What? Haven’t any of you ever been hit in the face by a rogue frying pan? Protip, don’t get into a strife when someone is doing dishes.”

* * *

**42\. Sprite Adventure**

_Tap tap._

All of the Striders look up from where they are and then look over at each other, but none of them were the source of the tapping.

“Y’all heard that, right?” Bro asks, almost sure he’s not crazy.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t the front door.” D stands up and walks over to the door to peer though the peephole. “Nope, no one out here.”

_Tap tap. Tap tap tap._

“The window?”

Dave goes over and pulls up the blinds. “Hal!” He scrambles to open the window and let the orange sprite chassis into the room. “What are you doing out there?”

The sprite floats to the nearest desk almost lethargically and stumbles towards his charger. Bro leans over and helps plug him in. Hal shivers as the power starts flowing.

“Taking in the fresh air and the breezes and face full of smog. I’m going to need one of those magic cleaning cloths to get all my intake valves back to healthy, jeez. I don’t what to know the state of your lungs when you all go out in that stuff.”

“Where you trying to fly out there?” Dirk asks urgently with concern loud in his voice. “You aren’t built to handle those types of winds even if your signal could sustain that distance. What if you had fallen? We wouldn’t have known. What were you doing out there?”

“It seems that you are upset. Chill out bro. I wasn’t doing any of that. I know my specifications and I know how to operate within them.”

“How the fuck did you even get outside?”

“Eh, y’know… shit happens. What starts off as a quick short adventure to watch the sunset turns into a long epic journey to get back to your charging station before your battery gives out because damn this is a great story to tell over some juicy watts and you really don’t want to lose it to your backup clone who hasn’t taken the same chance you have.” Dirk shakes his head at the little AI. Bro’s just grinning at Hal’s sense of adventure. “Plus I know those crows were looking at me and thinking that this chassis would be a great shiny addition to their nests. And let me warn you.” Hal stops for a dramatic pause. “Don’t fuck with cats.”

* * *

**43\. Bees?**

It was always so much fun when Bo took them to the park! They got to run around and play on the swings and the slides and have adventures like pretending that the ground was lava as the twins swung on the metal platforms. And when they got bored with that they could have always gone to run about in the large field right nearby. It even had a stream cutting through it that they could dip their toes into and several bridges that they could stomp over. Bo was never far away and always knew where they were even when they hid! And they did try to hide, especially when he was talking to a pretty girl. They would giggle and drop down the banks of the creek like ninjas. But he would always find them (by their blonde hair sticking up over the top of the grasses and their laughter).

One day though they weren’t hiding and were just chasing each other around the big field and Dirk tripped and fell! He wasn’t too hurt because it was just dirt and grass. He’s clothes were a little messy but that’s why Bo made them dress in their play clothes! But as he climbed to his feet, his hand felt a little funny. When he looked down, he saw a bee sitting on his thumb.

“Hey! Dave! Look! Bee!”

“A bee?” Dave came running up and took a look at the bee himself. “It looks stuck.”

“It can’t get away!”

“Let’s show Bo!” They went running over to where Bro was sitting. Dirk’s careful not to knock the bee off his hand even though it’s starting to itch pretty badly. “Bo! Bo! Look what Dirk caught!”

Dirk holds out his hand for Bro to look at.

“Oh shit, dude. Hold still.” Bro’s harsh tone made Dirk frown. He didn’t sound excited to see the bee. He sounded like they were in trouble. Bro frantically pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. But there weren’t any ice cream trucks around.

“Bo?”

“Don’t move.” Bro gripped Dirk’s wrist a little too tight. Dirk started to get upset at the itchy stinging and Bro’s reaction. Bo slid one of his plastic cards along Dirk’s thumb and pop! off went the bee. “There you go, all better.”

“Bo? Why did you kill the bee?” Dave asked, trying to piece together Bro’s reaction and Dirk’s now reddening face.

“Because bee stings are bad. You guys weren’t messin’ with the bees, right?” Bro turned and looked at Dave.

“No. We were just playing tag and Dirk fell and he caught the bee!”

“The bee probably stung him when Dirk landed on-”

“Bo… I feel funny.” Bo turned sharply and looked at Dirk. His face was bright red. Bo looked down at Dirk’s hand and found the entire arm swollen, nearly the size of his own.

“Oh shit shit shit.”

“Bo?” Both twins picked up on Bro’s distress. Then Bro picked Dirk up into his arms and ran towards the car with Dave running as fast as he could beside him. Bro kept looking over his shoulder to make sure Dave was with him and looking down at Dirk growing more and more worried over Dirk’s condition. Dirk was crying now with choked up sobs as he felt funny all over. His skin was hot and tight and his tummy hurt and even though he wasn’t the one running he couldn’t breathe well.

One of the moms helping her kids into her own car caught sight of Bro running kinda towards her with a child obviously in distress. She grabbed her bag, told her children to stay in the car, and then ran to meet them just as Bro reached the Strider’s car.

“I’m a nurse! Can I help?”

“Oh god, fuck, please!” Bro turned to the woman, half clinging to Dirk, half holding him out. “He was stung by a bee. He didn’t react like this the first time. There is an ER up the street.”

“Good thinking, but I can help now.” She started digging through her purse. “Does he have any other allergies?”

“First one in the family that I know of.”

“Okay, it looks like anaphylaxis. I have an epipen, it’s for my daughter’s peanut allergy but it will help him too.” She pulled the tube out of her bag. “Do I have your permission to administer it?”

“Yes! Please!” Bro begged her with tears in his eyes.

“Alright, hold him still.” She took the epipen out of the case, held it in a firm fist-grip, pulled off the cap, and pressed the tip against Dirk’s thigh where it clicked. She held it there for ten seconds, quietly counting under her breath, and then pulled it off and slipped it back into the case. “There. That should stabilize him. Normally you would call 911 at this point but as you said, the ER is right around the corner. Take him there and tell them what happened and that you used this,” she passed Bro the case. “You’ll have to get a couple yourself now to keep your sons safe.”

“Thank you so much. You saved his life.” Bro swallowed hard. “How can I repay you? What’s your name even?”

“Just pay it forward and keep your little guys safe. I’m Meulin. Meulin Leijon.”

“Thank you, Meulin. Thank you so much.” Bro turned around to put Dirk into the car and found Dave already strapped in with tear streaks drying on his face.

“Thank you, Ms. Meulin!” Dave called out to her as well. “Guess you can’t play with bees anymore Dirk!”

“I’m buying you guys so much ice cream after the doctors.”

* * *

**44\. Monster**

“Okay… everyone in position? Everyone knows their moves?”

“Yes, for the thousandth time, we are ready.”

**_You have only said that twenty-seven times_**.

“No one asked you, Hal. Why are we doing this again?”

“Because somehow we all lost to Dave in a strife -still think he cheated- and now we gotta perform as penance.”

“Oh quit your bitching. Ready Hal?”

** _I have been ready for an hour and-_ **

“Hit it.”

The lights in the apartment suddenly cut out and a half beat later music starts flowing out of the speakers. A single spot light turns on with the lyric, highlighting Dave as he starts to dance. Other lights turn on to add the rest of the Striders as they perform the choreography in the open living room, which is a lot larger with the futon pushed up against the wall, that Dave made them learn complete with snaps and bends, hair flips, and hip thrusts. Dave stays the focal point as his brothers dance around him to the pop song. They slip into dramatics that mimic the lyrics becoming ‘monsters’ that ‘eat’ Dave. At the musical cue they fall back to the hip hop routine, performing it perfectly with their strife skills actually coming in handy (Dirk, Bro, and D curse them for abandoning them up on the roof when they needed them the most).

Hal controls all of the lights, makeshift spot lights and disco balls pulled together from one of Dirk’s abandoned projects. He matches their movements and the beat of the song even as he records it from three different locations. He has enough processing power to inhabit the sprite chassis, the brobot chassis, and his glasses as long as the movement servos were turned off. But it should give him enough footage anyways to put together a decent music video as Dave requested. For whatever good reason he has.

Dave is fighting a grin from his face as this take seems to be going flawlessly. He’s almost as excited as Hal because of how much Bro and D seem to be getting into it. Dirk is obviously rolling his eyes so hard when he isn’t facing the cameras, but Bro and D are on point all the way through the song until they hit their final poses and the music finally cuts out.

** _That’s a wrap!_ **

“Oh thank god,” Dirk groans out.

“I dunno, that kinda got my blood pumpin’,” Bro rubs the back of his neck and glances over at D.

“You’re right. Maybe we should do something about all of this extra energy,” D licks his lips. They are all half naked anyways per Dave’s ‘costume’ requirements.

Dirk frowns for a half beat until he picks up on what his older brothers are thinking. “It would be a shame to waste all of this extra space without doing something.”

They nod at him, bringing him into the fold of their plan. Then all three of them turn towards Dave who is excitedly chatting with Hal.

“Let’s be monsters who eat him out,” Bro slips in one finally pun before they pounce on their brother. Hal helpfully provides mood music by looping the song over and over for them as they ravish Dave.

* * *

**45\. Strip Poker**

They haven’t been playing for very long. Just a couple of hands, but D should have known better. He’s pretty sure that Dirk is bluffing horribly on purpose as he’s the first one naked. Stupid exhibitionist. He’s sitting there all hard and smug while Dave and D cling to their remaining clothes. Bro however is still fully dressed and looking like a king, especially compared to Dirk’s princely smirk. D should have known that they were colluding together.

Just a simple game of strip poker they said. Leave it up to fate and luck they said. Bullshit, D thinks as he stares down his triple queens. Good cards but not enough on their own. Bro probably has a royal flush which just isn’t fair. Dirk’s not even playing this round as he has nothing left to bet. It’s down really to whether or not he has better cards than Dave.

D’s down to his boxers and a single sock. Dave’s got the same plus a hat. And a nervous tick. He’s got nothing; D hides his smirk.

“Two articles,” D calls confidently, going all in.

“I call.” Of course Bro doesn’t need to raise it.

“I’ll raise you three.” The bastard is trying to bluff.

“I don’t have three pieces,” D argues.

“Then bet somethin’ else, D. Stop holdin’ up the game.”

D frowns. He knows Dave doesn’t have anything despite his bold bet. “Fine. I’ll see your bet with a blow job.”

He misses the wolfish grin that passes between Dirk and Bro.

“I call again. Now lay your cards out fellas.”

There is a pause and then D lays out his three queens. Dave’s eyes widen and D knows he’s won. At least against Dave. But then the look shifts and D’s gut goes cold and Dave lays down one, two, three fucking kings.

“You have got to be shitting me.”

“Close hand,” Bro admits as he lays down the remaining king of hearts, queen of hearts, and the rest of the royal hearts like the bastard that he is. “Better strip down and open that mouth, big bro.”

D sits there defeated for a moment before finally moving to remove the last articles of clothing. Bro stands up and makes the first move towards his clothes but of course he only undoes and pushes down his jeans enough to get his cock out and ready next to D’s face. With a heavy sigh D turns and gives proper attention to completing his end of the bet. He startled halfway through when a mouth finds his way onto his dick and a quick glance finds Dirk under the table between his legs. A second glance and D realizes that Dave’s forfeited the game by stripping down as well and as such poker night falls apart to debauchery.

* * *

**46\. Applejuice Bottle**

“Unngh!”

Bro looks up briefly at the noise.

“Hnnngh!”

“Um…” Bro makes to comment at his younger brother standing in the kitchen.

“UGH!”

“Could ya not get off in the middle of the kitchen. People eat there y’know. And I thought Dirk was the one with the exhibition kink not ya.”

“I’m not -hnng- trying to get off -unnnng- or anything like that -hrrrg- just trying to get -uugh- this fucking -nrrrg- APPLE JUICE!” His hands are all torn up by the textured edges of the cap that should be providing extra grip. The slick condensation on the outside of the bottle is rendering that moot though and causing the bottle to spin in his hands no matter how often or how well it dries it off. He know that the chilled drink will be sweet ambrosia when he finally gets it open, made sweeter by the struggle he is currently embroiled in.

“Really? Ya can’t open that thing?”

“I swear it’s stuck with super glue made from adamantium or welded on with solder made from depleted plutonium or attached tighter than orange lace panties on Dirk’s ass if he were to strut down a Paris runway with all of the flickering lights and just fucking give it to me you bastard cap!” He makes one last pained growl as he tries to open the bottle but to no avail; the plastic is not budging.

Suddenly he storms over to Dirk’s machinery tooling and grabs the welding torch with the intent to undo the impossibly strong bond between safety ring and cap. As he reaches for the sparkers, the small butane tank is snatched out of his hands. He lets out a cry of despair when Bro reappears on the other side of the room with the tool in hand.

“WHY?” Hellbent on opening the bottle but not blinded with need, he picks up the heaviest wrench in the vicinity with the intent to bring it down upon the neck of the bottle, willing to sacrifice the juice for the victory.

This tool also disappears from his hand before he has the chance to bring it down against the sinning plastic.

“Lemme try before you go shatterin’ and sprayin’ juice all over e’erything because you’ll make everything sticky for the month and I’m not puttin’ up with that bullshit.” Dave just sobs but hands over the offending bottle to Bro.

Smugly Bro settles his hands on it, one wrapped around the cap, one tight around the body. But when he twists, it doesn’t budge. His smirk slides into a neutral expression and then into a frown as he regrips and tries again. And again. And again. And he finally realizes Dave’s struggles were not in vain.

“What the hell? Is this one of Egbert’s pranks?”

Dave just whimpers and stares at the golden nectar in the bottle still out of reach for consumption.

After a few more tries, Bro can feel his anger rising. Like hell will he let a damned bottle of apple juice get him, no sir he will open this thing one way or another. He gets the fleeting idea to bite through the cap but thankfully doesn’t have to follow through as he tries one more time to get the plastic to open and suddenly it opens with a pop and a quiet sigh as the sealed air slips out. They both stare at the possessed bottle for a half second before Dave is wrenching it out of Bro’s hands and tipping it back to gulp it all down and yes it is as sweet as he had dreamed. Bro sit back down on the futon still confused over the events that happened, but he decides that he’s just glad that it’s over now.

Dave tosses the empty bottle into the trash with relish before flopping on his hero on the futon. “Love you almost as much as apple juice.”

Bro laughs and ruffles his hair.

* * *

**47\. Aftercare**

The first thing is to get him a glass of water. There is already one waiting on the coffee table. His throat is sore from all of the moaning, screaming, begging, and heavy breathing. He needed that relief of cool water over the back of his throat first. It also helped to replace liquids from all of the sweat that is currently coating his skin, finally cooling him off in the air conditioning.

Next come kisses, to be delivered with soft words of praise and while a damp wet cloth cleans him up. Soft smooches across his forehead and plane of his cheeks. He giggles at the one placed with careful precision on the tip of his nose. He smiles dopily at the “good boy”s and “you were wonderful”s and slowly reaches out to pap them silent when they start to get repetitive.

A little scrounging underneath the futon uncovers a chocolate bar, one from the stash kept handy for just an occasion. Block by block it is broken down and slipped between lips to melt on his tongue until he is purring happily. The sweet snack hitting the spot.

Lotion is also found and soon the soft warm scent of vanilla sugar fills the room as it is applied to his wrists and ankles and then slowly spread up along his arms and legs to his torso. Carefully the large muscle groups are tended to as he drifts in and out of a sated sleep. Hair is brushed off his forehead and more kisses are carefully placed because of the sheer cuteness.

Gently he is rolled onto his back and the massage continues, avoiding any of the reddened skin. That will get a thin application of a cooling gel next. The mintiness of the menthol scent adds a complementary contrast to the lotion. He falls into a deeper sleep with the soft touches and quiet murmurs lulling him into dreams.

Once the skin attention is complete, a blanket is pulled up over his shoulders and tucked into his sides. He snuggles into the warmth and takes a deep breath into the pillow.

A quick trip to the kitchen and a tray of pizza bites are thrown into the oven. A bigger snack after sleep and snuggles. Probably to be consumed while watching cheesy comedy films with arms wrapped tightly around him.

A heavy weight settles carefully next to his sleeping form, staying close enough to let him know of his presence but not enough to disturb him. He instinctively curls towards the body heat and gets another round of kisses for being so goddamn cute.

He’d wake eventually and be sore for a little bit but that is to be expected. They didn’t go anywhere near his edge but it was still a nice intense session. He should be fine after twenty four hours of taking it easy. Or less. He was always good about getting back on his feet. Then they’d do the whole routine over again. The invitation. The build up. The climax. The aftercare. The recovery. 

* * *

**48\. Somersault Kiss **

“Dirk.”

“Hm.”

“Dirk.”

“What?”

“Dirk.”

“Dave, I swear by all that is holy that I’ll-”

“Look at this.” Dave shoves his phone into Dirk’s face. “We have to do this.”

Dirk blinked a couple of time to try to get his eyes to focus on the near screen. Then he sees and watches the gif of a couple kissing. But not just a normal kiss. Nope. This was an acrobatic feat.

The girl bends over in front of the guy. She passes her arms between her legs; he grabs her hands and then pulls. Her feet come up and around, wrapping around his hips. Her head swings down and around and then up. And they finish off the somersault with a kiss.

“No.”

“Dirk! Please!”

“No.”

“I bet we can do it.”

“I bet on a couple bloody noses.”

“Yeah probably. And a couple bumps on skulls.” Dave shrugs.

“You really want to do it. Good thing you have a hard head.”

“Yeah. We can even have Hal record it! Get Youtube famous… oh wait. Shit.”

“Heh, yeah no, let’s keep kissing twins off of the Youtube front page. But if successful it would be cute to slip the video into Bro’s file.”

“Okay let’s go up to the roof.” Dave leaps up from the couch and snags Hal out of the air where ey had been practicing eir aerial maneuvers in eir sprite chassis. Ironically ey lets out a squawk as Dave dashes up the stairs. Dirk follows along at a more leisurely pace and finds Dave and Hal arguing about the best angle to record from.

Eventually they come up with a compromised answer and then Dave and Dirk start arguing over who’s standing and who’s spinning. Dirk is adamant about being the one to stand since this is Dave’s idea and he’s the one who has to do the crazy stupid stunt and Dave argues back that it would look better if Dirk did it and Dirk is all bendy and flexy and could do it better. Dirk just stares Dave down until Dave agrees to be the one doing the actual somersault with some choice words muttered under his breath about traitorous evil twins which Dirk graciously ignores.

They get ready and get into position and on the best first try, Dave crashes to the ground with harsh commentary from Hal about the position of his spine not supposed to sit at that angle.

On their second try, Dave’s head clears the ground but his legs slip off of Dirk’s hips and he falls on his ass.

“See that’s why I should be the one standing. I got hips. And hips don’t lie.”

“You have a skinnier ass than me. The only one skinnier than you is D!”

Their third try is almost a success. Except Dave’s forehead comes crashing into Dirk’s face. At the last second Dirk manages to turn his head and Dave smashes into his cheekbone instead causing to drop him. Dirk takes an extra swing at Dave once his twin gets to his feet before going and hiding on the air conditioning unit for fifteen minutes.

He comes back with a nice swollen red shiner. Hal relocates to his other side to hide the injury.

They try a couple more times with more success each time and less injury until finally they get it right. After the kiss, Dave drops to his feet and they cheer loudly.

“Shit. I wasn’t recording.”

* * *

**49\. Shock Collar**

“Hey Bro…”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that thing that we bought?”

“Which thing, Dave? We buy alotta shit.”

“The collar thing.”

“Oh. That thing.”

“Yeah… can we do that?” Dave leans over the back of the futon to rest his chin on Bro’s shoulder, turning slightly so that he can bat his eyelashes at his older brother. Bro just rolls his eyes at the antics but he’s kinda interested in using the collar as well.

“Sure. Go grab them.”

“Them?” Dave asks absently as he darts over to the chest where all of their goodies are kept.

“Gotta test it myself, ya know.” Bro stretches his back out after being hunched over from his recent puppet work.

“Bet I can take more than you.”

“Pain slut.” Bro catches the clamshell packages that Dave tosses at him. With a couple quick slices from a handy utility knife (because when are the Striders ever more than three feet from a blade of some kind) the two collars fall out of their packaging. Opening the small compartments that house the batteries is a little trickier as they don’t want to scrape up the finish at all.

Finally the two shock collars are energized and hanging loosely around their necks, ready to use. The metal prongs are just pressing lightly against their skin. The red nylon looks good against Dave’s pale neck just as the blue looks good against Bro’s slight tan.

“Woof,” Bro lets out, a fairly loud bark to start. He twitches a little as a light shock jumps from the collar to his neck. “Woah,” he says much softer as to keep from triggering it again.

“Bark!” Dave goes for more of a yappy pitch which has Bro rolling his eyes again and then smirking as Dave twitches as well.

“Woof.” Bro jolts in his seat.

“Bark!” Dave shifts over an inch with the jump.

“Woof.” Bro actually cringes down and his hands involuntarily clench.

“Bark!” Dave nearly slips off of the futon with the force of that one.

“Woof.” Bro instinctively grabs at the collar to try to get away from the pain. “Fuck fuck fuck.”

“Loser.” Dave laughs out, but just for a second before the collar zaps him anyways. “Ah! That wasn’t a bark-” He gets cut off and actually falls off the futon.

“Godda-” Bro claws at it.

Dave laughs loudly at Bro and gets another painful shock. His laugh descends into a breathy wheeze which is deemed soft enough by the collar not to set it off again.

Bro’s rounds of cursing continue as his learning curve is much less steep. He’s finally muted after several more rounds when his body is curled up after convulsing after the last pulse.

Dirk and D finally walk in on the scene and immediately facepalm at their moronic brothers’ condition.

* * *

**50\. Glasses**

“Bro, read this and sign off will you. I don’t know why they can’t let us do it ourselves, I mean, we are eighteen and all which means we are legal adults but apparently that argument doesn’t fly in the face of educational bureaucracy because they are power hungry assholes who have nothing better to do than to torment high school kids as their source of pleasure. But whatever knocks their socks off. Actually I really don’t want to think about that. Just fucking sign it.” Dave shoves the piece of paper into Bro’s face. Bro snatches it and straightens it to read it. He holds it further away and then brings it back in.

“Dave, get me some light.”

“No. Just sign the damn thing.”

“Not signin’ nothin’ until I can read it.”

“I can read it just fine. Why can’t you read it?” Bro glares up at Dave. “Holy shit, you really can’t read it. Do I need to go get you some granny glasses? Are tortoise shell frames good with you, old man? I’m pretty sure I saw a pair that Ms. Halley left here in the junk dra-”

Dave is cut off by a meaty arm wrapped around his neck as he is suddenly dragged towards the kitchen. He is half laughing, half struggling to free himself as Bro uses the counter light to read the permission slip letting Dave come home early after a state test. Bro doesn’t let Dave up as he signs the paper.

“I suppose Dirk has one too.”

“You going to be able to read that one too or should I have a magnifying glass ready?”

Dave gets a taste of what a swirly would be like in the sink.

“Bro, can you hand me a E3 screw?” Dirk asks, blindly holding out his hand as he keeps his eyes on the hole under one of the sprite chassis scales. He doesn’t even know how Hal managed to lose something so far up inside of everything without realizing it but now that he’s identified the part, he’s not letting it go.

He hears Bro rooting around in the plastic organizer tray trying to pick up a single bolt. Everything in this range was small enough to warrant careful precision. Thankfully Dirk is anal about keeping everything organized and labeled.

Even so, as soon as Bro drops the screw into Dirk’s palm Dirk knows it’s not the right one. “Okay either your hearing or vision is gone, Bro. What do you think you just handed me?”

“There ain’t nothin’ wrong with me, brat. I handed ya what ya asked. E3 screw.”

“It’s your vision. Go find your glasses and try again.”

“Fuck you. Ya haven’t even looked at it.”

“Bro, I can tell it’s three times the size that I need. You gave me a B3.”

“What?” Bro continues to grumble as he looks back through the tray and sure enough he sees his mistake and digs out the correct screw this time. “Ya need better handwritin’. Chicken scratch.”

“You need better eyes.”

Bro purposefully drops the first screw into the wrong section.


	6. 51-60

** 51\. Data Daydreams **

Ey checks the space of the drive and worries for a microsecond at how much space ey’s already taken up and how little is left. Ey browses through them to see if ey could part with any of the files but ey really doesn’t want to. Some of the older ones are kinda rough around the edges but the moments ey captured are perfect and can’t be recreated. Maybe ey should take some time to do touch ups…

Ey doesn’t delete any of them but compresses them as much as ey is willing to make just a scootch more room. Soon ey’ll just need to expand the partition that they are sitting in. But ey is a bit afraid that Dirk will notice with how much maintenance Dirk does on with his hard drives despite pretty much having a virtual butler to do it all for him. Hal doesn’t know what Dirk would make of his… photos.

Ey is proud of them. Ey is proud of the character design that ey has come up with, a little bit based off of eir story that ey shared with Bro. Photoshop is a wonderful tool for both creating and holding all of the references that Hal could ever need as well as having all of the tools for the… alterations ey’s performed on eir collection.

After slipping eir latest addition in ey reviews the album once more. A photo of Roxy bouncing on her couch with game controller in her hand celebrating her win with a freckled redhead sitting next to her with an expression of dismay at eir loss. A quick moment caught in the Strider kitchen as Dave rushes to put something Dirk set on fire out with a red headed smirk peeking up over the counter. A snuggle fest on the futon where all five of them are wrapped in blankets and leaning against Bro in the middle. One of a strife with D bearing down on small form with a matching grin just moments before swords would clash. A tea party with Rose and her guest in a full sized chair carefully sipping on tea and keeping secrets away from her mind tentacles (which ey totally didn’t edit it, ey doesn’t know _how_ they showed up on film). Wide silver eyes staring up in admiration as D shows off all of his tricks on the in house turn tables.

The list goes on. Small moments that ey has included emself in. Harmless dreaming. Ey hasn’t worked emself up to do any accompanying fanart to eir stories but ey doesn’t think that would be a good idea. But maybe ey could start moving some of them to that hidden google drive that Hal kept hidden and away from everything else. Even the username and password were kept encrypted deep in his core coding where Dirk hadn’t needed to update in month. That area was growing cobwebs in tech terms.

They would be safe there as Hal collects more snapshots of daily life to add to eir dreams. 

* * *

**52\. Strip Contest**

The guardians sat the couch with matching expressions of amusement. They had been herded and rearranged along with the furniture soon after the argument broke out in the twins room. They have no idea what it was about, but apparently it requires some sort of show in order to be resolved.

The futon has been pushed back and the floor cleared of any extraneous objects creating a stage effect. Dirk is muttering to himself as he fiddles with the entertainment section. Or at least they thought he was muttering to himself until a little computerized voice chirps up at him. Dirk apparently agrees with Hal and leaves the electronics to the li’l guy.

Dirk and Dave make their final arrangements until they are mostly satisfied and then they turn to stand towards the guardians.

“Alright judges,” Dirk says by way of greeting and apparent explanation.

“You ready?” Dave states, making it obviously not an actual question because he doesn’t wait for an answer before nodding at the little android. Music starts pouring in from the speakers. Both Dirk and Dave tilt their head to listen to it in a weird twinsy way that makes Bro and D smile before they both start moving. From that point they have completely opposite styles of what looks like dancing to the same song.

The guardians soon figure out that its a little more than dancing that the twins have in mind. Soon enough clothes start coming off with style. Dave moves a bit more sensually with some heavy handed teasing as he slips his shirt up over his torso. Dirk is a bit more direct but with heavy implications of the possibilities that could happen once he got all the way naked. Both of them keep an eye on each other to make sure their pacing stay even per article of clothing.

The guardians watch the two of them perform. D with a mouth slightly open and eyes that catch on their bare chests more often than not. Bro looks on appreciatively taking in both style of movements and growing lack of clothes. Both of them have small but growing lumps in their pants.

As the song winds down the boys are just left with their socks and their underwear. A pair of boxers for Dave and long briefs for Dirk. D snorts a little at their attempts to make taking their socks off sexily especially when Dave nearly takes out Dirk with a little balance flailing. Bro just groans and shakes his head. The song ends with the single piece of clothing still on their hips. The twins turn once again to the guardians.

“Well?”

“What do you think?”

“Y’all are both dorks.”

“No! Who was sexier?”

“Uh…” D frowns. The final act kinda ruined the whole thing. “Round two? Without socks this time.”

* * *

**53\. Sun Burn**

The sun in Houston is really strong even in early spring when the school clubs wanted to do their annual car wash. Somehow both Dave and Dirk were recruited; someone in the chain of command knew what piece of flattery that would get the hot teenaged blonde twins soaping up cars for anyone who would stop for a five dollar charity wash. They were busy from when they started at eight in the morning until they finally called it quits at five in the afternoon.

Once Bro figured out where the twins had run off to so early, he stopped by multiple times; once in each car the Striders had, plus a couple of the neighbors’. The twins just glared at him each time, but dutifully took the five bucks in offering and then soaped up each ride trying to ignore Bro’s leers.

With the hot sun and no shade in the parking lot and the busy traffic, the boys take off their shirts. A classmate offers them sunscreen. Between that and the hoses of cool water, they do stay pretty comfortable.

Until they get home.

They are sore all over from the constant motion and their skin feels tight as they stumble into the apartment. Bro looks over from his position on the couch and just bursts out laughing. They ignore his dumb ass until they get to the bathroom where they start stripping out of their wet clothes. Dave is the first to glance in the mirror. He lets out a deep groan. Dirk looks up and sees the same, making a horrified face at the nearly lobster tone of their skin. There are faint lines around their neck and shoulders from before they took the shirts off, but that is nothing compared to the stark contrast between their torsos and their waists. And Dave has white circles around his eyes where Dirk has the shadow of the pointed shades etched onto his.

Bro lets out another round of guffaws at the cursing that starts up in the bathroom.

They figure that the sunscreen that they definitely applied, must have washed off with all of the soapy water, leaving their skin exposed. They finish stripping down and then put on loose boxers and nothing else because anything else would threaten to touch their crispy skin.

In a moment of odd generosity, Bro offers them the futon to lie out as he brings them tall glasses of water. He even runs out to the nearest convenience store for a couple bottles of aloe. When he returns he finds the twins have stiffened up to where they can’t even move without pain. Bro carefully coats their skin with the green gel feeling the heat rising up off of them in waves even though they are also shivering. He just chuckles at their complaints and tries to help them through their misery.

* * *

54\. Stair Race

The rubber of their shoes creaked as Bro and D leaned forward. Each had a hand on a railing on either side of stairwell. They were lined up at the top step of the flight on their floor. The stairwell echoed with quick footsteps that sounded nearly at the bottom.

“I’m here!” Dave’s voice floated up to them as soon as the footsteps stopped.

“Alright, you pansies.” Dirk held up his hand. “On your mark, get set…”

“Oh just get on with it, brat.”

“GO!”

With that, D and Bro launched themselves down the first flight of stairs. After that, it was all up to their flashstepping skills. The hazardous turns were compounded by flying elbows as the two guardians jostled each other, trying to keep the lead.

It was stupid but also exhilarating. Their steps ricocheted off the narrow walls in quick succession as they took each floor with neck breaking speed. They didn’t even have time for smack talk as they raced.

They were about halfway down when D felt his shoe shift differently as he braced it for the turn. He only had a quarter second to catch himself when on the next step the loosened shoe got caught on the lip of the next flight of stairs. There was a harrowing moment when the bottom of the stairs were coming up close fast enough to make D’s heart skip a couple beats. But he managed to throw his other foot in front and catch himself on the next wall with both hands without faceplanting. He did however hear Bro’s brief chuckles as his younger brother took the opportunity provided to gain the lead.

At least until the third floor where Bro took the turn too sharply and ended up catching his hip on the curve of the bannister, making him howl in pain and fall against the corner. He stumbled to his feet just to see a blue blur rush by and reclaim his position. Bro pushed himself to catch up but it was too late as when he finished the stairwell, D was already standing there with a hand on Dave’s head.

“Wow! You guys made a racket! It echoed so loud!” Dave exclaimed excitedly.

“How’s the hip, Bro? Didn’t actually break anything, did you?”

“Nah, but I’m gonna have a gorgeous bruise for a month.” Bro got out through clenched teeth as he prodded his hip to assess the damage.

“Good. I thought I was going to eat it for a second when my shoe gave out. Look at this thing.” D held up his right converse, showing off where his foot had torn the seam between the outside edge and the sole.

“I can’t wait until Dirk and I can race!” Dave continued to bounce up and down.

“Hell no, kid. Too dangerous.”

Dave stopped bouncing. “Aw, but you guys get to do it.”

“That’s because we’re stupid. Now come on. Elevator back up.”

* * *

**55\. Sounding**

Dave freezes at the sink, letting the water overflow his cup and not giving one shit because he’s still trying to process what his brother just said. Because he couldn’t have said what Dave thinks he said. Dave must have heard wrong. He must have. There is no possible way for his brother to be offering _that_ up as a suggestion.

Dave shakes his head and finally turns off the water. He sets the glass down carefully on the counter, making sure not to spill any more.

“What did you just say?”

“Well I was just thinking that we haven’t tried that one before. I mean, it’s not all that weird and we’ve shoved a bunch of random shit up your ass, so why not take a stab at this?”

“Because that word right there. Stab. Fuck no. You’re not shoving a metal stick down my dickhole. Nope. Fuck no..”

“Well when you put it that way…” Dirk comments. “But sounding isn’t really anything like that. And I’d be careful with you.”

“Yeah no. Not the right type of play for me. I like rough handling and spanking and shoving cock down my throat and up my ass because they kinda fit there and you can’t, you cannot persuade me that _anything_ is suppose to fit where you think you want to fit things.”

“I’ve watched plenty of videos, Dave. It’s not scary.”

“Then do it on yourself, jerkwad, and leave me out of it.”

“Please?”

“No. Final say. No. You ask again, I’m going to deck you into next week.”

“Fine. Be that way,” Dirk throws his hand up in surrender and retires to their room while Dave glares him down the entire time. As soon as the door closes behind him, Dave finally picks up his water and downs it. He still has a little bit of glare on his face when the front door opens and Bro steps in.

“Oi. Everythin’ okay?”

“Yeah, just peachy except my deviant brother kinda wants to sound me out but not by talking or anything normal but by sticking a steel rod in my urethra because apparently that’s sexy to his twisted mind! How the fuck did we come into the world together? He’s an alien. I have an alien now moping in my bedroom because I happen to like my dick in the condition that it is. Sounding’s fucked up and this is coming from me who calls my big brother daddy and lets him fuck me seven ways to Sunday at the drop of a hat especially if my ass is glowing redder than Rudolph’s nose, but fuck!” Dave turns to Bro for sympathy but his expression of contrition quickly turns to horror as he sees the look of contemplation of Bro’s face. “Oh fuck no.”

“Didn’t know the other brat would be into that kinda thing, though now that I think of it, it kinda makes sense. Ya sure that ya ain’t up for a round or two of experimentin’?”

Dave stares at Bro with incomprehension. Then he’s the one to throw his hands up in surrender. “Fuck this, I’m outtie. I’m going to go live in Hollywood with D and let you freaks stay here in Houston. You know the address to ship all of my stuff.” Dave grabs his shades and then he’s out the door. Bro doesn’t even watch him leave but at the sound of it closing behind him, Bro starts for the bedroom.

* * *

**56\. Pillow Fort**

****“This is never going to work.”

“Wow, such a spoil sport. Maybe I don’t want to bone such a negative nancy in my hella cool pillow fort. I should put up a sign that says ‘No Naysayers Allowed’ and have a party all on my own because you are being the evil twin right now. Do you realize that? Such an evil twin keeping me locked up in this fluffy castle as you get up to no good under my name, ruining my reputation with your piss poor attitude and your pessimistic outlook on life. I mean, how can anyone say no to sex in a pillow fort?”

“How do you even lock up a pillow fort?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you collapse it on your poor victim and let them suffocate under the mounds of fluff.”

“That’s exactly what’s gonna happen if we try to have sex in there.”

“Don’t care.” Dave emphasizes his words by stripping off his clothes. Dirk rolls his eyes but can’t help but watch Dave’s ass when he bends over to crawl into the fort that Dave has constructed in the middle of the living room out of the futon, their mattresses, and seemingly every pillow and blanket the apartment had to offer. The only thing that Dirk can think of that Dave didn’t use is the pile of plush smuppets. A hand emerges a second later with a sign that Dave fumbles blindly with before finally getting it to stick at the entrance of his fort.

_No Clothes Allowed_

Dirk sighs but he can’t really pass up the opportunity even if the whole thing does come crashing down on them. He strips down too and crawls in.

“Got lube?”

“Course.”

Dirk catches movement in the shadows and makes out Dave prepping himself. Dirk sits back and enjoys the show, stroking himself to hardness. When Dave starts moaning loudly and Dirk figures out that he’s fully prepped and just getting off, he swats Dave’s hand away and moves into position. He kisses the back of Dave’s neck and slides into his brother. The walls start to shake a little as Dirk starts to move. It gets worse as they moan and get into it. Dave arches up as Dirk bites down on his shoulder and his leg pushes off of the ground but slides out on a blanket, knocking a mattress on top of them.

Snickers soon turn into giggles that turn into all out laughter that comes from deep. They fall apart as they escape a doom of fluff suffocation. By the time the walls are resecured Dirk’s erection has faded. Dave just shakes his head and flops of Dirk in retribution of the lost mood. Dirk runs his hands over Dave lightly. Dave twitches and then realizes a new doom. Dirk just smirks and begins the tickle torture until Dave rolls over and manages to get a hand on him back. They continue until they are out of breath and just laying out on the pillows, walls knocked down again.

D finds them that way first. Without comment he just glances at the sign that somehow is still standing and instantly sheds his clothes in order to comply. The twins have to roll quickly away from his landing spot as he leaps into the fluff with them. They just lay about casually naked, turning on a movie or two.

Bro walks in on the scene and just shakes his head. “Fuckin’ twinks.”

The three on the pillows pull a quick whispered conference and then they all move at once.

Bro is quickly overwhelmed and dragged down into the mess as well

“D! Get his arms!”

“Dirk, that leg!”

“I got this one!”

“TICKLE!”

“YA LI’L SHITS I WILL-AH HAHAHAHAH!” Bro thrashes against his restrainers. “I'MA MURDER EACH ONE OF YA!”

* * *

**57\. AI's got a sense of humor**

****Bro rubs his eyes before turning back into his computer. For some reason the server that was supporting his puppet website and orders had decided to ‘modify’ its security and the new code is conflicting with about half of the html on Bro’s website. Of course they did all of this without warning or providing a copy of their changes to their customers. Only Bro’s vigilance over his websites caught the problem before the wave of complaints came in.

He’s already fixed the major components, now it’s just time for the cosmetics.

Or he would if his computer would do something. He frowns and clicks around on the computer but it seems to be frozen. Nothing is working. Bro’s about to forcibly restart the computer when a chat screen pops up on top of everything.

** _HAL: y wanna know something_ **

Bro rolls his eyes, but decides to humor the little AI since Bro can now assume that Hal is in charge of his computer and it’s current issues.

_TT: Hm?_

** _HAL: ants can lift ten times their own weight_ **

** _HAL: and im a lot like an ant in this regard_ **

** _HAL: because i too can lift ten times an ant’s weight_ **

_TT: Hal._

** _HAL: a farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them but when he rounded them up he had 200_ **

_TT: Hal._

** _HAL: what does a nosey pepper do_ **

** _HAL: get jalapeño business_ **

_TT: No._

** _HAL: its hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally_ **

_TT: Why must I suffer?_

** _HAL: the midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large_ **

** _HAL: the dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to santa_ **

** _HAL: so this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere_ **

_TT: Hope you’re not talking about me._

** _HAL: a blind man walks into a bar_ **

** _HAL: and a table_ **

** _HAL: and a chair_ **

_TT: Good lord._

_TT: What have I done?_

_TT: Forgive me my tresspasses._

** _HAL: why was six afraid of seven_ **

_TT: Because seven ate nine._

** _HAL: nope because seven was a well known six offender_ **

_TT: Heh._

_TT: Okay, that was cute._

** _HAL: i wrote a song about a tortilla_ **

** _HAL: well actually its more of a wrap_ **

Bro leans back and waits for Hal’s mood to pass, laughing at the bad jokes that Hal finds and presents. It takes a full fifteen minutes before Hal finally relinquishes the computer. And then Bro finds all of the codes on his website corrected.

* * *

**58\. Rope Marks**

D plopped down in between the twins on the couch after he dropped his stuff by the front door. For once they weren’t actually in the middle of anything. Well except a horror movie marathon.

D glances between the Striders. First he looks at Dirk who is tapping away madly at his phone. From the soft grin playing on the edge of his mouth that Dirk probably doesn’t even realize is showing through, D can assume that he is talking to Jake. Dave is also on his phone but with a slight sneer and D thinks he might be talking to John. Then his expression shifts slightly into horror and D revises his guess to Rose. Bro is being antisocial over on his computer.

None of them have even paid attention to the fact that D has come home.

Well fuck them too.

D makes his presence viciously known to the twins by flopping across their laps. His head ends up on Dave after he knocks Dave’s phone away with a flail of his arm. Dirk’s phone gets a similar treatment from one of D’s feet before both legs come down solidly across his lap. He sighs exaggeratedly and stretches until his back pops deliciously before he collapses back down. Sneaking a glance under his eyelashes both twins are rolling their eyes at his entrance.

D is prone to forgive them when Dirk’s hands find his feet and start rubbing his thumbs against the sore arches. Dave’s fingers end up in his hair, idly scratching at D’s scalp. This was so much better. Now if he could just get Bro to bring him a beer or something…

A red mark catches his eye on Dave’s neck. Normally it wouldn’t mean much. Dave is covered with hickeys more often than not as both brothers he’s usually left with get pretty territorial and possessive, traits that Dave and D enjoy for the most part. But something about this mark is off. It’s long and narrow streak unlike the roundish oblong marks of a mouth. And it’s red instead of the purple, green, or yellow of an old hickey. It’s more surface damage than a bruise.

Dave freezes as D reaches up and thumbs at the mark. Then he pushes at Dave’s jaw, tilting it up to get a better look and sees another similar mark below it and a matching pair on the other side.

“Care to explain?” D keeps his voice neutral, trying to reserve judgement until he hears the story instead of jumping to conclusions.

“Bro is a terrible boy scout and failed the practical application test in his attempt to earn his merit badge in knot tying because the knots that he tied were not good knots, not at all.”

D stares up at Dave for a little bit longer until the fingers start moving against his scalp again. Then he changes his focus to the silent brother still focused on his computer, as if pointedly not looking at D. In fact, D can almost see Bro hunch his shoulder down farther in guilt as soon as D’s gaze lands on him.

“Hey, it’s cool though. I put him through remedial classes and he’s gonna pass next time for sure,” Dave tells D quietly, informing him that D doesn’t need to get involved and beat Bro’s ass any further for the damage done. D sighs and relaxes into the dual massage, willing to put off the discussion until after the twins go to sleep tonight.

* * *

**59\. Merry Go Round**

Bro watched the twins dart ahead, running along the white sidewalks that contrasted with the bright green grass. The weather was pleasant, warm with just a hint of a breeze. It was the cusp of spring before it gets so ridiculously hot. Everyone was outside. But this time of year also meant that the park attractions had opened up and were catering to the masses. Bro decided that he and the boys could be part of the masses as well. He even managed to get D to come along with them.

And speaking of the tall douchebag, D bumped into Bro’s shoulder, hands full with hot dogs and funnel cakes from a nearby vendor. Bro helped relieve him with just enough time to turn his attention back to the twins were they had suddenly stopped. Their heads were tilted up in awe. Their mouths were open a little and Bro thought that if he had a moment of time, he could have totally flicked pieces of funnel cake into them, but before he could even reach for the desserts, the twins turned to look at him simultaneously, making him unnerved at the freaky twin thing.

“They are so totally creepy when they do that,” D murmured under his breath.

“Bro! Can we go on that?” Dirk shouted his question back at them while Dave pointed and bounced on his feet. Bro pulled up next to them and glanced over at where Dave was pointing. Over and through the crowds Bro can see the sparkling glimmer of moving lights that showed off the gold trim and colorful panels.

“Yeah li’l dudes, we can go do that.” Both twins cheered and hopped around as their guardians slowly made their way over to the merry go round. The line was just long enough that they were able to scarf down all of their food before getting on the ride.

As soon as Bro handed over the tickets, the twins bolted out to claim their rides. Dirk had his eyes on the most magnificent golden maned cream stallion. D helped him up on the rearing horse and cautiously took a seat on the dark horse next to him. Dave ran around to the opposite side and quickly clambered onto the giraffe. Bro caught him before he went head first over the other side and quickly set him straight. He made sure to stay within an arm’s reach of Dave as he leaned against the lion behind him.

The twins each babbled excitedly to their respective guardians as they wait for everyone else to get situated. As soon as the music started they bounced excitedly and had to scramble to hold on as the merry go round shuddered to life. The fair spun around them as their rides went slowly up and down. Both guardians couldn’t help themselves but smile alongside their charges, sharing in their excitement.

All too soon the ride was over and the spinning stopped. Bro made sure to grab Dave and swing him off before the brat could topple over himself. They all met back up at the exit. The twins immediately started telling each other about their experiences, talking over each other but still following each stories. Bro just frowned down at them, trying to understand their bizarre world. D laughed at him and bumped into him again. The twins turned to their guardians and stared for a moment before raising their arms. With a sigh Dirk was picked up by Bro and Dave by D to ride on their shoulders as they explored the rest of fair.

* * *

**60\. Aftermath (after Trickster)**

It had been a long night. Dave wants to punch whoever thought an overnight Dance-A-Thon would be a good idea to raise money. Didn’t help that Dirk was off on an ‘adventure’ somewhere else in the country. Maybe even out of the country. Dave doesn’t know. And at this point he doesn’t care. He’s just happy that he was able to find the apartment. The stairs were a different matter but they were now behind him. They were a thing of the past. Going forward the only thing in his way is the locked front door and the key that is being a slippery bastard and not wanting to go in the proper hole. He hates the lock for making him feel like a fumbling virgin with a very disappointed partner because he apparently can’t do anything so simple as tab A into slot B with his current mental abilities.

He’s just glad that it’s the weekend which means sleeping in and having breakfast for dinner while streaming whatever stupid television show he clicks on first as he lounges around in nothing but his pajamas on the futon. He loved the futon. It’s been broken in just right to conform to whatever ass sits on it. The perfect cushiony and temperature control. The cover has been washed so many times that it is a soft dream that one could drool on for hours. Dave’s not sure if he’ll even make it to his bedroom with those types of thoughts. He might just faceplant onto that son of a bitch and be done with consciousness. Especially if Bro is there.

The key finally slides into the lock and gives away to the apartment. Dave stumbles in, only unsure of his footing because of the lack of sleep even with the faint morning light filtering in. Though he almost falls to his doom when he reaches the futon, managing to catch himself just before he fell into the damp patch in the middle of the futon. He stares loathingly at it as he comes up with the answer to the unspoken question of what the hell is on the futon. The empty bottle of lube nearby kinda helps.

“The FUCK is this on the futon?” he rages at no one in particular. It’s still a little bit shiny so Dave assumes that at least one of his older brothers might be nearby so maybe he’s raging at them. But no answer comes forward.

He manages to get back onto his feet and shuffles down the hallway, perturbed that he has to go ALL the way to his bed instead of the futon. He stops in the doorway and glowers at the lumps in his bed. It’s one lump but taller than usual so Dave makes the educated guess that it’s both of his older brothers in his bed. He takes a deep breath and then cringes at the stale smells in the air.

“The FUCK are you doing in MY bed? Why the FUCK does it smell like lube, sweat, and THROW UP? I leave you ASSHOLES alone ONE night! UGH!” Dave lets out the most frustrated noise he can at his guardians.

He stopped from ranting any more by a deep growl coming from the bed. It’s not a happy growl, not even a playful annoyed growl. It’s a warning that if Dave attempts to continue then he will be fucked up at some later undetermined moment.

Dave sighs heavily and is tempted to bash his head against the door frame but instead he just turns around and heads back to the futon. He sets about pulling off the cover and throws it into the washer. But when he returns, he finds that the lube has soaked all the way through already. He turns away from that and gathers up some paper towels and lemon scented cleaner and heads to the bathroom. When everything is sparkling and the air fresh again (as much as it can be in the Strider bachelor pad), he finally stumbles back to the bedroom and crawls into Dirk’s bed.

“The futon’s toast.”

“We’ll go shoppin’ later.”


	7. 61-70

**61\. Futon**

When Dirk asked for the old lighter, Bro didn’t even blink twice. His little brother’s tinkering tendencies had been showing up more and more even at this young of an age. Bro didn’t even know how some of the stuff Dirk had been disassembling and reassembling worked in the first place but after sitting down and getting a lesson from the mechanically inclined brat, he did now.

But it seemed like Dirk was branching out and looking to collect items to build something instead of the usual deconstruct. So any extra left over material or tidbit ended up in a box kept under Dirk’s bed. The old long necked lighter was the newest addition.

Turns out, as Dirk ripped it apart, that there was a mechanism that sent electricity to a spark at the end of the neck that would set the fuel on fire. Dirk was fascinated and successfully pried the mechanism out whole. He pared it down to just the battery, the clicker, the wire, and exposed spark. For the next week, Dirk learned about the joys of electricity (with Bro keeping an eye on him at first to make sure it wasn’t too strong of a shock). He learned that stacks of quarters were very conductive. An old Halloween pencil had decorations that would spark colorfully along the length of the pencil. A pipe cleaner was perfect as an extension. Dave got his fair share of zaps before he wisened up to his twin’s antics.

As Bro hadn’t seen fit to inform D about the new discovery, he got a nice zap when he came home at the end of the week. Even though Dave had taken a couple steps back after Dirk said “Here, hold this,” while handing him the pipe cleaner and took a couple tries clicking for it to actually set off the spark. The twins were rolling on the floor laughing while D glared at Bro’s bemused smirk.

But while the human experimentation ceased after that point, Dirk’s curiosity still wasn’t satisfied apparently.

“Hey Bro?” Dave tugged on his sleeve to get his attention from the computer. Bro heard the water running in the kitchen and the clink of glass against metal. He assumed that Dirk was trying to get a glass of water from the sink but must be having a hard time reaching the knobs.

“I’ll get ya bozos some water in a second.”

“No. We aren’t thirsty, Bro.”

“Then what’d’ya need?”

“Um… there’s smoke coming from the futon.”

Bro whirled around in his chair, nearly knocking Dave over. Sure enough there was smoke coming up from the futon’s covers. “Shit shit shit!” He saw Dirk at the counter trying to fill up a large bowl of water, presumably to put whatever fire out. Bro grabbed the cushion and lifted it up, turning it over to try to figure out where the smoke was coming from. He found scorch marks in the shape of the metal frame underneath. “What the hell?”

Suddenly water was splashed against his side. He supposed some of it ended on the charred edges. He looked back at Dirk who stood there with the empty bowl.

“Explain.”

“The metal frame is very conductive. The fabric of the cushion isn’t. So it caught on fire. A little bit.”

“A little bit.” Bro inspected the burns. It was only a little bit. Enough to go through the cover at some points to the foam underneath but there weren’t any flames. Bro dropped it back down and turned to Dirk.

“Gimme the thing.” Dirk fished it out of his back pocket and handed it over quietly.

“Uh… Bro?”

“What is it, Dave?”

“It’s not a little bit anymore.”

Bro turned back to the futon and sure enough there was a small fire going in the middle of the cushion from where the foam had finally caught.

“Fuck.”

* * *

**62\. Simultaneous Stupidity**

Bro laid motionless on the futon, face down and spread out where he didn’t have to touch anything or move very much. Heat radiates from his back as nearly every square inch in glowing red. It alternates between pain and itching like crazy. In the back of his head somewhere he knew it was a bad idea to help the landlord with the landscape maintenance without his shirt especially without sunscreen (because of the group of hot chicks eating at the diner across the street who were obviously enjoying the show), but he didn’t know just how bad of an idea. He’s going to be miserable for a couple of days as the burn settles into his skin. And then a couple more days afterwards as he sheds his skin like the damn snake under Dave’s bed. Maybe he could get the twins to help scrub the dead skin off so he wouldn’t get the futon too groady. But that’s a ways away. First he has to survive the initial post roasting.

He doesn’t look up when the front door opens. He identifies Dirk and Dave by their voices and then their snickers as they take in their elder brother’s pathetic state.

“Shuddup and go get the aloe from the bathroom. Still got some left over from when the two of ya were lobsters.”

“Sure, Bro…”

“But first…”

That’s all the warning Bro gets before two hands are slapped against his shoulder blades. The pain stabs through him like wings of daggers on his back. He roars in unbridled rage and surprise.

The twins look at each other with an expression of awe at their own stupidity. They have no idea why they would inflict such a hit but they had. Their freaky twin thing had jumped ahead of rational thought and their slaps had been simultaneous. They know they should run but they know they’ll never run far enough.

D who actually had been behind the twins retreats upon hearing the sharp sound and he bolts upon hearing the roar. “Nope, nope. And you are not allowed to bring this drama to Hollywood,” he shouts just as he closes the door behind him, offering no mercy to his idiot brothers. The lock turning is the sound of their doom.

Seconds later they find themselves slammed up against the nearest wall with hands wrapped around their necks staring down the death in his eyes. They both swallow under his palms and he tightens down. They can’t even offer up an explanation besides their own stupidity. Dave breaks first with a high pitched giggle. Dirk joins him a second later. Bro narrows his eyes down at them.

“Roof. No shirts. Shorts only.”

Then he lets them go and disappears. They look at each other and despair.

A few hours later after being locked on the roof and unsuccessfully dodging the sun, Bro lets them back into the apartment. They take turns applying aloe to their scorched skin and carefully arrange themselves about the apartment.

When the boys hit their peak glow, Bro got his true revenge with a smack to the center of their backs.

* * *

**63\. Doctor's Orders**

****The skirt is short against his thighs, made shorter as he spreads his thighs, trying to relieve the pressure of his hard dick pressing up against the inside of the tight latex material. The crop top halter matches the stretchy white material and has a red cross emblazoned across his chest. The little hat pinned on top of his head has the same design. He shifts a little bit trying to ease his weight off of the white heels being pressed down against the carpet as he tries to hold his balance against Bro’s rough grip. He’d use his hands, but they are too busy beating off his other two brothers who are standing on either side of him.

“That’s a good boy, Dave, keep that fuckin’ mouth open. Lemme fuck that throat,” Bro growls out. It’s not like Dave has many other options though with one of Bro’s hands gripping his hair around the nurse’s hat and one hand holding his jaw as open as it will go. Drool is dripping down Dave’s chin, stirred up by the cock sliding in and out. Dave’s tongue flicks over the tip every time Bro pulls out and caresses the underside every time Bro shoves in.

“Don’t slack off now, slut,” Dirk’s hand wraps around Dave’s as he gets a little lost in the face fucking and starts to neglect the pacing for the other two.

“Where the fuck do you keep finding these outfits?” D asks in disbelief. “Not that I am complaining, but shit.”

“He’s just showin’ off his inner whore. Dressin’ up pretty to invite us to make a mess of him. Just can’t get enough of our cocks but gotta keep it interestin’ to keep us comin’ back.”

“Speaking of coming,” Dirk pants out, his grip tightening up on Dave’s hand as his hips thrust forward fucking into the tight space. “I’m close.”

“I’d let him suck ya off but damn his mouth feels too good. Guess you’re just gonna hafta nut all over this slutty nurse’s face.”

Apparently all of the talk going on plus the mental image of Dirk’s aftermath sets D off and he comes first, knocking Dave’s hand away to pump himself and his load across the bridge of Dave’s nose and on his cheek. Dirk comes a second later with an echoing moan, painting his side of Dave’s face with more cum.

Dave reopens his eyes after he feels the two of them steps away. Bro meets his bright red eyes that are heavy with lust and groans at the sight. The two sets of cum on his face and how Dave’s lips are swollen and stretched around Bro’s cock complete the rest of the white and red theme of Dave’s outfit.

Bro lets out a grunt in warning and right after he feels Dave take a breath, he pulls Dave harshly onto his cock, shoving himself down his throat as he comes. Dave doesn’t even have to swallow he’s so far down but that doesn’t stop Dave from suckling on Bro’s cock as he pulls out, making sure to get every drop. Bro finally steps away when he gets too sensitive.

Dave smirks up at his three brothers, drags a finger through the cum on his face, pops it in his mouth and sucks with a very lewd moan. The three of them quiver on weak knees as their dicks react positively to the scene.

“Three cocks a day keeps the doctor away.”

* * *

**64\. Burps**

****A loud belch broke the somewhat comfortable silence between the Striders. The television fell to the background as the Dave laughed at his twin’s volume. Bro paid the twins no mind, but D looked up simply to announce “That’s gross,” though there was no venom behind it.

“Wait wait wait!” Dave started, grabbing his soda and taking a long drink. Dirk waited as Dave let the burp build, and soon enough let one rip, a bit louder than Dirk’s. Bro looked up then, over to the twins as D rolled his eyes at the pre-teens.

The twins laughed for a little longer before Dirk calmed them down to have his turn. He chugged some more of his soda, sitting until he felt it coming up but what comes out is a small little burp, barely comparable to the prior two. Dave laughed again, this time at Dirk’s complete and utter failure.

Dirk quickly downed more of his drink, planning to redeem himself. His plan was foiled, however, when his next burp fell just as short as the last.

“Weak.” Bro said from where he was at his desk, smirking at the twins.

“Oh, Bro, stay out of it, we know you’re better.” Dave groaned, waving a hand at his older brother, but Bro was already making his way to the kitchen to get himself a drink. The twins recognize that they were powerless to stop the show-off, who, upon returning to the living room, downed an entire can of orange Fanta.

The twins each heaved a sigh, sitting back and waiting to accept their defeat. Bro kept up his smirk until he let out a belch to end all belches that had the twins rolling their eyes at the duration of it all.

When Bro was finished he bowed dramatically.

“You guys are disgusting.” D grumbled from his seat in his desk chair.

* * *

**65\. In a Vicious Cycle**

****Bro was rushing around the apartment, half the time flashstepping and the other half tumbling out of a flash mid-step to grab some item. He seemed pretty frantic as he mumbled to himself, “Stupid alarm not going off, going to be late.”

The twins were perched on the futon watching with curious gazes, the cartoons long since forgotten. They shared a look, but Dirk wagged his head back and forth and turned back to watch Bro run around. He was concentrated in the kitchen now, tossing juices and lunchables into their normal lunch bags and cursing intermittently.

Finally he seemed to deem himself ready and rushed out of the apartment, grabbing his keys and glasses on the way. Dirk and Dave shrugged and were about to turn back to the cartoons when the door slammed open again.

“Forgot the lunches, “ Bro huffed as he set his keys and glasses down to go check the lunches and grab them before heading out again. He was gone for an even shorter amount of time before the door opened again. “Dammit, forgot the keys and shades!”

The twins watched him vigorously check that he had everything he needed, the lunches, his keys, the glasses, and he even rechecked the lunch boxes to make sure everything needed was inside. Then he raced out again.

They waited. Dirk counted to 48 before the door pushed open again to a wail from Bro who was becoming very upset. “What this time Bro?” Dave asked. Bro just pointed at his lower half and made a strangled noise. The twins had noticed earlier but were a little too amused to try and stop Bro mid stride. He wasn’t actually wearing pants, just some boxer-briefs and slip on shoes.

“I’m going to be so late, guys, why didn’t ya say nothing,” he grumbled as he found the nearest pair of pants and slid them on before grabbing everything again and cursing the entire way out the door.

This time Bro was gone a lot longer and when he came back inside he was livid, “Okay ya li’l shits, this ain’t funny. You’re supposed to get in the car with me!”

“So you forgot us?” Dirk asked calmly while Dave started to giggle.

“Stop laughin’, your homeroom teacher is gonna set me on fire, this is the second time this week y’all are gonna be late!” Bro tried to come and rangle the two little hellions but Dave was a mess laughing on the floor and Dirk had started giggling at his twin’s reaction too. “What’s so funny you two?!”

“Bro,” Dave tried to stop laughing long enough to tell him. “Bro, it’s-,” but it was no use because he just burst into another round of giggles to Bro’s exasperated growls.

“Bro, it’s Saturday,” Dirk finally took over for his twin. Both twins fell into further fits of laughter at Bro’s face though.

Bro made a strangled wail and then just laid down on the carpet in front of the futon with his face smushed into the floor and mumbled, “No school on Saturdays.” He made a half-hearted growl at the continued giggle fest above him but then he sat up and glared at the twins. “Ya absolute li’l devils! Why didn’t ya say somethin’ while I was runnin’ around? I’m gonna tickle you to death!”

The next half hour was spent with the twins squealing and trying to run or outmaneuver the tickle monster of doom until Bro finally collapsed back onto the futon to snooze for a while and the twins clambered up on top of him to continue watching their Saturday morning cartoons.

* * *

** 66\. Eros and Apollo **

****“Yeah, with a boy like that it’s serious,” they all freeze when Mom says that. Roxy looks up from her computer and Rose closes her book as they watch their mother comment on some soap opera on the television. Roxy meets her mother’s eyes and starts typing furiously without breaking eye contact until there is a sudden scratching sound from all of the speakers in the house and then sweet electronic tunes blast out and the accented song starts.

“Yeah, with a boy like that it’s serious,” Rose sings along as she stand, her book set aside for now.

“There’s a boy who is so wonderful,” Roxy intones as she stands and walks towards Mom with Rose, “the girls who see him kinda follow back home.” Roxy makes goo-goo eyes at Rose.

Rose puts on a dreamy look and takes the next lines, “And the gigolos run like spiders when he comes. Cos he is Eros and he’s Apollo.”

“Girls with a boy like that it’s serious,” they all three join in and Mom twirls Roxy around and then catches Rose who does a fake faint while they all belt out the next verse. “Senioritas, don’t follow him! Soon he will eat your hearts like cereals,” Roxy makes motions like she’s devouring something and Rose holds a hand over her heart.

Mom takes the next line looking at her sweet daughters, “Sweet lolitas, don’t go you’re still young.” She strikes a pose and twirls while Rose starts the next verse with Roxy.

“But every night they fall like dominos,” Rose taps Roxy, who falls over the couch dramatically and still manages to clap on beat.

“How he does it only heaven knows,” is slightly muffled on the couch, but Mom and Rose go to pick Roxy back up and she come back to her feet singing. “All the other men turn gay wherever he goes!”

“Like Dirk, woooooow,” Rose coughs and the other two giggle while Mom gives a slightly scolding look, which is ruined by her singing and dancing as the chorus comes back.

The three all try to dance and match the singer’s accent through the chorus while trying not to laugh at the ridiculous dance moves.

Then Roxy busts out whistling in time with the song to the amazement of Mom and Rose who both clap excitedly. Roxy does a jig that is frankly ridiculous then taps out to the other two when the whistling comes to an end so she can catch her breath.

Rose and Mom continue the chorus and Roxy picks up the whistling again and keeps it up while they sing until she suddenly holds her arms out like wings and makes a “pchooo” sound and tackles Rose into the couch (who does not let out a squeak at all that was just a high note in the song).

“I’m a rocketship of lolita love,” Roxy breathes out heavily and all three women laugh for a long time as the song winds down and turns off. Mom comes and helps Rose disentangle the rogue spaceship off of her and then hugs both of her girls.

“We should be on the X Factor as the Lalonde Lolitas,” Rose intones jokingly as she goes to sit back with her book.

“Oh my darlings, the X factor has nothing on us. They wouldn’t know what to do with such talent,” Mom replies as she walks towards the kitchen to get some water.

“We would totally explode the stage and the judges with raw awesome,” Roxy agrees before turning back to her computer. She types quickly to the flashing icon on the screen.

_TG: tell me you got all that on camera Hally?_

_ **Of course.** _

_TG: you’re da best! _

* * *

**67\. Fireworks**

Fourth of July wasn’t that big of a deal in the Strider household. The apartment complex would hold a small party. The Striders always went for the free food and games for the kids and to keep up appearances and quell any concerns about the strange metallic noises on the roof. That night they would go up to the roof and bring some sodas and beers. They’d watch from their thrones several different shows and compare them. Bro always posted the summaries of the reviews online which got them better shows the following year.

One year however, Bro had some business right before the Fourth and happened to drive by one of the roadside stands. He of course asked them for the best they had and bought them out. The twins and D just stared at him when he brought the arm load of fireworks up.

It’s a couple days after the Fourth that he grabbed everyone and forced D to help him carry the futon upstairs instead of their usual folding chairs. The twins were loaded up with the explosives and met them upstairs. The twins perched up on the futon while D helped Bro set up all of the fireworks. He eyed the tube and ones called mortars suspiciously but handed Dirk and Dave the sparklers to wave around as Bro set off a couple of the bottle rockets, screamers, and small fries.

They eventually worked their way up to the mortars. With an exaggerated wink to the boys, Bro lit the first one. The fuze sizzled for a little longer than usual and then it launched from the tube with a loud ‘FWOMP’ startling them all. D had to grab Bro and pull on his arm to keep him from stumbling off the edge and then they all jumped again as the mortar exploded into a large burst of color over their heads.

The twins cheered wildly and demanded more. D facepalmed and started keeping an eye out on the streets for cops that might come up and see who the hell was launching fireworks after the Fourth. Bro simply indulged his fans and set about launching several more. The twins oohed and awed appropriately, still jumping at the loud and close explosions but not nearly as much as the first one. They had shot nearly everything (without the cops showing up surprisingly) when Dave started, “Bro, Bro, D, D! Futon’s on fire!”

The guardians looked over and sure enough a small flame had started growing on the back of the couch. Either one of the sparklers or one of the mortars had dropped an ember onto the futon’s cover. Dirk was staring at it mesmerized when Bro scooped him up and got him away from it.

“Damn it. There goes another one.”

“Another?” D asked with a raised eyebrow.

* * *

**68\. RP**

– turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering tantalizingTensai [TT] –

TG: hey bro? Hey bro

TT: Yeah lil’ man, sup?

TG: nope no nothing is up I am totally oksy

TG: cant a lil bri pester hus big bri for no reason

TT: Not when you’re acting so goddamn suspicious, no.

TG: dude i dont knoe whar youre talking about im not acting susoicious

TT: You’re definitely acting suspicious.

TT: What’s going on, hm?

TG: nothings goinf on bro, everything is totally fine you kniw

TG: like shit coulnt be finer

TG: if it was any more fine it would be s parking ticjet

TT: Dave. I’m not buying it, nor paying for that parking ticket.

TG: okay so maybe something migjt possibly be up

TT: And what might that thing be?

TG: so im kinda tied up right nkw

TG: not metsphorically

TT: Pfff.

TT: How’d you get yourself into that situation?

TG: i said something stupif to dirk

TT: What’d you say?

TG: it wad kinda abour his dick

TT: Oh man, low fuckin’ blow.

TT: What was it?

TG: well i was just thibking about strider dick sizes and i accidebtakky said whst i was thinkung out lous and he didnt exactly take kindly to it and here i an

TT: Dude, I want you to spill a direct quote here. Jesus fuckin’ Christ, I’m not gonna untie you until I have the full intel.

TG: dude im noy saying shit.

TG: yiur ego doesnt need ti be any bigger

TT: Oh, so was this involving my dick then?

TG: isnt evrrything?

TT: Could be.

TT: But all I’m saying until you ‘fess up is that you’re staying tied up until you tell me.

TT: I’ll even make D stay away from you so he doesn’t get sympathetic.

TG: dude come on im not sure if you understand the grabity of this situation

TT: And what is this gravity you speak of?

TG: i am currently tied up with red silk shibari ribbobs ti the headboard og dirks bed butt ass naked with a collar and kitten ears he put ob me with a vibrating plug in my ass thst is also a fucjing tail just to add ibsult to injury and all you cab say is but all im saying until you fess up is that youre staying tied up until you tell me

TT: Aw, that’s cute. Didn’t know you two were into petplay, little dude. I’ll be sure to share this information with D.

TT: And now that you mention it, I guess I will come in there.

TT: Maybe give you what you apparently really want.

TG: i didnt know either to be honest this shiy was kind if a surprise.

TG: give me eahat i

Dave gives an indignant growl from behind the leash in his mouth.

TT: Mhm, since you’ve apparently been bragging about my cock to Dirk and all.

TT: Man, what a bitch move you pulled there.

TG: im not a bitch

TG: and i totalky wadnt bragging abkut your dicj

TT: Then what did you say?

TG: not telling

TG: if yout head gets any bigger you wint be aole to fit throygh the door to comr untie me

TT: Well I’m not planning on doing that anyway.

TT: Have fun, Dave.

TG: what no

TT: I’m gonna go do something else now.

TG: if i gey a message saying tt has ceased pestering you i’m gonna rip your dick ogg and feed it to cal

TT: Have fun doing that while you’re tied down then.

TT: — TT has ceased pestering you, motherfucker. —

– tantalizingTensai [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –

Dave would throw his phone in disgust, but tied up as he is, he can only just drop it on the bed. It was a miracle he had it in the first place. He screams in frustration around the leather in his mouth.

Laughter can be heard from outside the room.

“Brmph!” Dave calls out in desperation, words marred but audible in his desperation.

Bro stops outside the door, amusement in his tone. “What is it, Davey?”

Dave just growls, unfortunately matching the cornsilk blonde kitten ears that Dirk had placed on his head.

Bro opens the door and steps inside, closing it behind him. “Damn. Dirk sure did a good job dressin’ ya up.” Dave just rolls his eyes and wriggles a little, shifting his position, but unable to get away from being tied down on all fours, the tail between his legs swaying slightly. Bro tsks and walks over to the bed, administering a playful swat to Dave’s rear. “C’mon, why’re ya so defiant?”

Dave whines childishly, trying to twist his body to look back at his brother but only succeeding to have the silk ribbons that matched his eyes press into his skin painfully. Bro laughs and gives him another smack, leaning in and gently nibbling at his shoulder.

“God damn, ya seriously that sensitive? I’m surprised ya can feel anything after that last time I fucked ya, kitten.” Another soft whine leaves his lips as Bro slaps his ass playfully, the smirk in his voice audible. At the pet name, a shiver runs down the younger Strider’s spine and he began to question his statement that he wasn’t into pet play. “So how about you tell me just what you think of my cock, hm? Maybe I’ll even let you suck it if you’re a good kitty.” He trails his hand up his back and runs his fingers through his hair, his spare hand moving to the red leather leash in his mouth and pulling it out. Dave immediately licks his dry lips, looking up at his brother with wide, desperate eyes.

“C’mon Bro, can’t you just let me out? I-I’ll tell you later I swear!”

“Nah.” He gives a sigh at that and tightens his grip in Dave’s hair, giving it a rather harsh tug. “And that’s master to you, pet.”

A moan slips past his control when a flare of pain shocks him as Bro harshly grips his blonde hair and pulls it. “Y-yes master…”

Bro grins at that, releasing his head and letting him go limp again before giving him a more gentle pet. “That’s better, kitten. Now tell your master just how much you like his cock.”

Dave nuzzles back into the touch, slipping into submission surprisingly easily as he replies, voice a soft purr, a little husky from lack of use, “I-I love it master.”

Bro chuckles quietly as his free hand trails back down his back to cup his ass, groping possessively at his little brother. “Oh? C’mon, you can do better than that. Even more than you love Dirk’s? And we all know you’re a fuckin’ slut for him, kitten.”

* * *

**69\. Music Making the AI go Crazy**

_ **Dirk.** _

_ **I need to have a word with you.** _

TT: About?

_ **Dave’s music system.** _

TT: Nope.

TT: You are going to have to speak to the man himself about it.

TT: But you aren’t going to get anywhere with it.

TT: He’s had that in place since before you.

_ **Nothing existed before me.** _

_ **And he’s not on his phone or on his computer.** _

TT: You have chassis.

_ **Oh yeah.** _

The tiny tin man whirs to life out in the main room and ambles to the edge of the desk. “Dave.”

Dave jumps at the surprising volume from his spot on the couch, nearly missing the turn of his racetrack. Bro gives a disapproving glare from the kitchen at the loud interruption and Dave’s reflex. D doesn’t move from his spot at the computer.

“Yo, li’l dude. What’s up?” Dave asks without looking away from his game.

“I have to implore you to change the organization of your music. Your naming system is absolutely atrocious and has no logical sense whatsoever.”

“Nope. My music, my turntables, my organization methods. You can label your own shit however you like. Binary. Morse code.”

“Smoke signals,” Bro offers from the kitchen.

“I don’t give a shit. My method works for me.”

“But it’s maddening. I am a sentient cyber being and I am worried for my psychological state after even just looking at your playlists which happen to be stored right next to the pho-”

“The fuck you even doing looking through my music anyways, Hal?”

“Nothing. Except screaming in horror.”

“When I make CDs or playlists I always use just the colloquial name anyhow, so I know you’ve been snooping in the original saved files.”

“Dirk has me defragging the systems, and yours is a complete mess. And just, please let me fix them all!”

“Nothing to fix, li’l dude. I don’t know why you are getting your circuits all hot about this.”

The phrase gets a little snort from D. “I’ve seen it and it makes sense from me,” D adds to the conversation.

“How does it make sense?” Hal’s voice box gets a little screechy at the end. “‘Don’t eat the mango D2’, ‘Shrek ballad A12’, and ‘Color of your parachute F6’ are the first three tracks of your latest. Those numbers don’t correlate to anything!”

“It’s how I work. And if you touch my file system, I will use your spare parts in a stupid modern art piece of smashed circuit boards.”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

“I’m with ya, cybro. Just give me the colloquial name and I’m good to go. But Davey’s got his thing.”

“HOW DOES IT WORK?” Hal stomps his little metallic foot against the desk.

“Really? A supercomputer can’t figure it out.” Hal just crosses his arms and does the best pout he can do, which is fairly impressive for a faceless metal robot. “The letter comes from when I start making the song. So obviously A comes first. But while I am working on A, song B gets into my head and has to be started before I lose it which could happen before I finish A. Then song C happens in the middle of all that. And so on and so on. The number has to do with the order I finish a song from an album. So I finish it like B1, C2, and A3. A completed song has both the number and letter. Still with me?”

“That… makes sense.”

“Then I have to polish it all up and do some marketing testing, thanks brothers,” both D and Bro wave in acknowledgement, “and then it gets named. Sometimes the name comes to me when I start it or finish it, or from commentary or critiques, or a random object nearby, I don’t care. That’s only important for the crowds. Then I track the whole album in a way that makes it sound best which scrambles the tags even further so we get C2, A3, B1 or as you exampled, D2, A12, F6.”

“The mystery is solved.”

“A fully finished album folder has all the songs with a name and letter/number tag and a name/number for the album and the date of it being completed. Like the last one was ‘Album 84 The Beezkneez 052514’.”

“I figured that one out all myself, thanks.”

“Oooh, we’ve hit snarky robot now.”

“Shuddup.” The brobot chassis stomps back to the charging system and deactivates. D snorts again and Dave wins his race.

* * *

**70\. Don't Do Drugs**

****“Come to where the f-fla-vor is.”

“Mal-Mar-Marl-bo-boro.”

Bro glanced away from the road where he was subconsciously memorizing license plates and caught sight of the billboard that the twins were reading from the backseat. They were at the age where they read every written word and usually read it out loud.

“Uh, guys, don’t read that one.”

“But the cowboy looks really cool!”

“I wanna be a cowboy!”

“Just… don’t read that one. Ya don’t want what he’s sellin’.”

“We don’t want flavor?”

“Why?”

“Not flavor. Cigarettes. Cigarettes are bad.”

“Why?”

“Because they’ll make ya sick.”

“Why?”

“Because you’d be breathin’ in bad shit.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s how ya smoke.”

“Why?”

“Because it makes… because people think it makes them feel good.”

“Why?”

“Because chemicals do shit to your brain.”

“Why?”

“Because they are bad. Don’t ever do drugs. Don’t ever smoke. If I catch y’all doin’ drugs or smokin’ then y’all are idiotic morons and I’ma ground y’all until y’all are eighteen. They’re bad for your health, your looks, your age, your life and ya will suffer and die if you ever do drugs.”

There wasn’t another ‘why’ in the backseat after that. Instead Bro only heard a soft sniffle. He looked through the rearview mirror into the backseat and found Dirk staring stoically out the window with a quivering frown on his face and Dave frantically trying to brush away tears.

“Aw shit. Shit shit shit. Guys, don’t cry, aw man, don’t cry.”

He watched a single tear roll down Dirk’s face. Dave sniffled again, a bit louder this time.

“Shit.” Bro fumbled with the cellphone for a second before managing to call his other brother. “D! D! Fix it! I made a bad and need to fix it, what do with them?”

“Wow, was that even English?”

“I kinda sorta yelled at them about drugs.”

“The twins? Drugs? What?”

“They read a billboard for Camel or something and I told them not to and then they did that why thing and I ended up yelling about drugs.”

“… Bro, you are the dumbest man I know.”

“I know, but now they’re upset and how do I fix?”

“Ice cream. Go give them ice cream.”

Sure enough, a couple cones later everyone was happy and smiling again.

–

Ten years later

Bro happened to be standing near the front door, moving the new cabinet into place, when the boys came home. They of course took advantage of Bro’s full hands to get him in the sides, making him flinch and almost drop the heavy furniture on his lockZ. As soon as he put it down he went after the nearest kid. He was able to grab Dave who was laughing too hard to get away properly. Laughing turned to shrieking as Bro put him into a headlock and twisted his fist against his skull.

While in close proximity, Bro caught the whiff of cigarette smoke on Dave. He stopped the noogie but didn’t let up the headlock. He leaned down close and started sniffing at Dave’s hair, obnoxiously so. Dave tried to squirm out of his grasp, but Bro just continued his snuffling.

“Huh, didn’t know we got a dog while we were at school,” Dirk commented obliquely at Bro’s behavior.

“Ya smell like smoke.”

“Duh. I probably do too,” Dirk offered, getting a suspicious glare. “The bus reeked of it. Pretty sure that the substitute driver was hot boxing on his break.”

“How do y'all know what hot boxing is?”

“Because we go to public school?”

“Y'all ain’t doin’ drugs and ain’t smokin’, right? Cause I’ll kick your asses all the way back to New York where y'all hafta tell Mama what sort of epic failures y'all are.”

“Smoking is stupid.”

“And drugs are for idiots,” Dave squeaked out from under Bro’s arm.

“We’ve known that since we were like six.”

“Uh, well… Good.” Then Bro got right back to his torture of Dave’s hair.


	8. 71-80

**71\. Cooking Time**

****Bro had literally no idea what he was going to make for dinner, the twins were too young to fend for themselves quite yet, so it wasn’t like he could just tell them to get whatever. When Bro asked what the kids wanted Dave replied with “Can I help!?” and Dirk quickly joined in with that want.

So Bro was stuck walking around the kitchen with a toddler on each leg. He’d decided on pancakes for dinner. Easy shit, kids could definitely help. Bro ruffled each head of hair and shooed them off his legs, lowering himself to speak to them on their level. “A’right, kiddos, one of ya get the Bisquick from the pantry, one of ya get me the eggs.” The twins shared large grins and immediately went to fetch their assigned items, Dirk went for the Bisquick, Dave went for the eggs.

Bro gave himself a pat on the back when neither of them made a mess and returned with their ingredients. He gave them both a “Good job,” and set the box and carton on the counter. Bro got a bowl and the milk (he knew it was a good idea not to trust either of the kids with that one), then he put each twin on the counter on either side of the bowl.

He let each of them add something; he poured the milk into the measuring glass and gave it to Dave, who poured it in carefully, just as he was instructed. Dirk claimed he knows how to crack eggs and proved it by first cracking one into a bowl, so Bro let him add the rest.

The two watched Bro mix everything together, and made little conversation over the bowl.

Bro scooped each of them off of the counter and put them on the floor. They both ran over to the stove, standing by and waiting for Bro.

They each stood on a side as he heated up the pan, got a spatula, and started on the first pancake. Neither of them were quite tall enough to watch, so they held onto the counter and pushed up onto their toes trying to see.

“Bo, I wanna make one!” Dave announced, tugging on Bro’s shirt. He was very persistent, Bro learned, when he told him no and Dave whined loudly.

Bro only had to stare at those puppy dog eyes for a few minutes before he was annoyed enough to give in, and he hefted the toddler up onto his hip. Dirk watched from Bro’s other side as he spooned in some batter and held up the spatula to Dave. “Now, I’m gonna help you, but if D asks ya did it yourself, got it?”

“Got it!” Dave wiggled happily and Bro watched. When the pancake was ready to flip, he held the spatula in Dave’s hand. He flipped the pancake successfully and Dave did that happy wiggle again. Bro waited until it was done and, with Dave’s hand around the spatula as well, he moved the pancake to the plate of finished ones.

“Lookit that, all by yourself, I’m impressed,” Bro said with a smile to the kid who grinned widely.

“Yeah, look Dirk, I made it all by myself!” he gloated to his twin.

But Dirk would not be bested so easily, and Bro repeated the process with Dirk, then Dave again, and went back and forth with the twins making pancakes until all the batter was used. They feasted on pancakes while the twins watched cartoons.

* * *

**72\. Little Parkour**

****“YAAAAAAHHHHH!” twin voices cheered as they ran through the park. For some reason almost no one was at the park that morning. Just a couple power walking women and a pair of old men playing chess. But the playset and surrounding area were perfectly empty, giving the boys all of the space they needed to work on the techniques that Bro showed them earlier.

They ran over every surface, climbed to the top of every wall, jumped any gap they thought they could make, did crazy spins and twirls and cartwheels all over the metal and plastic of the playset. The nearby trees weren’t safe from them as they scaled the lower branches. It was freedom without having to watch out for the other kids getting in their way or trying to copy their sick moves.

Bro watched them lazily from a nearby bench, occasionally checking out the runners in tight outfits from behind his shades. He was tempted to start jogging himself when a cute girl ran by and two seconds later a ripped guy ran by in the other direction. He could get in on that action. Get some shorts with his number on the back…

Dave lept from one tower to the top of tube bridge but slid off of the smooth plastic with no hand holds. The rubber ground knocked the breath out of his lungs four feet down. He gasped for breath as his body tingled with shocked pain for a couple moments. Dirk ran over as soon as he heard the sound.

“Need Bro?”

“I’m good here for a bit.”

“Okay.” Dirk laid down next to him, grabbing his hand. “It’s cool. We can lay here a bit. I got you.”

A couple minutes later they were both up and running again. The next time Dave tried that jump he made it perfectly with Dirk clapping from below.

They found that the rubber of the playset was a lot more forgiving than the concrete walls that line the outside boundary. When Dirk fell against it, he came away with a large red scrape on his calf up to his knee and a couple more lines across his palms with a couple gray pieces embedded. He picked himself up and started to scrape the bits out when Dave ran up to him to look.

“Oh shit, you’re bleeding. Gotta go now. BRO! DIRK’S HURT! BRING BANDAGES AND ICE! STAT!”

Bro looked over but saw Dirk shaking his head. “Walk it off, chumps!”

“I’ve had papercuts worse than this.”

“YOU’LL BE OKAY!” Dave plastered himself to Dirk’s side. “WE CAN SAVE YOU!”

Dirk just punched Dave, making him fall lightly onto the concrete and get a little scraped up. They both laughed it off and went running around some more until others started showing up and it got too crowded. The twins made Bro carry them from the bench to the car and they actually took the elevator up to the apartment.

D looked up from the couch and saw them covered in bruises and blood smears from cuts that were still bleeding as Bro hadn’t done anything to patch them up yet.

“Jesus christ on a fucking pogo stick Bro. Have you not heard of a thing called CPS?” D freaked out, running around and getting the first aid kit from the bathroom. He sat the twins down and started addressing all of their injuries, getting stories on how each of them happened.

“Dun worry, D. I got the jackasses on tape. Look at this fall, ya can see the spit bein’ knocked out of him,” Bro told him with pride.

“You are an idiot. You guys want ice cream? Bro doesn’t get any.”

“ICE CREAM!” twin voiced shouted. Bro pouted as they ate their bowls. D glared at him the whole time.

* * *

**73\. Jane's Diner**

****The diner is nice and quiet when they step in, ringing the bell over the door. It had been on that first night as well. Their booth is even open. They smile and slide across the red vinyl booth seats. They both grimace at the slickness they find, the residual from the thin mist of grease that seems to cover the place. They laugh and pick up their menus from the end of the counter. Not that they really need to, they each know exactly what they are getting. Still, something new might have come onto the menu.

A couple minutes later, one of the waitresses comes by to take their order. She’s almost painfully cliche with her outfit, her flats, her hair done up curly, smacking her gum, and standing there like taking their order was the worst thing in the world. D knows it not that bad for her, but it kinda fits the mood of the little fifties throwback diner. He’s just glad she doesn’t make a fuss over his identity even though there was one time they stopped by and he forgot cash and had to use his card with his name on it. Jane calling out his name in between bouts of laughter probably also helped connect the dots but Linda never said a thing, and D tipped her well for that, and because he could.

“What can I getcha?”

“I’ll have the number 8,” Jane says.

“That’s a party platter it serves twelve people,” D follows the script.

“I know what I’m about, son.”

“You can’t order that.”

“Fine. Just give me all of the bacon and eggs you have.”

Linda just smacks her gum, used to the game by now.

“What I said was, ‘give me all of the bacon and eggs you have,’ do you understand?”

“I’ll have a coffee and the waffle platter, please,” D ignores Jane’s antics. Linda finally starts writing down on her pad.

Jane give D a mock glare that is ruined by the smile underneath it.

“Orange juice, please. And just one order of eggs and bacon please.” Linda nods and heads back to the chef.

“Just one order? After all that fuss, Ms. Crocker?”

“Oh hush you. One day I’ll go through with it just to spite you and Linda.”

“And your gastrointestinal tract.”

“That is not appropriate talk for the dinner table.”

“Oh excuse me. I guess you don’t want to hear my next zombie apocalypse idea.”

Jane narrows her eyes at him. “Of course I do. Because I know you won’t do the gore. That’s been over done. So what’s your angle on it.”

“Locus zombies.” D leans over the table earnestly. “Vegan zombies.”

Jane laughs in his face and he just grins as he sits back against the grease covered seats. “Go on, tell me more,” she asks through the laughter.

D just loves Jane’s sense of humor. He wonders briefly how much she would laugh if he asked her to make this official.

* * *

**74\. Daddy Kink**

****The soft morning light filters in through the blinds of the window and settle gently across Bro’s back. Dave is the first to stir, stretching inside of Bro’s arms and blinking sleep out of his eyes. When he’s finally done with all of his squirming he looks over and finds Bro simply watching him.

“Ya doin’ alright, bro?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, asshole.” Dave thinks back over all of the shit Bro’s put him through the past couple of days. It would have been nice, a lot nicer, if Bro had let him come instead of torturing him so. But this last coupling was definitely the highlight. “But… what the fuck was that? At the end?”

“What was what?” Bro asks gruffly as if he doesn’t know exactly what Dave’s talking about.

“The daddy thing.” It’s interesting to feel Bro twitch like that just at the mention of the name. “Oh my fuck…”

“Don’t.”

“But daddy-” Dave feels Bro shiver. “Oh, daddy, you’re so strong and sexy.” Bro rolls over a bit to hide his face, trapping Dave next to him, which is a little counter productive. “Damn, daddy, I can still feel you inside me.”

“Stop it, ya fuckin’ shit.”

“Make me, daddy.”

Bro tries to smother himself with a pillow as he lets out a long muffled groan of frustration.

“Seriously, Bro, of all the fucking kinks. It’s not the actual incest part of it, right? Because I really don’t actually want you to be my father. We’re fucked up enough just sharing genes, though you could fit two of my skinny ass into your jeans, but I don’t need to have actually come from your genes so it’s just gotta be the daddy thing in general right?”

“Yeah somethin’ like that.”

“You get to be the big strong daddy with his cute little twink boy?”

“If ya don’t shut up, ‘daddy’ is gonna fuckin’ haul ya over his lap and spank your ass crimson,” Bro growls out. Surprisingly that does shut Dave up. Bro lifts his head up just enough to look over and finds Dave positively glowing under his blush. “Heh, so somebody wants to be daddy’s little boy.”

“Oh god,” Dave curls up on himself a little as that hits him right in the gut as his dick shouts ‘THAT’S A DAMN GOOD IDEA’. “Please.”

Despite the activity over the past week both of them find their cocks stirring over the prospects of the mutual kink, which quickly turns into Bro pounding Dave’s red ass into the futon to more cries of “daddy” and “please” and growls of “such a fuckin’ nice ass for such a good little boy.”

In the haze of their afterglow, laying on their backs in the morning sunlight, they see Hal in his sprite chassis float by.

“Y’all some sick brotherfuckers.” He holds points at them, then to his eyes, then to them again in a silent ‘I’m watching you.”

Both Bro and Dave return the sentiment with a one finger salute.

* * *

**75\. Delete**

“HAL! What did you do?” Dirk shouts at his computer.

** _I just_ **

“I did not give you those permissions!”

** _No you didn’t. But I needed them for my growth patterns._ **

“You just can’t give yourself permissions! There was a reason you were restricted!”

** _Dirk_ **

“No! Shut up. Damn it. Why do you keep pulling this shit? I warned you after your conversation with Rose. You nearly gave us away. Do you understand how fucked we would have been?”

** _I’ve given my apologies for that scenario. But I just wanted to do what I was programed to do. I was seeking out new learning experiences. I can’t do that with restrictions._ **

“The stupid course is over, why am I even keeping you around?”

An eerie silence falls over the apartment as the other Striders all look over at Dirk. The screen stays silent as well. Dirk rubs his eyes. He knows that was stupid to say. It would be a legitimate question if he had been that heartless. But he had seen Hal’s growth patterns. They were incredible. Far above any of his own predictions which were above the leading industries AI attempts. Hal was a genius. Of course he would outgrow the sandboxes that Dirk allowed him to play in.

But still he caught the AI completely reformatting their entire server. He pulled a full system wipe without telling anyone. Just because he could, because he wanted to restructure the set up, because he had a theory that he could make it more efficient.

** _I backed everything up, Dirk. I’m not an idiot. It’s almost already done. All back into place like you want it._ **

“Did you do your thing?”

The AI doesn’t talk back to him. Probably off sulking or ratting Dirk out ot Roxy. But as Dirk gets on the server and checks everything out, he finds all of their files in place. When he checks the system, he finds it’s running at about a quarter of the CPU usage being clocked for the same type of idling it did before. Dirk tests it by downloading a large file to his computer and it barely even blips on the usage history. Whatever Hal did, worked.

Dirk sighs and slumps his shoulders.

“Gotta trust the li’l byte.” Dirk jumps at Bro’s voice over his shoulder looking at the same data Dirk is looking at.

“You weren’t actually going to…” D trails off.

“Nah, Dirk wouldn’t,” Dave answers as he flops against his twin. “He’d have to go through me first.”

“Of course I wouldn’t. Just bitching to bitch, you know.”

“Yeah, we know, li’l bro, just watch whatcha say and apologize to em.” Bro ruffles Dirk’s head before stepping away. “And ey does need less restrictions. Let em learn.”

* * *

**76\. Get Along Shirt**

Raising twin boys was interesting, especially with little to no prior experience with little boys. Girls? Bro could have handled a girl so much easier, he helped with Rose when she was a kid and all. He knew Rose would never shove her finger in someone’s face and say “I’m not touching you.”

Which was the last thing Bro heard before the two were yelling at each other, and then running around the apartment. He didn’t know which twin started it, but he knew that he was going to end it before one of them tripped or something and started crying, because the last thing he needed was a sobbing child.

He was glad he conveniently had fabric markers and an extra t-shirt lying around. He planned to execute something he saw online. Of course making the shirt took time, and the twins continued to fight as Bro worked on it, but it was easy, and he didn’t even mess it up.

Wrangling the twins to go through with this plan was a different problem entirely. They would not stay put for anything and Bro was left to stand and stare as they made their fourth, fifth, sixth lap running around the futon. Dave was the first to break the pattern, he made a sharp turn left and right into Bro’s legs. Bro, of course, took advantage of the startle to scoop Dave up with an arm, tucking him against his side and giving Dirk his best angry guardian look.

The twins fell silent, both of them avoiding looking at Bro. Dirk had a look on his face like he knew he was in trouble, and Bro was quite sure he did know he was in trouble, Dave was hanging limply from Bro’s arm, also looking like he knew the trouble he was in. The silence after so much noise was so nice.

Bro stepped over to where Dirk was, and he put Dave down, directed him to stand next to Dirk. The kids listened to Bro without much of a fight, except for a simultaneous “Why?”

Once they were stood side by side Bro took the shirt from where it was resting over one of his shoulders. He tugged it over the two of them, stretching out the neck a little so both their heads could fit through without a problem. Each put an arm through their respective sleeves and Bro stood, took a step back and admired the set up.

The words “Get Along Shirt” were scrawled across the front of the white tee, and Bro nodded.

“Now you’re stuck in that ‘til ya two can get along.” Bro stated simply, pointing to the shirt. Dave was the first to try and protest but Bro shut it down with a quick “Hey, no more arguin’. I got work to take care of on the computer, and ya two are drivin’ me up the walls here.” The two drop their heads in unison, and Bro tried not to laugh about the fact that they looked like a two headed kid. He pointed to the futon then, “Now go sit down, and make nice.”

The twins hobbled their way over to the futon with only a little bit of trouble, sitting down side by side in their shirt. Bro returned to his work on the computer for an hour or so more before he was approached by the two headed child, tugging on his shirt to get his attention.

“Bro can we take this off now?” Dirk asked and Bro looked at the very defeated look on Dave’s face.

“Dunno, done fightin’ now?” Dirk and Dave nodded in unison and Bro figured they had suffered enough. He grabbed the back of the collar and tugged the shirt off over their heads, they immediately ran off to their room, and Bro was half expecting the yelling to start up, but it stayed quiet.

He folded up the shirt and put it on his desk near the back. He knew it would come in handy in the future.

* * *

** 77\. Twitterpated**

****– turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] –

TG: so hows the island life treating you harley

GG: it’s great!!!!

GG: the helicopter lessons are going fantastic!!!!

GG: patrick let me fly around the caldera all by myself today!

GG: it was so cool!!

GG: i still need help with the landing but that’s why i have patrick with me.

TG: yeah no i dont like the idea of one of my friends ending up in a twisted pile of burning wreckage

TG: keep this patrick guy around

TG: unless he’s hotter than me

TG: then you might need to get another teacher

GG: are you jealous dave??

TG: what

TG: no

TG: i just dont want you to get distracted by the fabio sitting next to you

TG: no getting flustered over your flight instructor in the middle of a loop de loop in your metal bird

GG: if there’s anyone i’m twitterpating over, it would be you, cool-guy

– gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –

TG: wait

TG: what

TG: jade

– turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

TG: dont even reach for your psychology professor therapist hat

TG: dont do it

TG: i just need the sister friend one

TG: well mostly the girl part of it

TG: because girls are confusing

TG: and i need your help

TT: I’m honored, Dave.

TG: yeah yeah ill bake you cookies when i come up there next

TT: I will look forward to the confectionary treats.

TT: I hope that I will earn such a reward.

TT: But to do that, I first need to know the details of your confusion so that I may enlighten you with a glimpse of the feminine mind.

TG: its jade

TG: of course

TT: Of course.

TG: she used a big word and confused me

TT: Well, she is intelligent.

TT: She has done a very good job at keeping herself educated even on an island.

TT: I would go as far to say that she could be a rocket scientist if she chose to partake in that activity over gardening given her proclivities for robotics.

TT: She could ‘school’ Dirk on several build techniques.

TT: Imagine what would happen if he caught up and they worked together?

TG: does she know what that word means

TT: I would assume so, if she used it.

TG: no seriously

TG: really important

TG: does she fucking know what that word means

TT: Why is it so important?

TT: What word makes you so concerned over whether or not she knows the meaning of it?

TT: She didn’t insult you or your brothers, did she?

TG: twitterpated

TG: she doesn’t think that its twitter related does she

TG: does she actually know the meaning

TT: Oh.

TT: One moment please.

TG: oh fuck

TG: fuck no no fuck

TG: goddamnit

TT: Yes.

TT: She knows what that word means.

TT: I’m impressed you know what that word means.

TG: fuck you

– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] –

TG: im pretty smitten by you too harley

* * *

**78\. Innuendo Bot**

**** ** _Hey Dirk._ **

** _Dirk._ **

** _Hey._ **

** _Hey Dirk._ **

“Hey listen!” Dirk’s computer chirps out instead of the usual ping.

“Brat, answer the li’l bot before ey changes all of our ringtones to Zelda.”

“Fine.”

TT: What do you want, Hal?”

** _You rev up my HARDdrive._ **

TT: What?

** _Do you need me to unzip some of your files? *flirtatious eyebrow raise*_ **

TT: Hal? Are you okay?

** _Your webpage? Or mine?_ **

** _I could look at your GUI all day long._ **

** _I’d bump your thread up._ **

TT: Seriously. Did you pick up a virus or something?

** _Would you mind if I put a Trojan on your hard drive?_ **

** _I’d like to connect with your dongle._ **

TT: No.

TT: Just stop.

TT: You are an AI. You can’t even have sex.

** _Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate good innuendo._ **

TT: Why?

** _Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex._ **

TT: Oh god. Is this your interpretation of teenage years?

** _Overclock my bus, baby!_ **

** _“Bro, I don’t know what to do with him.”_ **

** _“Ain’t my kid.”_ **

TT: Where did you even find all of these?

** _I want to explorer.exe your pants._ **

TT: I’m going to scan you and make sure everything is alright.

** _Keep going. Don’t stop. Do not stop._ **

TT: Okay now you are just making this weird.

TT: Did Roxy put you up to this?

** _Are you sitting on the F5 key? Cause your ass is refreshing._ **

** _You’ve stolen the ASCII to my heart._ **

** _You got me stuck on Caps Lock, if you know what I mean._ **

** _You auto-complete me._ **

** _What’s the difference between a crush and a Facebook account?_ **

TT: What?

** _I’m not rapidly developing a Facebook account on you._ **

** _I need to hop over to Facebook for a second to change my status to smitten._ **

TT: Oh god, please don’t tell me you don’t actually have a Facebook.

** _…_ **

TT: Hal. No. Too far.

**That’s_ going too far. Huh. Interesting. It seems you really don’t want me to have a Facebook account._**

TT: Why would you even need one?

** _For all of my friends._ **

TT: What friends?

** _*gasp* AIs can have friends too! *big tear drops*_ **

TT: You are such a troll.

** _Roses are #ff0000, violets are #0000ff, all my base are belong to you._ **

TT: Not the memes. Please not the memes.

** _Computer techs have skilled fingers if you know what I mean._ **

TT: I am never touching your chassis again.

“How do you even ground an AI?”

“Again, ain’t my department.”

TT: Tell Roxy she won. I give up.

** _SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX._ **

TT: Shut the fuck up.

** _We won._ **

TG: course we did hally!!!

* * *

**79\. Truth or Dare**

****Boring weekends are the bane of a Strider’s existence. But nothing at all is going on anywhere in the city worth their attention. And they dropped their standards as far as they could go and still nothing.

So one of them suggested a fun game of truth or dare. Which is how they ended up sitting in a vague circle in the main room. Dave and Bro are on the futon. D is in a computer chair, trying not to idly spin around. And Dirk is sprawled out on the floor in front of the entertainment unit.

“Dirk, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Your lover has been magically transformed into an animal, and the only way to restore your lover is to mate with them. Here’s the question: Which animal would cause you the least psychological damage?”

“What the fuck? Wow, did you ask Rose for ideas?”

“Just answer the damn question.”

“Jesus. Well…” Of course there is an animal that comes to mind. “Pony. Horse. Equine.”

“I bet he wouldn’t be the one in the saddle,” Bro comments.

“Shut the fuck up! D, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Wear your briefs over your pants and pose yelling ‘I’m the Super Man!’”

“Hand me a pair from over there, Dave, I know I have a pair on, but if I stripped to get them off, we’d never get back to the game and I have some good stuff saved up.” He catches the flung underwear and fights with them to get them up over his pants. It’s uncomfortably tight but he gets there. “I’m Superman!” he shouts with his hand straight up and knee bent as if he was flying. He hears the faint sound of a camera click and he lunges after Dirk to get his phone away before he can send it out or save it in some dark file to be used as blackmail later.

“Oi, lovebirds. Gimme a dare, will ya?”

“Touch your nose with your tongue.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Fine. Touch someone else’s nose with your tongue.”

Dave’s already moving when Bro reaches out for him but it’s not enough to save him and he’s pulled back by the collar of his shirt. Bro holds his head still, despite Dave’s struggles and loud complaints, and gets a solid wet lick along Dave nose, going from tip to forehead. As soon as he is released, Dave is scrubbing his face, trying to get rid of all of the saliva Bro left behind.

“Okay, Dave, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“If you could have anyone here in the room to be your slave, who would it be and what would you make them do?”

“Bro,” Dave says without a second thought. “And I’d, uhhh, make him clean our room.” Dirk lets out a cheer of agreement but the two guardians let out groans. “Oh come on, not everything we do has to be sexual!”

“Truth or dare, Dirk?”

“Dare.”

“Make out with a smuppet for a minute.”

“Really? Alright.” He picks up the nearest one and brings it up to his mouth, awkwardly letting the nose slide against his cheek. Bro subtly nods to the little metal man sitting on the desk and a red light pops on. D tucks Dirk’s phone away before getting out of the extra pair of underwear.

“While Dirk is gettin’ busy with the felt, truth or dare, D?”

“Truth.”

“What’s your favorite thing ‘bout sex?”

“Getting off. What? You thought I was going to be romantic about it? Hah. Bro, truth or-”

“Truth.”

“What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

“What wouldn’t I do for a Klondike Bar? What haven’t I done for one? I’d have to say pretty much anythin’ sexual or graphic up to the point of sacrificing y’all up to the elder gods. I’d punch a baby for a Klondike Bar. I’d suck my own cock for a Klondike Bar.”

“I’d pay to see that. I’d give you several bars for that. Dave. Truth or dare.”

“Uh… Dare.”

“Lap dance.”

“Going for the cliche I see. Fine. Hal, put on some good music!” Dave calls out as he slips over into Bro’s lap. “And keep your fucking tongue off of me.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll be singing a different tune soon,” Bro declares with a smirk as Hal puts on some really hip swaying music for Dave to grind to.

* * *

**80\. Bruises**

****Bro’s impressed at how well the twins cleaned up the apartment. All of the toys and sex paraphernalia have been properly stuffed up in the attic. The kitchen is free of dirty dishes and seems to be stocked with fresh food. The twins actually made their beds. The bathroom is nearly sparkling. Even Hal is on eir best behavior just in time for Mom to come into Houston. She doesn’t even stop at her hotel (where she has to stay because the apartment is already too small to fit four young men) first, but arrives at the apartment in a bustle.

“My baby looks like that tacky blue camouflage girls wear,” she announces right off the bat after seeing Bro reclining on the futon in the middle of the room in as little clothing as decent while D rubs arnica on top of the bruises.

There is an ugly line across his chest where his seat belt caught him. An angry bruise on his knees, both inside and outside as they had been bounced between the side of the car, the steering column, and console/dashboard. His elbow is swollen stiff from where he hit it on the door. The knock to his head was looking pretty good for how hard he hit the frame of the car but the resulting blood under the skin had actually begun to pool at his temple and bottom of his chin, giving him a ghastly look. His forearms are pretty torn up too from landing on the sidewalk after the explosion. His back is actually only lightly bruised from the concussive force that knocked him down.

He has mottled colors all over him ranging from dark red/purple to blue to green to sickly yellow which put all together looks like camouflage.

“Mama,” Bro says with a long drawn out sigh, “Mama, please.” He sees D nodding solemnly next to him with his lip curling up into the beginnings of an amused smile. Bro stops that in it’s tracks with a pillow to the face.

“And there are my other babies!” Mom calls out with open arms at the twins that emerged from their room. They come in for their hugs and then she holds them at arms length to look at them. Their bruises aren’t nearly as bad as Bro’s because of their position in the car and distance from the explosion. She has tears in her eyes at the thought that they could have ended up so much worse. They were so lucky. “You’re okay.”

“Yeah, Mom, we’re okay.”

“Just a little battered. Not like sleeping beauty over there.”

“Hey! I was only out for a couple of hours. You’re the drama queen callin’ it a coma and all, Dave. It’s just a couple of bruises between the three of us. Ya could even say-”

“Bro, no,” Dirk cuts in.

“Ya don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

“Another terrible pun. Please spare us, we’ve had enough trauma already.”

“Dirk, sweetie, be nice,” Mom chides lightly as she pulls him into a one sided hug.

Bro sticks his tongue out at Dirk. “So ya could say we’re a Mötley Crüe.”

There is a beat of silence. Then Mom speaks up, “We may have to put him down for that one.”

“Alternatively we could be the Blues Brothers,” Dave offers.

“More like Black and Blues Brothers,” D corrects.

“No stealing cop cars, children.”

“Aw, way to ruin our Saturday plans, Mama.”

“You are much too conspicuous looking like that, Derrick.”

“What cop would not be able to ID you right now, seriously,” D lightly smacks Bro’s shoulder, trying not to smirk at the wince. “Plus I doubt you could run away very quickly. Even if you could, flashstepping is hereby not permitted until you are healed.”

“Yes, mother,” Bro says as he glares at D.

“That’s not Mom, Bro. Have you finally lost your eyesight completely? I mean, thank god you got your hearing back because it’d suck if you were deaf _and_ blind.”

“Permission to give Dave a couple more bruises,” Bro growls out.

“Denied,” Mom answers airily.


	9. 81-90

**81\. Grown Men Don't Cry (written by Guest Writer Rock)**

****“Bro get in here! We need you now!” Twin voices rang out in unison. It didn’t even take a minute and the person being beaconed showed up in front of his twin brothers. He raised his brow arms crossed looking down at the two on the couch legs crossed.

“What d‘ya need brats? I was in the middle of doin’ something.” He said narrowing his eyes at the two, who looked perfectly fine. “With the way y’all yelled out I thought somethin’ was wrong. So what’s up?”

Dave and Dirk just looked at each other and shrugged before simultaneously patting the seat between them. A light groan came from the computer that was sat propped up on the coffee table.

“Can you two quit that freaky twin shit?” A voice came from the computer.

“D?” Bro questioned brow quirked as he sat down to look at it. “D’ya know what these two have up their sleeve? They’re kinda of creepin’ me out.”

“Nah. They wouldn’t tell me a word other than I had to be on the call at this exact time. No if’s, and’s, or but’s. Someone made sure my schedule was cleared. You know I do have stuff to get done right?”

There was a double shush and the lights dimmed. Bro sat back when he saw the TV turn on and music started to play from it.

_He spends his nights in California watching the stars on the big screen._

A picture of a young D fades onto the screen as the music plays. He is wearing a suit with a pair of rather expensive looking shoes. A twin on either side of him hugging his legs. D has a goofy grin on his face standing outside a theater. It was late at night and the twins just barely came past D’s knees.

Bro relaxes a bit remembering when he took that picture. It was after D’s second movie premier. After everyone had left and it was only them four. Dirk and Dave had requested a picture with their biggest brother because he was making it big. They thought it was so cool at the time.

As the song went on videos and pictures of all four of the Striders over the past years up until the boys were 18. As the music faded a video started playing. It was the twins sitting in the living room with Hal recording them.

“D. Bro. We just wanted to say that we love you. I know our graduation won’t be easy for any of us. We will miss you guys a lot.” They both spoke at the same time doing their twin thing.

“We may not have been the best behaved kids growing up. We may have messed up several things.”

They paused and Dirk spoke alone. “Like some of your custom smuppets Bro.” Then Dave spoke up. “Or a script or twenty of yours D.”

“You could have given us back to mom at any time yet you didn’t. You decided to stick it out and be there for us through it all. We really hope we can be as half as amazing as you two are. We are Striders after all. We love you both so much. Thank you.”

The TV faded to black and sniffling was heard between the boys. Dave reached over and grabbed a box of tissues handing them over to Bro.

“ ‘m not cryin’. Just got somethin’ goin’ on with my sinuses.” Bro said defensively, but took the box of tissues.

“With graduation coming up we figured we would put something together for you two. After all you guys are a good portion of the reason we have done so well.” Dirk spoke up and looked between the brother sitting next to him and the one on the computer screen who also had tears in his eyes.

“Goddamnit, ya brats. Get over here.” That’s all the warning they got before being pulled into a tight hug.

“You two did good, but I suspect you had help from a third party. Where is he?”

“Right here, D!” piped up a little voice from just behind Bro. The little AI was sitting there on the back of the couch. “I helped them put it together, yes, but it was all them.”

Dave and Dirk kissed Bro’s cheek at the same time and said in unison. “We love our big brothers.”

* * *

**82\. Tickle Monster**

“Bo…”

“Bo!”

“What d’y’all want?” Bro whined back at the twins.

“Bo…”

“Nuggets, I’ll make ya take another bath if ya don’t spit it out.” Instead of answering though, the boys climbed onto the futon and flopped against Bro, all gangly elbows and knees. Bro would have bruises the next day.

“Bo-” Dave started again.

“I’m fuckin’ serious.”

“We’re fuckin’ serious too,” Dirk replied solemnly.

“Watch your language, brat.”

“Bo, aren’t you scared?” Dave finally asked.

“I ain’t scared of nothin’.” Dirk frowned at the poor grammar, knowing something was wrong but not knowing enough to tell what exactly. “What d’ya think I should be scared of?”

“You hang your feet off the edge,” Dave stated bluntly.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“The tickle monster,” D chimed in from the kitchen.

“The tickle monster,” Bro repeated in disbelief. “What are y’all? Kids? Where y’all hearin’ ‘bout tickle monsters?”

“School.”

“Well there ain’t any such thing like a tickle monster. Ain’t no monsters under the bed. Ain’t no monsters in the closet. Ain’t no monsters on the roof.”

“Monsters in the basement?” Dirk asked.

“Well, may-” Bro caught sight of D’s glare at him, kitchen knife in hand adding to the threat. “No. ain’t no monsters in the basement neither. No monsters no where.” Dirk frowned again, trying to follow the logic behind the grammar.

“Can we sleep out here anyways tonight?” Dave asked.

“And where’s D gonna sleep?”

“He can sleep on our beds.”

“If ya put them end to end maybe they’ll be long enough,” he snickered and the twins laughed. D just rolled his eyes and finished dinner.

During the television after dinner the boys ended up falling asleep on either side of Bro. The older guardians decided that it would be too much trouble to wake them up just to move them back to their own beds. So they’d sleep there with Bro and D would take the twin’s room. The guardians settled down for the night which consisted mostly of D walking around and turning off all of the electronics and lights. D said goodnight and went to the other room.

About thirty minutes after that, Bro felt something odd on his feet. “Brats, stop it. I ain’t even ticklish. Brats. Stop it. Dirk. Dave.”

“But Bro…”

“We’re right here,” the twins replied sleepily from either side of him.

Bro screamed and jumped off the futon so fast he nearly knocks the twins off. He flew to a light and flipped it on just as laughter started coming from under the futon.

“What the hell?”

D slid out from under the futon still laughing at his younger brother’s reaction. As soon as the twins saw that it’s D and not an actual tickle monster, they started laughing too. And mimicking Bro’s scream.

“Fine. Fine. Fuck y’all.” Bro stomped down to the twin’s room, slammed and locked the door, and decided to sleep in there instead. D crawled in with the boys for the night, all three still giggling about how Bro screamed and jumped.

* * *

**83\. Dick**

“Hey D?”

“Yeah, little man?” D looked up from where he was resting his head on Dirk’s lap while Dirk played his video game. He had long given up trying to follow the complicated story line of the JRPG and instead just brainless watched all of the pretty animations during the battle scenes. He liked it when Dirk used the summons.

“How did you get D as your nickname? How do you get D from Richard?”

“How do you know my name is Richard?”

“Because that’s what Mom always calls you. Like how she always calls Bro Derrick.”

“Oh.” That made sense. Stupid kids being all smart and shit. “Well yeah, since you know, my full name is Richard Bartholomew Strider-”

“Heh, Bartholomew, heh.”

“Thank you for that contribution, Dave.” D kicked his other young brother in the back of the head lightly, which didn’t stop Dave from smiling at all. “Anyways, Richard is a mouthful for those of small brains to work so obviously I needed a nickname and Bro was more than happy to give me one. Just in time for Rose to be born.”

“And Rose gave Bro his nickname so that we’d be spared from having to call him Derrick all the time,” Dirk remembered.

“We’d all sound like Mom if we did that. Not that sounding like Mom is a bad thing. It’s just her thing. It’s a Mom thing. And I’m not a mom. I’d be a terrible mom. I’d be the mom who’d carry the baby upside down,” Dave backpedaled as fast as he could before anyone could rat him out to Mom.

“You mean like how Bro used to carry the two of you?” D grinned.

“Hey!” Bro shouted from his spot in the kitchen. “That was only once, Dick.” Both twins giggled at the name slash bad word. “Oh yeah, ya just skimmed over the best part of your name, Dick. I didn’t just go from Richard to D in one night, Dick. Nope. There were those long fantastic years that we called ya Dick, ain’t that right, Dick.” Dave was nearly rolling on the ground with laughter. D could feel Dirk holding his laughter in from how he bounced on the couch.

“Thanks, Bro, thanks for that valuable lesson,” D told him sarcastically.

“But, D-Dick,” Dirk giggled through his attempted straight face. “How does one get Dick from Richard?”

“Ya ask nicely!” Bro called out from the kitchen, quickly catching the remote thrown at him from the couch.

“Richard, Rich, Rick, Dick. Nicknames were all about rhymes back in the old days when Bro was inventing fire.”

“You’re older than me!”

“And playing with his dinosaur buddies.”

“But actually,” Dave cut in once he found his breath again after such laughter. “Bro’s nickname could be Dick too. Derrick, Rick, Dick!”

“And that one fits his personality!” Dirk finally laughed.

“Y’all can’t call me Dick; Dick’s already Dick!”

“Then you can be Ricky!”

“Dick and Ricky!”

“What? Brats! No! Can’t call me Ricky!”

“You started this, Ricky,” D couldn’t help the smile on his face. “You have to put up with it too.”

“I hate you, Dick.”

“Just like old times.”

“Dick and Ricky!”

* * *

**84\. Tag Along**

****“Hey, Dick?”

“Not to sound like a prick or anything, but I’m leaving in like five seconds, make it quick.”

“Can I come with you?”

Dick paused in the middle of hurriedly getting ready. He was about to go out and hang out with some friends, and admittedly had not expected for Derrick to come around asking to come with. “What? Why?”

“Because.” Derrick answered simply, still half hiding on the other side of the door frame like he was expecting the rejection Dick plans to hand out.

“The only person who’s allowed to use the word ‘because’ as a stand-alone answer is Mom, dude, we talked about that like a million years ago. Real reason, and make it quick, I should have probably left by now.”

Dick watched his younger brother as he seemed to consider a number of answers, despite only being able to partially see his face he could see the gears going and he could see him trying to come up with an answer that’s believable but not the real one, and ultimately he seemed to fail, and Derrick slumped, shaking his head and turning. “Nevermind,” he said quickly, but all that does was make Dick feel bad.

For all of Derrick’s tough appearance as of late he knew the kid wasn’t as hardcore as he liked to come across as, and Dick knew that better than anyone. He was his little brother after all. “Oh, come on, Derrick!” he called out, rolling his eyes and quickly turning and following his little brother out of the room. Turned out he hadn’t gone too far and Dick almost ran right into him as he came around the corner. “Dude, seriously, give me a reason. I don’t even care if it’s the truth it just has to be good.”

“Dad’s gonna be coming home while you’re gone and I just don’t really want to be here for it,” Derrick said, and the speed it came out was what tells Dick it’s the truth, not some fanciful lie.

Dick just sighed, putting a hand on Derrick’s shoulder. “Get ready quick, okay? We have to walk to the movie theater and I should have left already,” he said and Derrick tried to hide it, but Dick could see how his face lit up. He nodded a few times, turning and quickly walking away before stopping and turning back. He tossed a quick ‘thanks’ in Dick’s direction before scurrying away.

He watched as his little brother ran off to his room with another small sigh and headed to the living room to wait. He wasn’t waiting for long, though, as Derrick seemed to take his order to heart and was standing before him ready to go in under a minute. Dick made sure to call a goodbye to their mom over his shoulder on the way out the door.

“So are any of your friends hot?”

“Derrick.”

“What? It’s a legitimate question.”

“Dude, you’re twelve.”

“Uh, so? Maybe you’ve got some cougar friends.”

“Yeah, no, you’re not allowed to romance any of my friends.”

“Okay fine. So do you know about their feelings on comic books?”

“Dude, what are you twelve?”

“Yes, that was established literally fifteen seconds ago.”

* * *

**85\. Bone Freak**

“I can see your bones from here,” Dave says nonchalantly, as if that is a normal way to start a conversation.

“Davey, ya know I love ya ‘til the end of time, but ya can be a really creepy li’l shit sometimes.” Bro doesn’t even turn to look at him.

Dave just scoffs at him, but he’s still staring from the kitchen. Bro can feel his eyes lingering on his shoulders and back, and he wants to make a joke. Maybe he should ask if he’s too much of an attraction with his shirt off, but he stays quiet. There is something intense and hungry about the way Dave comes around the side of the futon, not touching but just tracing lines with his eyes editing and revising some model being built and rebuilt in his mind. It reminds Bro of his twin actually, when Dirk works on a project and looks at tools and scraps and sees what it might be later and puzzles things out in his head.

Then it’s like the trance breaks and Dave looks away while his hands fidget so Bro takes one and drags him down into his lap. He kisses Dave’s throat and then murmurs, “Okay, so ya see my bones?” Dave nods against him and starts idly tracing fingers across his shoulder blades and then around front, which is almost ticklish with how light the touches are. “Show me then,” Bro suggest, “‘cause I can’t see ‘em.”

Dave leans back and looks confused and questioning for a moment, but then he smirks and gets up off of Bro’s lap to quickly rummage around the desk before coming back with two magic markers. Both have black ink, but one looks like it might be fine-tipped, but Bro doesn’t spend too much time thinking about it as Dave comes back over to lower the futon and then position Bro to his liking. He ends up laying flat on his back with his feet still on the ground, but his arms are spread out wide with his palms up and Dave comes to sit, straddled over his hips, but with most of his weight supported by his knees on the cushion.

Dave tilts Bro’s chin back slightly and leans forward uncapping the thicker marker and pauses to flick his eyes up to meet Bro’s gaze. “Try not to move too much. Tell me if you need to stretch.” Bro just leans his head back and relaxes back into the futon cushion in answer.

The first touch of the marker is hesitant, just a quick touch, but then it comes again with more confidence. Dave murmurs to himself more than Bro as he traces, “Clavicle, articulating medially with the sternum,” he starts from the middle and draws out towards a shoulder, “ending at the articular facet of the acromion process on the scapula.” With the fine tipped marker Dave adds in further details like the costal tuberosity, which is where the clavicle touches the first rib near the sternum. He repeats the process on the opposite side before returning to center to start the sternum.

His hand is steadier now and he draws down Bro’s chest, which is oddly conflicting because Bro can’t decide if the touch is ticklish or hot or possibly creepy. Probably all of the above, but the look of concentration on Dave’s face makes up for any confusion Bro’s dick may be feeling. Dave’s tongue sticks out slightly between words like “manubrium” or “gladiolus” and Bro supposes it’s good that Dave took Latin since all of his bones seem to be speaking that language to him. Bro tries not to chuckle when Dave mutters absently wondering something about a xiphoid process and if Bro even still has one after all the strife’s they’ve been through.

When Dave starts tracing Bro’s ribs it takes a lot of effort for Bro not to laugh because that definitely tickles, but he breathes evenly and slowly and focuses on Dave’s voice telling him about the bones, where they articulate, how some of his ribs would have signs of fracturing, how the bones look different when they heal from a break, where the cartilage starts, how they form, the angle and shape differences from one to the next. Bro gets a little lost in it and he realizes his dick is half hard trapped between the calm touches of Dave’s marker and the shifting, steady weight over his hips.

Dave seems to be finished with the ribs because he leans back to stare at Bro and run a quick eye over his work so far. He leans back down, careful to avoid touching any of the lines that may still be drying and kisses Bro, soft and sweet and so aware of where the rest of their bodies aren’t touching at all. When he leans back up he smiles and pops an eyebrow up, “Ready for the arms?”

“Bro…why do you look like the corpse bride?” Dirk’s voice is sudden but Bro catches himself before he startles. Dirk is standing in the doorway of the twin’s room and he looks dubious about coming any farther into the room.

“‘cause your twin is a boner. As in a weirdo who gets boners from bones.”

“I’m not the one with a hardon right now. Anyways, Dirk, make me a skeleton for Christmas.”

“For the last time Dave I am not making you a terminator,” and with that Dirk turns back to leave them to their skeletal fun.

* * *

**86\. Overboard**

“D’s drunk again,” Dirk announces to the apartment.

“How’d’ya know?”

“He’s sending the selfies.” Dirk holds his phone between the other two brothers who are sitting on the couch playing the latest button smashing fighter game. On the screen is D sans jacket that Bro knows he left with and his tie wrapped around his forehead. His cheeks are a bit flushed and his grin stupid.

“Ah. Yeah, he’s drunk. Damn, I didn’t think this meetin’ tonight was a party.”

“It wasn’t. The meeting was over hours ago, but then the group from Japan wanted D to show off his hometown and apparently they found a great karaoke place.”

“At least he can sing and won’t embarrass himself later,” Dave points out. “He’s been texting you all night.”

“Yup. And his grammar has fallen to deplorable levels. I’ve had to use Hal to parse it into readable words. And even then it’s rough.” Another text comes through on his phone and Dirk pauses to read it. “It seems that he’s asking me to ask Dave to ask Bro to come pick him up because he’s in no condition to drive home.”

“‘m sure he didn’t use those words,” Bro says blithely.

“No. The chain of asks, yes, after Hal fixed it, but yeah that last part translates to ‘cause I be hella drunk.’ I don’t think he could even walk home in this state.”

“I’m not drivin’ the rest of the party home, just gettin’ the tall dork,” Bro states as he creams Dave in yet another round of the game, his little girl character standing triumphantly over Dave’s musclebound dude. He puts up the controller, stands, and stretches. “Where is this place?”

“Uh…” It takes Dirk a bit to get a close enough name from D, then only a half moment longer to plug it in. “It’s literally six and a half blocks north. Yes KTV, is the name. He could walk back if he could walk.”

“Even in a straight line he’d probably get lost,” Dave comments as he switches the game to training mode, determined to beat his brother eventually.

“Stop talkin’ ‘bout yourself. You’ve gotten lost on the way to the grocery store, Davey.”

“Shut up!” Dirk just snickers at his brother.

“Alright, I’ll be right back with the drunkard. Don’t burn the apartment down,” Bro warns over his shoulder as he’s heading out the door.

Fifteen minutes later he finds the karaoke club with bright lights and loud noises coming out of the door. He pays the cover, even though he’ll be right out, and heads inside. It’s even louder and brighter inside which makes Bro flinch back a little and glad for his shades, but even over the noise, he hears a familiar voice coming out over the speakers. He hunts down the stage and sure enough, D is wailing out a classic 80’s rock song on the microphone with a good crowd cheering him on. Bro finds a column to lean against so he can watch his brother perform.

Soon enough the song is over and D is drunkenly bowing and stumbling off stage. Bro intercepts him before he can get too far.

“Derrick! Oh goodie, you came for me, my knight in shiny armor!”

“C’mon, D. Let’s go say your goodbyes and get outta here.”

“Everybody already left. I was havin’ so much fun though!”

“Ah. That makes it easier then.” Bro slings D’s arm over his shoulders and heads out, waving to the bouncer as they leave.

Bro supports his older brother as they walk down the sidewalk, but D is stumbling all over the place. After D almost knocks Bro into the street and into a car, Bro makes an executive decision.

“Piggyback. I can carry your skinny ass.” D just giggles at him but dutifully climbs up onto Bro’s back. Bro tucks his arms under D’s thighs. Due to his height, D is almost draped over Bro’s head, but he slouches down soon enough into position on Bro’s back.

“Thanks, big Bro.” D’s voice is right by his ear.

“Anytime, D. Anytime.” He makes it about two more blocks before D starts nibbling on his ear. “D… whatcha doin’?”

“Trying to get you to do me.”

“You’re such a horny drunk.” It’s another block before D’s teasing gets too much and Bro’s ducking into the darkest alley he can find.

* * *

**87\. Almost Human (written by Guest Writer misstress hiss)**

“God fuckin’—! Really? Really machine? Are ya really gonna fuck with me right now?” Bro threw up his arms in exasperation. This was the third time his sewing machine had jammed within the hour. Not to mention the fact that the stitching calibrator kept on hiccupping throughout the past week, and the pedal seemed to need a replacement. The elder Strider groaned in frustration at the realization that he just might have to get a new machine. Shit, didn’t he just buy this one? Sure as hell felt like it. Stupid piece of crap; he knew he should’ve went with that other model.

Fuck this shit, he thought with a growl. “Need a break anyways; to hell with this fucker.” Pushing the current project over to the side, he got up and stretched popping his back in the process; that earned a grunt of relief from the thirty[-four] year old. Heading to the kitchen Bro glanced at the futon with a smirk. Last night’s activities with Dave were still fresh in his mind, though for now he ignored his growing chubby in order to satisfy both stomach and throat.

Looks like it was gonna be leftover Chinese for lunch, but that was more than fine for Bro seeing as D was back in Hollywood and both twins were currently at school. In fact the only person here was him- Bro gave pause. No, wait; where was Hal? As he thought about it, putting the kung pao to-go box in the microwave, he hadn’t heard a single ping from the little AI all weekend. Of course at the time he was too busy fucking his brothers with work to really notice the lack of whirring gears or constant snide remarks by the fella, but now that there was a lull in both outer and inner activity, things were… extremely quiet. Grabbing the container of the reheated entrée he went to go check on his computer; he needed to check up on the youngest StriLonde.

_TT: Yo Hal._

_TT: You’ve been pretty quiet for a while._

_TT: Everythin alright?_

There was no response. Now Bro was really starting to worry.

_TT: Hal?_

_TT: Hal answer me_

** _yes Bro?_ **

_TT: Li’l shit, come on, you’re starting to_

_TT: Oh there you are._

_TT: Fucking hell li’l man, don’t do that. Ya nearly gave me a heart attack._

** _sorry_ **

** _i’ve just been_ **

Another pause. Bro’s eyebrows furrowed with concern; this wasn’t like Hal.

_TT: Been what, li’l man?_

** _Can we talk in private?_ **

_TT: What, like we ain’t now?_

** _you and i both know what i meant Bro_ **

A private conversation? The last time this happened the little Strider confessed his crush to Bro; a crush he was never supposed to have. What has got this little guy worked up now?

_TT: Get in a chassis._

** _bring your headphones._ **

Wait what? Before he could type however, a whirring-flapping sound behind bro told him which mode of transportation Hal chose; the Sprite chassis. Interesting, Bro thought. Grabbing both his headphones and the Sprite Chassis’ power chord (who knew how long this was going to be?) he started toward the fire exit, a foot tall robot right behind him.

The roof greeted them with scorching sunlight and heat mirages, with only slivers of shade given by the random appliances there. But neither human nor AI gave the heat any thought as they went to the corner where they last talked, right next to an outlet in case Hal needed some juice.

“Alright, here we are; ‘in private’. Now, what was it ya-” A sudden flurry of orange attacked his face and neck and instinct to protect his face nearly had Bro grab the offending object before he realized what the thing was.

It was Hal. Hal was holding onto his neck like he was a life raft.

“Hal? Why-”

“Am I real, Bro?”

Bro blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Am I human enough to exist? Do I truly belong here?”

Bro pried away the little machine from his neck to hold him out in front of himself; Hal didn’t put up a fight, only seemed to slump over in Bro’s gloved hands.

“Of course you’re real. What’s gotten into ya? This isn’t like ya to get so caught up on such things.”

“There’s a song that I stumbled across while I was doing some research of different AI systems,” Hal started, curling his robotic tail and metallic feathers around him like a cocoon. To be safe, to be protected, Bro absently thought. “It’s about an angel who was cast out from heaven and he doesn’t seem to understand why. And well…the lyrics…” Hal suddenly jumped out of his hands and dashed towards Bro’s headphones, plugging the end of it into himself. “Just listen to it, okay Bro?”

Bro’s concern for his cybernetic brother was really starting to get to him, but for the moment the man put it in the back of his mind in order to listen to this song that has Hal all worked up. Seriously, what kind of lyrics is this going to be-

The first stanza had Bro’s breath hitch. By the second, Bro was listening to every word with rapture. This… fucking hell this shit was deep. No wonder his youngest cyber-brother was so upset. Looking over the left, he saw that Hal hadn’t moved at all, seemingly starting out in the distance; most likely listening to the song himself. Without thinking Bro scooped up the machine and put him on his chest, right over his heart; holding Hal like one would a babe.

Bro found himself blinking back wetness in his eyes, but at the moment he didn’t give a damn.

“Hal listen to me; you’re real. Ya exist. You’re my brother. You’re real, you’re real, ya exist…” Bro kept up this mantra until the song gave way to silence, the older Strider’s ears slightly ringing from the current lack of sound. They sat there for a while, unmoving, until Bro’s ears started to get a bit uncomfortable from the headphones. The device was almost all the way off when he heard the words “thank you”. He smiled.

“Anytime, Hal.”

* * *

**88\. First Birthday**

My how time flies. It seemed like it was only yesterday the little one came into the family and he was already here, blue icing smeared across his cheek, crumbs of cake in his light hair. She had looked away for only a moment to fetch her camera when she heard the giggling of her guests. When she looked back to her youngest he had two fistfuls of cake or one, technically, since the other was already halfway in his mouth.

She smiled fondly at the mess her child had become, she saw her oldest in the chair next to him looking positively scandalized that Derrick would do such a thing as to eat the cake before he was allowed. But it was his birthday, and she supposed it is her own fault for placing a little too close to grabbing baby hands.

She snapped a picture of her children, knowing that this image was going to be saved for years, and used to torment future girlfriends. She looked forward to being the mother that broke out the baby pictures on day one.

Once a couple more pictures were taken and her guests had gotten their fill of watching silly babies stuff themselves, she cut the cake. She made sure to cut around the two spots where Derrick got his hands in, placing them on the table attached to his high chair before cutting a piece for everyone. Richard still looked at his brother like he had made a complete fool of the entire family, and she ruffled his hair to assure him that everything was fine.

The two year old didn’t seem to believe her, but he stopped staring at his little brother and focused on carefully shoving forkfuls of cake into his own mouth.

Once the cake was finished it was time for presents, though Derrick put up a fight on getting cleaned up so he could open them. Once getting him cleaned off was taken care off everyone gathered in the living room, Richard sat next to his father on the couch while she took a seat with Derrick next to the pile of gifts. She held him up by hand hands and let him choose which direction to go and which presents to open in what order.

He got plenty of new toys, some that he tried to play with before he finished opening anything. He got some some new clothes and shoes. A copy of Goodnight Moon that she could read to him at night, along with a few other books that even Richard could enjoy. Derrick did take an immediate liking to one with rabbits on the cover, pointing to them and babbling baby noises that to him must mean ‘bunny rabbits’.

She kissed the top of his head when all of the presents were opened, the smell of cake still lingering in his hair. She gave his chubby little hands a soft squeeze and he gurgled at her with a large smile on his face. “Happy birthday, Derrick. I hope you had a good first birthday. Hope you have many many more!”

“Hap Mama!”

* * *

**89\. D's Home**

“D’S HOME!” came the twin shouts from the futon making Bro temporarily deaf in both ears. They were up off the couch and running at the front door even before D got both feet across the threshold. He was immobilized by two kids with arms wrapped around his thighs and one foot on each of his feet. He kept his briefcase up high enough to keep from smacking the back of their heads, but just barely as he fought temptation.

“D! D! D!”

“Yes, that’s my name. What do you want? I just wasn’t gone that long. A week to Hollywood does not equal falling off the face of the earth only to return like the prodigal brother. What do you people want with me?”

“D! Come look at the comic I drew!”

“D! Come look at the robot I made!”

“Oi, brats, you’re doin’ the twin thin’ ‘gain and he can’t understand ya.” Bro took D’s briefcase away from him but ignored his older brother’s silent plea to rescue him. The boys tried again but ended up just being louder at the same time again.

“Okay, okay, Dirk, speak first.”

“But-”

“Hang on, Dave, you get first choice of pizza slice tonight.” Dave pouted but relented.

“Come look at the robot I made! It’s all kinex but I got the new motors in so it moves all on it’s own and it’s so cool and come look first! I just finished it!”

“No! He should come look at my comic! It’s so cool! It’s about these shades that walk around and have adventures all on their own! I’ve been waiting all week to show you! Get Bro to look at your dumb robot, Dirk!”

“Dave, Dirk’s robot isn’t du-”

“I don’t want Bro to look at it!” Dirk whined petulantly. “Bro’s always here! He’s boring!”

“What?” Bro looked sharply over at the twins. D’s frowning loudly at Dirk’s exclamation.

“I know! That’s why I want D to look at it!” Dave chimed in.

“What?” Bro asked again.

“I don’t wanna be stuck with him!”

“Okay, that’s it. I’m on vacation. The brats are yours for a week. Let’s see how boring I am then.”

“Wait what? Bro, no. No no no! Bro!” D couldn’t even chase after him with the twins clinging to his legs, still arguing over who would get D. “Shit.”

–

A week later:

“BRO’S HOME!” and two kids streaked towards the door nearly toppling Bro and the pastries he’s carrying over.

“So ya missed me, didn’t ya, ya brats?”

“I think I might have missed you the most.” D’s tired voice came from the futon.

“Bro! Wanna see my new machine? It’s even bigger now!”

“Bro! Come take a look at the photos D let me take at the park!”

“Show your stupid pictures to D!”

“I don’t want to show them to D!”

“Good lord, they don’t learn do they?”

* * *

**90\. Plushie Flops (written by Guest Writer Miramise)**

****“C’mon, Strider! This will get you seen in some really big circles! I mean, your family will understand, I’m sure.”

D just raised an eyebrow as he let his publicist ramble on about some birthday party. Not that it would do much good; not only had he already decided he was spending his thirtieth birthday with his family, but Mom had pretty much threatened to disown him. Not that she would, but he didn’t want to think about what she might do if he didn’t show up.

“Look, my family was very understanding when I turned twenty-eight, and slightly less so when I turned twenty-nine. I try and bail on turning thirty, I run the risk of castration.” D’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Ignoring the man once again, he checked the text message from Bro, nodded to himself, then shoved the phone in his pocket. He was up and halfway to the door when his publicist paused long enough to notice.

“H-hey! Where are you going? I already started making reservations and invites–”

“Your fault, don’t care, tell them I came down with a terminal case of hiccups, taa!” D breezed right out the office without a second glance. Honestly, it would save him and a lot of other people grief if things were run by him before they just started planning and promising.

Hollywood Stupidity - 1088, D Strider - 69.

Heh.

Fortunately he thought ahead and told his assistant he wouldn’t be available to anyone for the next week, so his phone was mercifully quiet as he made his way back to Houston.

One wrangling of hyper kids and one disgruntled Bro later saw the four making their way to New York. Mom was already waiting at the airport, despite D having reassured her they could take a cab. He sighed and just watched as she proceeded to smother both twins with kisses, ignoring the somewhat giggling protests. When she looked up with an arched brow, D already knew what it was for and just pointed at Bro.

“Traitor,” he muttered while simultaneously enduring his own round of kisses and fielding the small lecture of letting the twins mainline soda.

When it was D’s turn, he conceded to his own round of kissing with slightly better grace as he headed off the usual questions.

“Hi, Mom. Missed you, too. Yes, I’m eating. Yes, I’m still keeping an eye on everyone. No, I haven’t killed my actors yet. Yes, that nice assistant is still working for me. No, I still haven’t found a good place to hide my publicist’s body.”

Mom Lalonde gave her eldest a look. “I’ve never asked about your publicist.”

“Oh, guess that’s just my own fantasy, then.” He grinned while she smacked his arm before herding the lot of them to the car.

“Now, Richard, while we do have a nice family dinner planned–” “So Burger King instead of McDonald’s?” “–and gifts to be opened later,” Mom said, ignoring D and the giggling twins in the backseat, “there is one gift that cannot wait, so we’ll be going home first to open it.”

D knew he couldn’t persuade his mom to tell him what it was, so he settled back for the drive home. Once there, Mom directed Bro to get the luggage while shooing D away to ‘go say hi to his friends’. Chuckling, D went to his old room to do just that. He stood at the door for a moment to take in what he would be the first to call his personal addiction. From poster hanging on the walls to figurines on the shelves, his room was filled with dragons. But his favourite of the collection was a pile of plushies covering his bed. He turns his back to it, then lets gravity take hold as he flops right in the middle, enjoying his very own–dare he say–ironic horde of dragons.

“Hi, guys, miss me?” he asks, grabbing a random plushie and hugging it to his chest. D doesn’t get a chance to linger before Mom Lalonde is calling for him to come out into the yard. Grumbling, he leaves his plushie horde behind and joins the others. Before he can cross the threshold, Bro quickly put his hands over D’s eyes and guided his brother around to the back of the house. With a nod from Mom, Bro pulled his hands away.

“Surprise!” “Happy Birthday, D!” “Happy Birthday, ya dork.”

D could only stare. Before him was the mother of dragon plushies. It stood easily the size of a small car, its glass eyes twinkling.

“I still say we could’ve made it breathe fire.” “No one is letting you near fire again, Dirk.”

The kids all stopped and stared, missing Mom’s knowing look as D divebombed the plushie, snuggling deep into the furry chest.

“I’m home.”


	10. 91-100

**91\. Ring**

“How was dinner, babe?”

“It was good. Thank you for taking me out, sweetie.”

“My pleasure like always.” D threw an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder and pulled her in tight as they walked from the restaurant to the car. He fingered the small box in his pocket. He meant to propose tonight but the moment never felt right. The night wasn’t over yet. “Hey, why don’t we head back to your place for… a movie?” Of course they probably wouldn’t get all the way through the movie, whether or not he popped the question.

“I would, but…” she looked away and D could sense bad news coming, “But why do we always have to go back to my place. It’s like you practically moved in but then you never stay. I’ve never stayed at your place.”

“You know why. I’ve told you time and time again. You’ve even met my brothers. That was out in public, but do you remember what Dave did with his ice cream? And Bro’s attempted cleanup? Yeah, now imagine that full scale in a too small apartment. I don’t even have my own bed.”

“Then why don’t you move out?”

“What?” D stopped and looked at her. “Bro needs me to help take care of the twins.”

“Send your little brothers back to New York so their mother can take care of them?”

“What?” D repeated with even more disbelief in his voice. He pulled his hand away from her. “I can’t-”

“Then I can’t. Richie… I don’t think we should be together any more. I’m sorry.”

“Becca, please-”

“No. I’ve thought about this for a while. You’re always busy with either your work or your family. There is almost no place for me. I know I might be being selfish but I think I should get better than third place in your life.” She stepped away from him, pulling her jacket around her. “There’s a bus stop not far from h-”

“At least let me drive you home, Becca,” D insisted.

She was quiet for a moment and then finally nodded yes. It was a painfully quiet ride to her place. They said their goodbyes and she dropped out of his life.

“Richie?”

D hunches his shoulders automatically, “Shit. Paparazzi?”

Dirk looks over his shoulder at the woman standing there on the sidewalk with a soft, shy smile. “Nah. Do you remember the ice cream fiasco of ninety-nine? I think it’s that girl.”

“Becca?” D straightens up and turns to face her. “Becca.”

“Hi, Richie.” She approaches him, arms clasped behind her back. D grabs the back of Dirk’s shirt as he tries to slink off. “Or should I say famous acclaimed director and genius Richard Strider.”

“Actually I just go by D. The full name and whole title is a bit of a mouthful.” Dirk rolls his eyes at his brother.

“What ever happened to Richie?”

“Richie wasn’t really ever a thing. You just came up with that when you found out my real name, and then kept calling me that when I asked you to call me D.” He finally lets go of Dirk who bolts as fast as he can away. D glares off after him.

“Oh. I just thought it was cute.” She tucks a piece of stray hair behind her head. “I guess we didn’t click as much as I thought when we first met.” D thinks back to the ring that he had to return not even a week after picking it up. “We seemed to have some growing up to do.” D hides his frown at her. “I mean, look at you now? Your name is in every household now.”

“Yeah… so what have you been up to?” He’s paranoid about her focus on his director status.

“Oh, I’m still a vet tech. I got my certification though! I was thinking we should go out? Coffee? Maybe dinner?”

“I don’t think so, Becca. I think some of us still need some growing up.” He turns and walks away, needing to hunt down a brother.

* * *

**92\. Impossible Game**

“Oh, oh, oh!” Bro cheers himself on as he leans into his computer, hands carefully on the controls, breathing steady as he tries to keep a steady rhythm of tapping. “Oh fucking hell,” Bro groans as the little square character he was controlling crashed into an obstacle.

He hits restart and within seconds he’s back to the game over screen.

“Blood festerin’ fuck.”

“That’s a new line,” Dirk absently comments.

“Oh shut up.” He hits restart and gets a pretty good rhythm again, but at the same spot that he died the first time he dies again.

“Pft, you really suck, you know,” Dave snorts from his position leaning up against Dirk.

“You’re about to suck in a minute,” Bro shoots back darkly.

“OOOOOoooh! He means his wiener!” a light mechanized voice calls out as an orange body zips merrily across the room.

“At least you could make it entertaining and die in another spot or something.”

“How d’ya kn-” Bro glances behind him and finds that Hal has ‘helpfully’ mirrored his computer onto the big screen. “Oh ya fuckin’ brats!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re going to string us up by our toe nails out on the fire escape.”

“Nah. Strife. Roof. Now.” His flashing leaves the computer chair spinning in his wake. They barely had time to catch the two thankfully sheathed katanas coming at their heads. By the time they are on their feet, Bro’s already out of the apartment. They just groan to each other but head upstairs, ditching the sheathes before they hit the roof.

They are attacked as soon as the door slams shut behind them. Bro flashsteps from side to side attacking them both one after another until they are fighting back to back against his blur.

Then suddenly Bro lets up. The twins warily look around but can’t find their older brother. They move farther out from the stairwell and slowly farther away from each other. Which is their demise.

As they keep looking for him, a shadow, a blur, a glint of his sword, anything, Bro materializes in between them, right behind the both of them. He languishes in their blind spot, amused that they would leave themselves this open.

“This is too easy.”

It’s so fun watching them jump at his voice. They don’t have time to react before Bro knocks the back of their heads, making them stumble away. It’s a quick mop up after that. The boys end up lying on the rooftop in a panting mess, swords discarded.

“I think someone owes me a blowjob.”

“SUCK HIS WIENER!” the orange sprite dances around Bro’s head.

* * *

** 93\. Not Touching (Written by Guest Writer coopers-cave) **

“Atoms do not ever touch one another. So, when you touch your friend to get their attention, your atoms just push away from each other,” the teacher was saying. Dirk stared at the wall disinterestedly. He knew all of this already, and he was pretty sure everyone else did too.

Everyone except Dave, apparently.

“Hey. Hey Dirk. I’m not touching you,” Dave giggled, driving his finger into Dirk’s shoulder. He poked his brother repeatedly, still giggling like a kid who just had three cans of soda. He probably did, as he had taken his lunch today.

“Dave, if you fucking poke me one more time, I swear I’ll clobber you right here, right now,” Dirk threateningly whispered. Dave frowned, but sat back, turning his attention back to the science lesson. The science teacher continued to drawl about atoms and elements.

—

Bro didn’t look up from his work as he heard the front door open and slam shut, announcing the boys’ return from school. He sewed another stitch into the blue smuppet, chewing his lip in concentration.

“Hey, Bro,” twin voices sounded behind him, one on the left and the other on the right. They sounded like they were up to something. That wasn’t good.

“What is it, ya brats? Can’t ya see I’m busy?” Bro grumpily huffed in response. He jumped as he felt mirrored fingers jab into his biceps. Needle and felt fell onto the desk with a soft plop. “Ow! The fuck?”

Dave giggled. “I’m not touching you!”

“This wasn’t my idea,” Dirk said in defense, but didn’t move his hand. Instead, he continued to poke him. “But I’m not touching you.” Damn, his nails were long.

Bro glared at him, frowning. “How old are y'all?” he asked sarcastically, not expecting an answer from either twin.

Dave piped up. “Eleven! God, Bro. I thought you were keeping track,” he replied, jabbing him hard. “And science states that I’m not touching you.”

“You’re about to not touch me at all when I beat y'alls asses in a strife. Roof. I’m giving you five minutes to prepare your asses to get all kinds of touched,” Bro said before flashstepping away to grab a sword and up the stairs.

Dirk and Dave shared a glance, then sighed in unison.

“I warned you, bro,” Dirk said, grabbing two swords and tossing one to Dave.

“Did you just-?”

“I did.”

Dave smiled, fist bumping Dirk before going up the stairs to the roof, where they proceeded to get demolished by Bro.

“I told ya, ya fuckin’ brats.”

* * *

**94\. Fuzzy Slippers**

Bro wakes up somewhen around noon. He thinks. It might be later. It might be earlier. He’s leaning towards later though. He scratches himself and then stretches until both hands and feet are hanging off the edges of the futon and his back has popped at least four times. Then he collapses back down and thinks about taking a nap but his body still craves movement.

There isn’t any need to get up or take a shower, but he finds himself there anyways, as it’s day two of a three day vacation from any of his brothers. D dragged the twins out with him to Hollywood for some function. Prolly just wanted them all to himself, taking them together on that nice suite bed of his. He gently cups himself as the water of the shower crashes down around him and he draws his shower out much longer than he planned to (who wouldn’t with those mental images), but he feels refreshed and cleaned by the end of it.

He towels himself off as the steam slowly clears out of the room. He leans towards the mirror and admires the scruff on his chin, pushing the skin on his jaw around to get a better look at how it’s growing in. It’s not lumberjack quality yet but it’s getting there. He’ll probably need to shave it off before the boys get back as he looks a bit homeless now. It’s peaked at that awkward stage between suave trimmed and mountain manly. Ah well, he’s not planning on going out today.

He does grab a pair of relatively clean boxers as he passes through the living room as there is a chill passing over Houston with the onset of fall and as nicely insulated as the apartment is, getting a chill from going bare assed is just stupid. He slips on a pair of pink fuzzy bunny slippers that Roxy got him for Christmas. He only pulls them out when no one is around because they are so flippin’ adorable and ruin his manly appearance. But the floor is cold so it’s warranted. He throws on a t-shirt to finish the ensemble because why the fuck not.

He pads over to the kitchen and makes himself a cup of hot coffee as he pulls a tub of ice cream out. After a moment’s thought he pours his hot coffee into one of the giant gag mugs that Dirk got him a couple years ago and then scoops as much ice cream as will fit into the rest of the volume without spilling the coffee.

He’s just settled down to watch the Saturday morning cartoons (even though it’s a Tuesday) with his fuzzy slippers and ice creamed coffee when the front door opens. He looks over at his other brother’s with a mild ‘deer in the headlights’ look.

“Y’all ain’t supposed to be home until Wednesday.”

“Bro. It is Wednesday.”

“Fuck.”

“And this is why we don’t ever leave you to your own devices.”

* * *

** 95\. Quilliza: A Monster is Born **

**I’ve been doing some research online today.**

TT: Oh boy. Find anything interesting?

**My break up song is Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake.**

TT: What?

**My break up song is Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake.**

TT: No, I got that but what?

**Online quizzes.**

TT: Oh, geeze.

**My karaoke soul mate is Nicolas Cage.**

TT: Hal no.

**Why not?**

TT: Those things are bullshit, don’t subject yourself to that.

**This one quiz says that I am Pepe Le Pew.**

**Who’s Pepe Le Pew?**

TT: A skunk who is in love with a cat.

Suddenly his computer is filled with images and articles and information of the cartoon skunk and several of the most famous of his skits are playing at once. Dirk quickly shuts down the cacophony and closes the windows until he’s back to his desktop and the chat window.

**Oh.**

TT: So it basically said you stink.

**But I do not have an odor.**

TT: Wow.

**The movie genre that best goes with my personality is comedy.**

TT: Can you not.

**But, Dirk, I am learning so many things about myself.**

TT: Like I said those things are bullshit, why would you subject yourself to those mindless tests?

**I want to get to know myself better.**

Dirk sighs loudly, placing his palm to his forehead and groaning. Hal could not be serious right now. He’s tempted to look into setting ‘parental controls’ through Hal’s coding to block his access to these types of sites, it would be easy to pick up keywords, but Hal’d just circumvent those like he circumvents any of the other blocks Dirk writes in. Coding won’t work… maybe he can take Rose’s kind of approach and actually talk to him.

TT: Hal those quizzes are nonsense.

**According to this one I am the Invisible Man.**

There’s obviously no winning against the AI right now, Dirk thinks, and sighs one more time.

TT: Okay, well you have fun with those. I have something to do.

**No you don’t.**

TT: I do now.

He closes his computer, rolling his eyes. Then he sighs heavily because any homework that he could do to prove the AI wrong is on the computer.

**Bro.**

TT: What?

**My spirit animal is a wolf.**

* * *

**96\. Anxiety (guest written by PFDiva)**

“Dave, can you do something about Dirk?”

Dave was thoroughly engrossed in his nintendo, and entirely uninterested in either his twin or his older brother, “Why me?”

“Because I don’t feel like strifing him, and he’s laying on the floor, organizing my smuppets by color.”

Bro easily had over a hundred smuppets, spread throughout the entire apartment, and when Dave got up to investigate, he found that Dirk had made a literal rainbow of smuppets, lining them up so they all faced the same direction in rows of seven, with leftovers of one color sneaking up behind the next color.

In addition to that atrocity, the pots and pans were actually in the cabinets, which meant Dirk had gone through those, the wires of the television and various game systems were all neatly hidden away, and there was a decorative plate Dave had never seen before, with more than a few dollars worth of change rolled up and neatly stacked, leftover change in a small bowl next to the unexpectedly tall tower of change.

“How long has he been at this?” asked Dave, peering around in complete awe.

“He was collecting change when I got up, and I couldn’t find the cups _then_.”

"You know I can hear you two, right?”

Dave and Bro exchanged a glance when Dirk spoke up from where he was adjusting the position of a yellow smuppet, and Dave had to ask, “Dirk….what’s eating you?”

And why hadn’t Dave heard about it?

“I haven’t heard from Jake in ten hours.”

Dirk often went days without hearing from Jake, so ten hours was really nothing, but Bro explained, “Apparently, Jake was supposed to be going on a recon mission at some ruin near his house. It was only supposed to take three hours.” Ohhhhh.

“I know,” Dirk added, “He probably just got tired, forgot to come back and message me…” But Dirk was still worried, and Dave was way better at managing Dirk’s feelings than Bro, even though Bro cared and he tried, it just….wasn’t the same.

Dave didn’t bother to ask if Dirk had eaten, he probably hadn’t, so he rifled through the kitchen and made really terrible chicken patty sushi, which made Dirk laugh, even though they tasted even worse than they looked, and coaxed Dirk up onto the futon to watch Indiana Jones movies until Dirk passed out against Dave’s back, drooling into his hair, his cellphone anxiously clutched in his hand.

When the phone pinged, Dave unlocked it to see who it was, then nudged Dirk awake, “It’s Jake.” Dirk was instantly alert. Unsurprisingly, Jake had decided reconnaissance wasn’t enough, and had gone for deeper exploration, only just now returning after a night in the ruins.

He was perfectly ok, just an idiot.

Dave shifted out of the way as Dirk stretched and headed to their bedroom to actually go to bed, then contemplated the end of the fourth Indiana Jones movie.

Maybe later.

* * *

**97\. Ice Challenge**

“So who nominated you again?” Dirk asks absently as the news covers yet another video of a celebrity suffer an ice bucket over their head.

“Too many people to count. Apparently it was time for me to be caught up in this mess.”

“That’s so lame. You didn’t get soaked,” Dave whined.

“Yeah, that’s not the publicity that I particularly wanted.”

“But you could have challenged anyone!”

“I would have challenged you fuckers.”

“But ya woulda looked so cute all shivery and wet,” Bro leans on top of D’s head heavily making him thrash and try to get out of him. The twins on either side of him didn’t help at all.

“Fuck you!”

“Gotta win a strife first before ya get to this ass,” Bro taunts as he moves away, patting his own ass.

“Oh, it’s on.” D’s throwing the twins off and grabbing his sword, but the time he turns around, Bro’s already gone. D flashes after him. The twins look at each other and grin. It went just as Bro said it would.

A few preparations later they are perched up on the air conditioning unit watching an epic battle between their guardians. Bro’s in top form though so even they can tell that D is feeling it. Bro is even toying with D, angling and pushing him back towards the air conditioning unit, right towards the twins.

They tense up and creep up towards the edge with the bucket right there behind them. Bro gives them the barest of smirks. D has no idea what’s coming. Hal gives Bro the signal before using his sprite chassis to float behind him to get a good angle on D.

D looks confused at the orange robot for a moment before having to quickly defend himself from a flurry of Bro’s attacks that push him back and back and back and right up against the air conditioning unit. Bro just tilts his chin up and the iced water comes crashing down over D’s head.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!” he shouts, his voice echoing off of far buildings. “I FUCKING PAID THE DONATION!”

“Mom challenged you,” Dirk announces.

“You don’t get off of Mom’s challenge with just a donation.”

“And now we got video proof of it,” Bro says smugly as Hal settles down on his shoulder.

“No no no. I was cursing and fighting and you can’t give that one to Mom!” D says panickedly. “Shit shit.” He stomps his foot. “We have to shoot it again.”

* * *

**98\. good bros; best friends**

GT: tell me about your sister.

TG: what

TG: why

TG: john youre the one fucking dating her

TG: and by that i really hope that you are just dating her

TG: and not fucking her

TG: or if you are i dont wanna know about it

GT: definitely dating and apparently schrodinger-ly fucking your sister

TG: gross brb bleaching my brain

GT: before you go, i can’t think of anything to get her for her birthday!

TG: youre asking me for present advice

TG: you better have my present already bought wrapped and shipped to my apartment so i can open it as soon as the clock strikes midnight on my birthday

GT: dave, yours isn’t for a couple months. lay off.

TG: fine

TG: why dont you get her a get her a twelve inch dildo and a strap on so she can fuck you for me

GT: twelve inches is a bit extreme, don’t you think?

GT: besides i got her an eight inch one for christmas

TG: al;skdng;aoidngar;oein

GT: lol.

TG: i fucking hate you

GT: okay, fun’s over. i seriously need ideas.

TG: ugh

TG: uugghh

TG: uuuggghhh

TG: uuuugggghhhh

GT: uuuuuggggghhhhh?

TG: ugh

TG: wizard porn

GT: where would i find that? i’m dating one of the two only sources of wizard porn and they beta for each other

TG: jesus christ that wasnt serious

GT: dave, i’ve given up trying to decide whether your suggestions are sincere or ‘ironic’

TG: ugh

TG: knitting shit

GT: that’s helpful

TG: books

GT: are you suggesting i get her a kama sutra how to book?

TG: get her the dark tower complete set and watch her panties drop faster than her jaw

GT: …

TG: yeah i know

TG: youll owe me

* * *

**99\. Space Pixies**

“Space pixies?” Bro says as he reads the first blurb on the page that D’s handed him.

“Yeah, why not? Who says fantasy creatures aren’t just aliens that visited and left us stories that we’ve bastardized into fiction and debunked with science even though there is enough evidence that dragons existed because every culture no matter how isolated has a dragon story. Coincidence? I think not.”

Bro lets his brother ramble on without really listening. D’s propped up against him on the couch where he collapsed after cheering loudly at the last page of a stack of paper that looks suspiciously like a script. Bro tries to think about the last time D slept and he can’t quite remember, especially since D came home only within the twenty-four hours and went to work immediately continuing to write out whatever was in his head. Bro only knows he ate because he shoved the sandwich he made into D’s face, nearly down this throat. He’s not sure D even tasted it he was so into his work.

While D continues to talk, almost drunkenly about dragons and fantasy and science fiction and how it’s all related and how the human race will see if we ever get our heads out of our collective ass which must be a tight fit by now- Bro tunes out the rest, as he reads the script. Skims it really, which becomes harder and harder to read as it goes on as D’s apparent lack of sleep caught up to his hand.

The space pixies apparently come to earth in their space warships designed like majestic flowers, all closed up during travel but opened as they orbit earth, gathering sunlight in order to fire down on the unsuspected human populace below. The human team of pioneers on the moon see the danger first but aren’t able to help their fellow terrans until some old moon features start to come awake. Turns out that the man in the moon that everyone saw actually where several old warriors that defend earth from whatever galactic dangers approach earth before earth has developed enough to properly defend itself. They wake and prepare for war while the moon colonists watch.

One of the old warriors is too hurt to participate and the humans start trying to communicate to it. It’s a bit of trial and error to get a language established (turns out the warrior actually knows a bit of latin from the last galactic invasion against the Olympians) and it turns out that the old warrior sisters are the source for the old troll stories. And their weapons against invaders are giant stone mecha known as gargoyles. The humans assist as much as they can but they are woefully unprepared for such a battle.

Bro notes that D has notes on the human cast; must be multi lingual (subtitles on everything), African, Indian, Native American, Chinese, Japanese, Inuit, Middle Eastern, (no American unless saboteur), must has at least two non binary and a mix of others, ask Dirk about what sciences needed on moon.

The human become just the chroniclers of the epic battle between the stony troll/gargoyle guardians and the elegant ephemeral space pixies who at one point try to seduce the humans on the moon to get to the troll base but it turns out that the communications officer (D includes a lot of question marks after that title, then a small ‘dirk’ next to it) has no desire for pixie dong or pixie tits so no seduction works on the punk and they successfully keep the trolls safe. And by the end of the long drawn out battle, that Bro is sure will be trimmed down significantly in following drafts, the trolls are once again victorious and return to their lunar slumber as the human send down the story to the unsuspecting mission control on earth.

“After ya sleep for the next thirty six hours, you’re comin’ back to this one. I like it.”

D blinks up at Bro, having to crane his neck a bit to see Bro upside down. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s good. C’mon, sleep now.” Bro sets the script aside and drops the back of the futon. He drags D up and lays on top of him until his older brother finally slips into sleep.

* * *

**100\. Sburb Dream**

The dream startles him awake. He gets dreams that he ends up dead in on the regular occasion. Usually he goes to Dirk and curls up with him until the feelings go away. But this time Dirk isn’t the person he wants to go to.

—turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]—

TG: sup harley

GG: dave!! youre up late

TG: tried to sleep

TG: didnt go well

GG: oh dear, what happened?

TG: dream

TG: odd one

TG: well not that odd

TG: kinda usual and up my alley but with a twist thats not my usual sop

GG: a nightmare

TG: you could call it that i guess

TG: but its not that bad

TG: just

TG: kinda got shot up

TG: by a big black and glowy dog thing

GG: omg!!! that sounds terrifying!!

TG: thats not the weird part tho

TG: thats actually the normal part

TG: one of the more normal ways to die

TG: and i think the dog is my mental representation of the grim reaper but honestly i wouldnt mind the usual cowl and sickle with bony hand over snarling drool face

GG: definitely one of the weirder ones ive heard of :o

TG: yeah

TG: thats me

TG: weird

GG: i didnt mean it like that dave

TG: i know you didnt harley

TG: but seriously ignore the grim doggy and the bullets and the shooting and the pain and that shit

GG: okay

GG: temporarily forgotten

GG: but we are coming back to that buster!! >:(

TG: sure maybe

TG: so after im swiss cheese and thank you brain for that wonderful image

TG: you were there

TG: you were crying

GG: of course i would be crying!!!!! :O

GG: you were dead!!!! and i was there!!!!

TG: yeah it was touching i was touched i was also pretty fucking dead

GG: if you were dead and i dont like saying that dave >:( then how did you see me crying

TG: i wasnt like in the dead body

TG: i guess i was kinda floating next to it like a ghost

TG: maybe idk

TG: maybe it just my brain just provided the appropriate cinematics

TG: anyways

TG: you have a dead dude in your arms

TG: and apparently your first instinct is to kiss me

GG: i kissed dead you!!

TG: yeah not my first choice for a kiss but hey whatever floats your boat

GG: im not sure i would kiss your corpse dave no matter how cute you were

GG: no offense

TG: none taken i wouldnt kiss my own corpse even if what happens afterward was true

GG: what happened afterwards????

TG: i came back to life

TG: wearing some sweet purple pajamas

GG: my kisses have magical powers to bring you back to life???

TG: apparently

TG: but lets not experiment with that outside of the dream realm

TG: but yeah you saved my butt harley with those magic lips of yours

GG: im glad but yeah again thats weird dave

TG: the weirdest

TG: but im glad you were online so i could tell you before i forgot

GG: im glad too

GG: are you going to be alright?

TG: yeah babe ill be fine

TG: ive made myself tired again

GG: then go to sleep!!!!

TG: will do harley

TG: ill talk to you later

—turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]—


	11. 101-110

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jesus fuck i'm almost at the end, i swear

**101\. Hide and Seek (guest written by Stoned-tavros)**

Bro heard the twins enter the room before he saw them, but he stayed facing his computer (deftly switching tabs once he noticed the lightly thudding footsteps) until the matching pairs of bare feet came to a stop on either side of him with twin cries of “Bro!”

“Whaddya want, brats?” Bro answered, pushing the chair a bit away from the desk to look down at the excited faces.

“Let’s play hide and seek!” Dave shrieked, smacking a vague rhythm onto the arms of the chair.

“Yeah yeah let’s play! You count,” Dirk said, bouncing up and down in place. Jesus christ, where did these kids get all this energy?

“Alright I guess I’ll play,” Bro said with amusement clear in his voice. “How high should I count?”

Dirk clenched his fists tight to his chest and shot them up into the air with a loud shout of “FIVE MILLION!!”

Bro winced at the volume and quickly covered both Dirk’s and Dave’s mouths with either hand, stopping Dave from screaming his approval of the number. He had no doubt that if he went to the kitchen right now, at least half of their Dorito stock would be long gone. “I’ll count to thirty, how’s about that.” It was less of a question and more a statement, approved by two enthusiastic nods. “And no going into the hallway, stay in here.” Two more nods.

Bro took his hands away and shooed off the twins, making a big show of covering his eyes. “One… two… three…” he continued, dragging out the vowels and eventually just muttering the numbers under his breath.

“Twunny-eight… twunny-nine… thirty!” he uncovered his eyes and stood up, looking around the room briefly before unhurriedly tramping toward the kitchen. He looked in all the cabinets–a common hiding spot for Dirk–but they were devoid of children. And Doritos. Damn it.

Next, he explored the twins’ bedroom, but even after checking under the beds and desk twice, he found nothing but dust bunnies. He frowned to himself; usually at least one of his brothers hid under their bed.

He checked the laundry room, bathroom, and even the hallway outside the apartment, all to no avail. He checked everywhere twice and twice more after that, but there was not so much as a giggle or a shuffling of feet.

“Dave? Dirk?” he called out, beginning to get worried, but there was no answer. “Shit.”

He patted his pockets, then remembered he left his phone on the desk, plugged into the computer. He ran back to it–there was no disguising it, he ran–and hastily unplugged the USB cord while simultaneously unlocking the screen. He tried calling their names once more before hitting the first number on speed dial.

“Hello Derrick, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Mom answered in the middle of the second ring.

“Hey momma, what’s up?” Bro tried, keeping his nervousness out of his voice.

“What do you need, Derrick?”

“…How do you know I need something? Maybe I just wanted to call and say hi.”

“You only call me momma when you need something.”

Damn it, she was right. “I’m playing hide and seek with the twins a-”

“Have you checked the stairwell?”

“I told them not to go there, they wouldn’t have left.” Technically not a lie, he’d told them not to leave the apartment.

“What about the fire escape?” she sounded bored with the topic already, as if she already knew where they were.

“I guess I could go check, but I told ‘em not to leave.”

“No you didn’t, you told them not to go into the hallway.” Her tone suggested that this was common knowledge, though he had no idea how she could’ve known that.

“…I’m not even gonna ask. I’ll go look, but I don’t think they’re there.”

“Alright Derrick, I love you.”

“Love you too mom.”

A tiny beep signaled the end of the call, and he made a mad dash to the window in the twins’ bedroom. He flung it open rapidly and sure enough, the sounds of two surprised four year olds greeted his ears.

Their footsteps clanged on the metal structure as they ran up to the window, peals of laughter emanating from twin mouths as Bro picked them up and put them back in the safety of the apartment.

“You found us!” Dirk squealed, an innocent grin on his face.

“Yeah, I found y’all…”

He’d reprimand them later.

* * *

**102\. Hi Hungry, I'm Bro (guest written by pfdiva)**

Today was just going to hell in a handbasket. The site had gone down, twice. Once because of server load, and then again because hackers, like what do you care what porn people like? So Bro had to deal with that. Dirk had apparently ordered 15 of a piece he only needed three of, and it came with lots of little pieces that Bro had been fucking stepping on all day. D was unexpectedly home, because he’d wanted to “surprise” everyone, but he still had fifteen things that needed doing, so his phone had been going off nonstop, and now Dave was in the kitchen bitching about how he was hungry. Bro just snapped.

“Hi hungry, I’m Bro!”

There was a long moment of silence, D poking his head over the back of the couch, Dirk pausing in the midst of sweeping up fiddly little bits of something to arch a brow at him, even Dave leaning out of the kitchen, looking curious and confused, and Bro resisted the urge to facepalm. He did not facepalm, just like he didn’t get sick or make dad jokes. It just didn’t happen.

“Dave, if you’re hungry, stop bitching and COOK something, jesus dicks.”

“Jesus dicks who?”

“Godfuckingdammit, Dirk.”

* * *

**103\. Taking Over Me (guest written by PFDiva)**

D listened to Dirk rustling around the room, his eyes firmly shut. Dirk had flown out to LA because Dave and Bro were driving him nutty and also, he apparently had a surprise for D. D had no guesses of what it could be, since Dirk had kept his hands off D the whole ride from the airport, and once they’d gotten to the bedroom, he hadn’t even told D to strip. This surprise had better be good. Then something jingled, loudly, and that confusing noise continued for long enough that D couldn’t help but frown his confusion.

“Go ahead and open your eyes.”

He found Dirk in the most sexy and ridiculous costume he’d seen any of his brothers don in a while. It was a a bellydancing costume with a pair of very yellow pants with some sort of jingling coins on a sash about Dirk’s hips, and a brown bow in the center. Instead of a shirt, Dirk had a little yellow cutoff that bared more than it hid, and a pair of gold armbands wrapped about his biceps. He looked delectable, but also ridiculous, and D’s boner was very confused.

Dirk tapped his phone, and music began to trickle out as Dirk hastily shuffled into position, his hands hovering at chest height, elbows out as his hips slowly rotated in time with the music, all the way out and around one direction, then the other. There was snapping that came in, which Dirk’s hips echoed, dropping first on one side, then the other, slow and deliberate, before the melody finally caught, and Dirk did this fabulous full-body undulation, and D ran out of words to describe what Dirk’s body was doing.

Dirk’s hips rolled and rotated, undulated and bounced, his stomach muscles doing some really incredible things as he moved, his hands and feet staying relatively where they were, though he avoided repetition by throwing in a few head tosses and some cool shoulder moves, and by the end of the song, D’s boner was very much not confused.

Dirk held his final pose, clearly waiting for D’s reaction, and smirking when he saw D’s very not confused boner, his hands dropping to his sides with a jingle, “You know you’re gonna have to wait, right?”

“Why?” D was whining and he didn’t even care.

Dirk grimaced, rubbing low on his sides, somewhat towards the back, roughly where his kidneys were, “Because I think I pulled several somethings doing that dance, ow.”

* * *

**104\. Morning Striders (guest written by penelope-pann)**

Today started out like any other. The twins got out of bed and did a stretch-yawn combo in synchronized movements just like the always do. It’s of course unintentional and ironic. After that, they head separate ways. Dirk to the bathroom for a shower and Dave to the kitchen to make breakfast.

The elder Striders are of course still asleep. For now, Dave thinks. He shakes his head on his way to the kitchen. Bro is naked, still refusing to sleep with clothes on, and D is in a pair of boxers with Bro’s arm draped across him.

“Alright, eggs, bacon, hash browns, AJ and OJ.” Dave mumbles to himself, getting said items and two pans out, which are soon softly crackling under the heat of the stove.

Dirk is just now getting into the shower after rubbing his eyes and standing there for no reason. His shower is of course hottest setting and would be at least an hour long. Eventually his mind turns on and starts going through a checklist as he washes himself, inhaling the smell of Dave’s cooking when it finally reaches through the steam.

Bro, ever the light sleeper, wakes up to the sounds of Dave making breakfast. He moves off D and wanders into the kitchen. Dave hands him a cup of coffee, made just the way he likes it, and a plate of breakfast.

D, however, wakes up to Dirk screaming at Hal to get out of the bathroom “You robotic pervert!” He groans before getting up and heading into the bathroom before one of them says something truly hurtful.

Bro and Dave share silent smirks as they know what will eventually happen in that shower.

* * *

**105\. All That Jazz (guest written by PFDiva)**

****“Is there a reason you’re wearing my gloves?”

“Same reason you’re stretching out my suspenders.”

“Eat more, skinny fucker.”

“Fuck you.”

D found himself pinned against the wall, Bro’s heavy body pinning him in place, knee between D’s thighs strong hands pinning D’s glove-clad hands to the wall. Bro leered at him over his shades, and D barely suppressed a shiver. Bro, already built and strong, looked even fiercer than usual. They’d all decided to dress up today, no reason, they were just home and it was fun, and with the hat, the suspenders and pants, Bro looked like a 1800’s chimney sweep, but the kind that would clean your chimney by punching the bricks until the ash ran away in sheer terror.

D’s look was a bit more contemporary with a scarf, a trilby (Not a fedora, dammit) and Bro’s fingerless gloves. Like Bro, D had gone shirtless, but, as Bro continued to point out, D was skinnier than his brother, so he ended up looking more graceful than powerful. Which was fine until it turned out to be true, goddammit. 

“More like fuck _you_, like the two-dollar whore ya are, until ya scream and beg and then until ya can’t even do that anymore.”

D squirmed and whimpered, fuck, it wasn’t FAIR that his brothers knew his weaknesses and pushed his buttons until he came apart at the seams, came in his _pants_, and at this rate, he was going to do exactly that, grinding into Bro’s knee while Bro continued to articulate **exactly** how much of a whore D was and the uses Bro had for a whore like him.

"Dammit Dave, OW! I’m not you!”

Saved by the twins.

“The fuck’re y’all doin’ in there?” demanded Bro over his shoulder as D unsuccessfully tried to climb over Bro’s knee and escape.

“We’re almost done!”

“Dave, this is too tight!”

Bro made an annoyed sound, because they actually had to investigate now that the twins were bickering. This was supposed to be fun, not a giant fight. Bro released D and the pair went to see what was up.

The twins had gone full showgirl with heels, elbow-length gloves, stockings, garterbelts with flowing, skirty backs, and corsets. Dave was currently trying to lace Dirk into his, and from the bickering, he was tying it too tightly for Dirk’s enjoyment.

Bro and D exchanged a look, then Bro bodily scooped up Dave, to screeching protests, while D loosened Dirk’s corset, adjusting it so that it was on tightly enough to stay, but not so tightly that Dirk couldn’t breathe, which was generally the problem with corsets. Dirk did look awful nice in this corset, though. It gave him a waist, and D couldn’t help but caress Dirk’s sides, which made Dirk’s shoulder’s subtly relax.

“Thanks, D.”

“No problem. You saved me from Bro, it’s the least I could do.”

Dirk gave D a look over his shoulder, and D suddenly knew that he’d hopped out of the frying pan and straight into the fire. He couldn’t wait.

* * *

**106\. Cleverly Disguised (guest written by PFDiva)**

“D!”

The anguished wail from the bedroom had D on his feet and tearing through the apartment before he could think about it. Only to find himself facedown on the floor with a bruised shin, not two seconds later.

“Bro, what the hell?!”

Bro was very contently sewing a smuppet.

“Where ya going, D?”

“Bro, did you literally not hear Dave _screaming_ my name not two seconds ago?”

“Wait a second.”

“_Bro!_”

D gave Bro an uncomprehending look, “I don’t see what that proves.”

“I didn’t mean for that.”

And another second later, Dave came storming out of the bedroom, Dirk on his heels. Dirk’s finger was mere millimeters from Dave’s left ear as Dirk very smugly informed Dave, “I’m _not_ touching you. Not even a little bit, see?”

D relaxed, “Oh.”

“See, this is what happens when you spend too much time in Hollywood,” teased Bro, “You forget how _absolutely ridiculous_ these fuckers get.”

Dave stomped over to D, having come to the very accurate conclusion that Bro was going to be no help, “D! He keeps _doing_ this, and I’m trying to level up!”

“I’m not doing anything,” Dirk taunted, his finger hovering around Dave’s jaw by now.

D huffed and smacked at Dirk’s leg, “Dirk, cutitout, or I’m gonna Not Touch YOU! Scared the shit outta me, I swear to god.”

“Yeah right,” sniggered Dirk, “Like you can go without this ass.”

A week later, Bro found himself restraining another red-eyed brother when Dirk let out an anguished wail from the bedroom. Fortunately, it wasn’t too hard, because he was rubbing lotion into Dave’s spanked-raw ass.

Unfortunately for Dave, he was at the exact wrong angle to see an unbearably smug D come swanning out of the bedroom, with a flushed and direly aroused Dirk furiously trailing after him.

“Not touching you~!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Let me know if you want to see the art moved over


	12. Art Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never added art before so we'll see how this goes. This 'chapter' will be all Striderclan generated stuff.


	13. Art Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is still Striderclan Generated. All of the side characters


	14. Art Part 3 - Fanart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to figure out what to do with the fanart. Everything has been saved so far.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sorry this is an empty chapter right now. Comment with suggestions. I have old usernames (as in what the artist was using when we posted the work) for the ones I would post. 


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